AHardDaysNight Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Everyone is insecure, to some extent. That's what people need to understand.
WhiteChocolate Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Yea that is why I created this thread. You are the only dissenting voice of the bunch and to be honest, when I started this thread I felt exactly the same way you do. If I follow your advice, I just wonder how long can I keep up the charade, eventually I have to be myself right? Don't follow his advice! A girl who'll dump you because of insecurities isn't worth your time anyways. I think a man who lets down his barriers around me(but just me! and maybe his immediate family) is sexy. If he does it on a first date though, or around lots of people, that is a bit strange. After all, he doesn't even know me well yet. It makes me think that he has lots of emotional baggage. If you have ever watched the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011), the scene in which the player and the Emma Stone girl get together is super touching. The man lets down his barriers in a very sexy way. It has nothing to do with his photoshopped abs either.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Don't follow his advice! A girl who'll dump you because of insecurities isn't worth your time anyways. I think a man who lets down his barriers around me(but just me! and maybe his immediate family) is sexy. If he does it on a first date though, or around lots of people, that is a bit strange. After all, he doesn't even know me well yet. It makes me think that he has lots of emotional baggage. If you have ever watched the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011), the scene in which the player and the Emma Stone girl get together is super touching. The man lets down his barriers in a very sexy way. It has nothing to do with his photoshopped abs either. I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!!! Plus it adds a new layer of intamcy that you are letting me see past your barriers and trusting me enough to let me in!
Jynxx Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 If I follow your advice, I just wonder how long can I keep up the charade, eventually I have to be myself right? Fake it until you make it. Acting as if you don't care or don't have any insecurities will make you get over them (not in 1 night obviously). Wallowing in sorrow does the opposite.
udolipixie Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 I know ladies find confidence in a man very attractive, but in a LTR when the honeymoon phase has come to an end and you are getting to know your SO more intimately, how does that change your perception of your BF? It really shouldn't take past the honeymoon phase to show this intimate side unless you're talking about is a guy having this facade of being more confident than to get the girl attracted and then showing his true self. A person can show their insecurities and their true self while showing their confidence. Even the most confident person is insecure about something in his or her life. It could be insecurity about your relationship, one's career, education level, family issues, physical appearance, friendships or money etc... And in most cases it shouldn't take past the honeymoon phase to for the person to show that unless they were putting on a show. that. When your SO starts to show these insecurities does he become less attractive to you or do you overlook it because you are in love with him? Depends on what the insecurities are for me. Most overlook insecurities, severely negative personality traits, and blaring red flags because most women get stupid in love. In a LTR should a guy feign confidence to keep the girl's attraction level high? He shouldn't have been feigning confidence to start with in order to get her attraction. Just like a girl according to most guys should keep her weight relatively the same as to what attracted him confidence can be viewed having the same expectation. Just wondering what your experiences have been. Seems like there's not much repercussions when guys reveal their real selves past the honeymoon phase aka show their real self after putting on a show of being more confident than they are. Or when guys get too comfortable past the honeymoon phase and start not being as romantic as when they were dating. Unlike when girls reveal their real selves past the honeymoon phase aka show that they aren't into sex after jumping his bones constantly and saying yes most of the time. Or when girls get too comfortable past the honeymoon phase and start gaining weight. In my experiences most girls to stay with the guy when he falls short of character expectations he set previously. Considering this is about confidence in the facade case most girls will think he's opening up to her, building emotional intimacy, and showing her something others rarely see show others rather than showing her his true self instead of a show put on to attract her.
Emilia Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Ruby's guy sounds great. If you feel you need to keep up a charade, you are probably with the wrong woman. I know you have to get to know the other person in a relationship and that's tricky until you have spent some time together but personally I don't think you should ever feel that you are keeping up appearances. My last ex is what you can call an 'alpha' (though hate that term, it's so simplistic). He has a very masculine job even but when I think about him I always see him the loving and vulnerable boy that he could be - though he was never romantic either. I think he is getting better at admitting to his insecurities as he is getting more mature (he is still young) and in my experience you start dealing with perceived weaknesses by admitting to them in the first place. You just know that everyone has something they don't feel confident about, I know it's a pretense if I can't see what it is. It's about how you are handling it that matters. A lot of guys get defensive and that's what is unattractive in my opinion.
loveo Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 It really shouldn't take past the honeymoon phase to show this intimate side unless you're talking about is a guy having this facade of being more confident than to get the girl attracted and then showing his true self. A person can show their insecurities and their true self while showing their confidence. And in most cases it shouldn't take past the honeymoon phase to for the person to show that unless they were putting on a show. that. Depends on what the insecurities are for me. Most overlook insecurities, severely negative personality traits, and blaring red flags because most women get stupid in love. He shouldn't have been feigning confidence to start with in order to get her attraction. Just like a girl according to most guys should keep her weight relatively the same as to what attracted him confidence can be viewed having the same expectation. Seems like there's not much repercussions when guys reveal their real selves past the honeymoon phase aka show their real self after putting on a show of being more confident than they are. Or when guys get too comfortable past the honeymoon phase and start not being as romantic as when they were dating. Unlike when girls reveal their real selves past the honeymoon phase aka show that they aren't into sex after jumping his bones constantly and saying yes most of the time. Or when girls get too comfortable past the honeymoon phase and start gaining weight. In my experiences most girls to stay with the guy when he falls short of character expectations he set previously. Considering this is about confidence in the facade case most girls will think he's opening up to her, building emotional intimacy, and showing her something others rarely see show others rather than showing her his true self instead of a show put on to attract her. that's nice tip for sure.
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