My life is over, but this time it wasn't my fault, and she wont get back with me

[SC]

Well, I don't think it will ever happen again now anyway. I went out last night with my housemate to a club called Zanzibar. We were there for 5 mins until one of Rachel's friends comes to talk to me about her, then she says that she is out at Zanzibar also. I think OMG! Then she comes over and sits with her friends. I get dragged away by this lad who heres whats going on and he goes and buys me 4 tequilas (obviously didn't drink them all, infact only 1). Then when I have the tequila she asks me why I'm hanging around her friends so I say they came to me. I was thinking what to say next until this loudmouth from work comes over and completly ruins it all, and even laughs at me. I felt so upset, and she ran off. I was getting a bit drunk later on so I went over to her to try to finish what I was saying before, and she flipped for saying I was following her. I later find out although she doesn't want a relationship she fancies someone else. So soon after breaking up, did 9 months mean nothing? Could our relationship be swept away just like that? That can't happen. Although one of her friends says she thinks nothing will happen of it I feel now that I have failed, and that she will never go back out with me. I wrote her a letter today explaining what happened last night and apologising. I also finished what I wanted to say, which was I want to see you soon, I know you've been avoiding me. If you don't want to see me thats fine, but at least tell me instead of just leaving me, because it is tearing me apart. Even if its only for friendship that we carry on seeing each other. I gave it to her when she finished work, cos we work the same place. OK, I know I only just got back, but so far no response. Is she gonna carry on doing to me what she knows it killing me? I've messed it up, but it was just so frustrating cos I've blown all chances of success on something I couldnt avoid, and was a shock to me as well as her. She wouldn't even talk to me in work today, she hates me. I'm so heart broken I don't think I'l ever pick up all the pieces of it again, unless a miracle happens and she even agrees to meet up and talk with me.

[Papillon]

Just be yourself, and don't worry. Be nice, and sincere, and all this will blow over.

 

If you're gonna sweat it and continously remind her of this rift between you, you're only gonna keep it alive.

[SC]

I do try to be positive, and be myself again. She fell out of love with me because I was being negative. But it's difficult at the moment, no matter how hard I try the same problem keeps arising that initially led to me becoming depressed. It started in February when my parents had a massive argument because they didn't want me to get a particular job that every1 else supported me getting, and it just took me back to my childhood which wasn't happy. It got to a stage where I was comparing myself to Rachel who has had an almost perfect childhood and became really jealous. This was when I felt like I depended on her because I was going through an emotional rollercoaster.

 

Now that we have split up I so want to try to convince her that the negative person that I was being isn't me, and I so want her to give me another chance, if she'll ever talk to me again. But last night the arsehole I was being arose again. I had another fight with my parents because of my graduation ceremony, and my mother (i dont live with mum normally, its dad and step mum). They pissed off that she knew about it before they did, and were telling me to prioritise them over my mum. When I said I'm not going to prioritise anyone over anyone else they said to me practically to never come home again. I feel like this turn of events is happening all over again. I actually wish Racehl had been there to see it, because she could have seen what they were doing to me, and maybe she would have decided to give me another chance to be happy. But I want to be happy. Even my friends have noticed I was being boring, and am trying to spend as much time with them as possible. I have to prove myself to them, and more importantly to me. I want to do it for Rachel as well, but if my parents keep making me feel like **** the way they are then I'm not going to succeed. I told my parents they were a major factor in us spliting up. I don't know what to do. I'm trying my best to improve my self esteem, and I so want Rachel to realise that. But when she won't talk with me, and my parents keep making me feel bad I feel like I'm in a catch 22 situation. Even if Rachel won't give me a second chance, she won't even want to be friends with a miserable person, but I cant help it things are so bad I feel like I'm being fake in pretending that I'm happy. And I'm so scared people, not just Rachel will pick up on it. Has anyone been in the same situation, and if so how have you overcome it?

[moimeme]

Your parents are creating difficulties in your life, but they aren't 'making' you feel bad. You are at the point of adulthood and should be learning that you will not always agree with your parents, and that should not upset you to the point it does.

 

You need to develop good coping skills so that unpleasant situations won't send you into a tailspin, and Rachel, I'm guessing, wants a bf who can handle difficult situations. It might be worth talking to a counsellor to sort out why you become so negative when stuff happens to you.

[SC]

OK, so if I was to discuss the situation with Rachel, a positive approach would definately be reccommended? I tried it in work last night (trying to overcome this latest setback) and to be honest I felt fine. I didn't really care that I had been told not to go home, although its a horrible thing to experience I didn't let it bother me.

 

If I was to talk with Rachel I feel that I should say something in work tomorrow, just to clarify what happened, as I have heard her version of events (albeit from someone else) and they're different to mine. The try to arrange with her a time to meet outside of work on our own.

 

Although I wish not to dwell on the negatives that made go a bit loopy (I didn't do anything wrong, I just went into depression) I do feel that I should mention them as I have learnt from them and I will not allow myself to get into the same situation.

 

Although nothing can guarantee success if you were to put yourself in a position Rachel is in to the ebst of your knowledge, would you at least listen to me, and at least if not give love another go, stop hating me? That's what I feel Rachel does unfortunately and its a horrible feeling, seeing as it was only a week last monday we broke up which wasn't on bad terms, and to hate me so soon after for something I couldn't avoid just doesnt seem warranted.

 

Any last bits of advice before I see her tomorrow would be greatly appreciated.