tigercat Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Ok I'm new here so let me start off by introducing myself. My name is Joseph and I'm 26 years old, i've been married to my wife for the past 3 years and been together a total of 6. We have 2 daughters together, our oldest is 4 going to be 5 soon and the youngest is 19 months. We have had our share of problems, like every couple. Let first start off by saying I've never cheated on her or physically or mentally abused her. I thought everything was going good in our marriage (I was extremely happy and i thought she was). I had a bit of a health scare 1 1/2month ago and she was right there by my side throught the whole thing telling everyone to pray for her "amazing husband" and that she loved me so much. Up until 2 or 3 weeks ago she has always wrote great things about me on facebook and talked to her friends about how lucky she was to have me. Then everything changed 2 weeks ago. She was excited that she thought she was preganant. I didn't believe her because the line on the test was very light and kinda blurry. I wast as excited about the pregnancy and told her we couldn't afford to have another kid right now that we were having a tough time with finances. Well a week later she thinks she has a misscarriage and it hurts her bad. She told me she cried her sleep everynight. I didn't understand what she was going throught and wasn't there for her like i needed to be, but i didn't understand and she was only like a week or two along so it just didn't affect me (guys don't understand). A few days after this she started being really short tempered with me and everything i did was wrong to her. She winds up telling me that she wants a divorce and that we could be friends but she no longer loved me. I just don't understand!!!!!! When i try talking to her she is so cold now and doesn't want to ever try to make it work with me that she doesn't love me anymore. She now brings up everything i've ever done wrong and says that i hurt her too much that she could never love again. She admitted to me that shes depressed and that she wishes she wouldn't wake up in the morning. Things she says that i did wrong in our marriage is i didn't show her that i cared enough, i didn't go spend time with her and the girls and that i didn't show them off to the world like i should have. I love this girl more than anything in the world and its killing me that she could pull back from me this far. I never meant to hurt her and i never cheated on her or anything like that. She says she has fake being happy since our 2nd child was born and that she hasn't been happy since, but she always wrote awesome things about me and told me how much she loved me and was in love with me and didn't want to ever lose me since our 2nd child was born. So i don't understand???? I'm just wondering if maybe this misscarriage she had 2 weeks ago may have really affected her mentally where she is pushing me away because i didn't support her the way i should have. I tried getting her to go to marriage counceling but she says she don't want to work on it. I just don't believe what she is saying is true that shes not happy with me anymore. I'm still the same guy and up until recently within the last month, she was so happy to have an amazing husband. I don't believe there is anyone else in the picture but i guess i never know. She does have guy friends. I'm just wondering is she really not happy with me or is she going though some deep depression for the misscarriage and blaming everthing on me causing her to see all my faults and push me away. Should i leave her alone even though its killing me inside because i'm madly in love with her and i dont want to lose my family. Am i holding on to false hope? she says she isn't in love with me but i cant believe it, i just think there is something more to it
momto3boys Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Im sorry you're going through this. Also been a month for my separation as well. It may be because of the miscarriage but honestly only time will tell i guess. My "husband" told me he didnt love me anymore and that he didnt wanna be married, he wasnt happy. We have had issues and had a lot of issues before the divorce because he was not in my pregnancy (still isnt and im due in a few weeks). I kept thinking it wasnt that he didnt love me, it was something else, but we have grown farther and farther apart. So i'd back off and leave her a lone. Let her know you will be there if she needs you, but just back off. She may be dealing with some issues from miscarrying. good luck
Author tigercat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 thanks for answering. I know the best thing for me to do would be to distance myself and give her the space to figure out what she is going through, but having to switch over the kids every few days makes things hard. I do fine until i see her and that sets of a wave of emotion that i can't control.
momto3boys Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I understand completely! I do fine with limited contact with my ex, but then when i see him im a mess. I am lucky though because i moved back to our home state (hes military) so i dont see him often, but everytime i do i am a wreck.
LuckyCharms Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 thanks for answering. I know the best thing for me to do would be to distance myself and give her the space to figure out what she is going through, but having to switch over the kids every few days makes things hard. I do fine until i see her and that sets of a wave of emotion that i can't control. I second the advice about distance. I hope for all your sakes that she isn't suffering from postpartum depression or something similar. Such illnesses can be dangerous for everyone involved. Take good care of yourself, and hopefully she'll come around. Just don't get your hopes too high, especially since you don't know yet what's going on with her. Make sure too, that you are there for your children. Continue being a consistently great father, and keep your kids' best interests at heart.
jennicathomas Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I think she is depressed does she seeks any medication for her depression? this is the time she will be needing you the most although she pushes you away make her feel that you are always beside her to love her unconditionally.
joseph17 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I have seen this happen to a couple of friends and it always boils down to the woman being depressed. I think she is definitely depressed and handling her problems the wrong way. I think also you may have reacted in a way that pushed her away even though your reasons for doubt are all good reasons. I remember when my third child was on the way these were questions and concerns that I had but everything worked out. I think you should let this one play out and let her think. Pushing your loved ones away is usually the first reaction when in shock just like taking things out on your significant other when angry. Be there for her and continue to show your support and understanding and she should come back to you. Sometimes you don't know how good you have it until it's gonna so hang in there bud.
robf1971 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Ok I'm new here so let me start off by introducing myself. My name is Joseph and I'm 26 years old, i've been married to my wife for the past 3 years and been together a total of 6. We have 2 daughters together, our oldest is 4 going to be 5 soon and the youngest is 19 months. We have had our share of problems, like every couple. Let first start off by saying I've never cheated on her or physically or mentally abused her. I thought everything was going good in our marriage (I was extremely happy and i thought she was). I had a bit of a health scare 1 1/2month ago and she was right there by my side throught the whole thing telling everyone to pray for her "amazing husband" and that she loved me so much. Up until 2 or 3 weeks ago she has always wrote great things about me on facebook and talked to her friends about how lucky she was to have me. Then everything changed 2 weeks ago. She was excited that she thought she was preganant. I didn't believe her because the line on the test was very light and kinda blurry. I wast as excited about the pregnancy and told her we couldn't afford to have another kid right now that we were having a tough time with finances. Well a week later she thinks she has a misscarriage and it hurts her bad. She told me she cried her sleep everynight. I didn't understand what she was going throught and wasn't there for her like i needed to be, but i didn't understand and she was only like a week or two along so it just didn't affect me (guys don't understand). A few days after this she started being really short tempered with me and everything i did was wrong to her. She winds up telling me that she wants a divorce and that we could be friends but she no longer loved me. I just don't understand!!!!!! When i try talking to her she is so cold now and doesn't want to ever try to make it work with me that she doesn't love me anymore. She now brings up everything i've ever done wrong and says that i hurt her too much that she could never love again. She admitted to me that shes depressed and that she wishes she wouldn't wake up in the morning. Things she says that i did wrong in our marriage is i didn't show her that i cared enough, i didn't go spend time with her and the girls and that i didn't show them off to the world like i should have. I love this girl more than anything in the world and its killing me that she could pull back from me this far. I never meant to hurt her and i never cheated on her or anything like that. She says she has fake being happy since our 2nd child was born and that she hasn't been happy since, but she always wrote awesome things about me and told me how much she loved me and was in love with me and didn't want to ever lose me since our 2nd child was born. So i don't understand???? I'm just wondering if maybe this misscarriage she had 2 weeks ago may have really affected her mentally where she is pushing me away because i didn't support her the way i should have. I tried getting her to go to marriage counceling but she says she don't want to work on it. I just don't believe what she is saying is true that shes not happy with me anymore. I'm still the same guy and up until recently within the last month, she was so happy to have an amazing husband. I don't believe there is anyone else in the picture but i guess i never know. She does have guy friends. I'm just wondering is she really not happy with me or is she going though some deep depression for the misscarriage and blaming everthing on me causing her to see all my faults and push me away. Should i leave her alone even though its killing me inside because i'm madly in love with her and i dont want to lose my family. Am i holding on to false hope? she says she isn't in love with me but i cant believe it, i just think there is something more to it Actually, I think you need to rule out the presence of an OM. Total infidelity script.
carhill Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Actually, I think you need to rule out the presence of an OM. Total infidelity script. Yep, especially the flip-flop, light switch behavior, presuming it wasn't a prior feature of her psychology. The age and family situation are supportive of that potential as well. My sympathies OP. Welcome to LS
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