Buttercup84 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 My ex and I did aruge a lot , mostly because he wouldn't just sit down with me and calmy discuss what we could change. But I feel like people just give up so easily.If they are not very interested in their partner anymore , they either cheat or just break up. I would want to find out why these problems are there , before giving up.Yes , sometimes you have no other choice than breaking up. Abuse , cheating , and no matter how hard you try , you are out of love. I think people are brainwashed into thinking it has to be rainbows and kittens every freaking day.That you will want to jump their bones all the time , be madly in love. After almost two years , I still got butterflies , blushed when he looked at me , and thought he got more and more attractive each day. We went through a lot , but I still loved him and didn't want to leave , even though being single would have meant I could focus on my dreams and have more money etc I think with the internet and living longer , people think that they can jump to one person to the next , there must always be someone better. Life is **** , it is full of ups and downs and a relationship won't be any different. Just because you feel like the spark has gone , does not mean you should give up. 1
BrettLost Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Buttercup, That was beautiful. TOTALLY on the same page with everything said there. Like from the day you meet, the love/rush/excitement has to climb and climb forever. One day it surely will plateau, on this day they choose to seek greener pastures. I thought becoming married sealed the deal on breaking up over virtually nothing. I gave her no reason to leave other than being the best providing husband and father i could be. Was'nt at all exciting, but we lived pretty comfortably on the back of my hard work. Even having kids now is'nt enough to stick it out it seems. I heard some statistic this morning about; In 5 yrs, only 22% of families will be of a nuclear nature...eg Mum, Dad and kids, together under one roof. The last line you wrote builds family legacy. To answer your question; because they can. It's easier these days with govt payments, CS and such helping them along.
Mack05 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 As harsh as this may sound B, you just have to accept he didn't love you as much as you loved him. If he really loved/trusted you, he would not have quit on you. If he truly respected you, he would never have called you all those horrible names... When are you going to stop focusing on him and focusiing on yourself? Can't you see how detrimental it is to your recovery to constantly ask pointless questions which you will never get the answers to? I will never understand why you miss a man that treated you so bad, so much. It's time to focus on your own personal issues and leave this moron in the past where he belongs..
TheDovic Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 That is so true!!! Some people are so immature and once the initial excitement is gone they run off, but guess what??? The excitement (or limerance) stage cannot last forever (usually 1 & 1/2 - 2 years). So what do they do then? i.e. do they keep running from every single relationship?
Author Buttercup84 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 As harsh as this may sound B, you just have to accept he didn't love you as much as you loved him. If he really loved/trusted you, he would not have quit on you. If he truly respected you, he would never have called you all those horrible names... When are you going to stop focusing on him and focusiing on yourself? Can't you see how detrimental it is to your recovery to constantly ask pointless questions which you will never get the answers to? I will never understand why you miss a man that treated you so bad, so much. It's time to focus on your own personal issues and leave this moron in the past where he belongs.. Thanks Mack , but I really mean in general people give up so fast . I guess he didn't love me as much yeah . hard to think about but it's the truth
Itsm Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I wish my ex would read this, or at least talk to me Finding it hard to cope with NC because i NEED him in my life, we were so good together. Can't see my future without him... :'(
Mack05 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Butter that is the society we now live in. The words 'I Love you' don't carry as much weight as they used to. They are said too easily nowadays. People are sleeping with more partners and telling each other they love each other after a few weeks. Utter nonsense. So if a guy/girl sleeps with 10-15 partners (which apparently is the average these days) she/he loved most of them! People haven't a clue what the words 'I Love you' truly entails. When you love someone Butter you don't call them names. You don't disrespect them to your friends. You are there for them through the good times and the bad times. Too many people say they 'love' each other through the honeymoon period, but how is that even possible? You don't even now the person. I always here on this website. "He changed". He didn't change. The infatuation from the honeymoon period ended and you saw the real him". For me, morals have gone down the gutter in today's society. People have no sense of what is 'real' anymore. Real values and principles have been left behind. Too many people having too much 'fun'. When it's no longer fun...NEXT!..Look at the amount of couples that break up. One sign of strife and it's "I'm gone". Relationships are not always going to be fun. People have forgotten what it is like to fight for things. It's going from one relationship to another until you say, hey may as well settle down. Success rates for couples now getting married is 50%! I have always had problems meeting the right girl. Too many 'fun' girls out there. Would rather stay single to be honest. For me a relationship is building a foundation slowly. Getting to REALLY know your partner. Hopefully she has the same outlook on life as you do..Then build something special. Trust me relationships built this way have a far better chance of succeeding in the long run.
Mack05 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I wish my ex would read this, or at least talk to me Finding it hard to cope with NC because i NEED him in my life, we were so good together. Can't see my future without him... :'( Think it's the same for most people on this very forum...
solobeary Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Like Mack said, we can't keep dwelling on this. But I just need to add, my ex even said to me "if this was an arranged marriage I would be so happy to have you and consider myself the luckiest man in the world to have gotten you, but I need to see what's out there." Grr! Ridiculous "grass is always greener" self-entitled bull****. Anyway, at least we know what to look for now. It's so hard to find humble, sensible, grounded, respectful, trustworthy people, but at least now I know I'm looking for one, and trying hard to become one myself
SoulFinger Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Because sadly some people are always on the look out for the so called..Bigger,better,richer and so on.They give up so easy on us whilst we want them to be something that they are sadly not..They are not the man or woman we thought they were or are.
fuzzbella Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Try explaining that love isnt Rainbows and pretty little love letters everyday, try explaining that to someone who would rather give up, its the easier option, it requires less work if they give up and walk away. I agree with everything you said, i do wonder if its true what they say, that in most relationship one person always loves the other more. The arguments are part of the relationship it helps the relationship develope, if they only want the Infactuation stage, want a relationship without the work, then they arnt going to be very happy overall.
ConfusedT Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Completely agree, it's the easier option. A lot of people take the path of least resistance because it is simpler, but in the long haul, it is much better to do whats right even if its more difficult. hard work pays off in every aspect of ones life! relationships, work, etc. its just hard when your heart and complete emotions are involved!! =X
Sugarkane Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I completely agree I think sometimes maybe I was born in the wrong time. Like maybe I should've been born in an earlier time. But women also had few rights back then. I would've loathed that. My ex is so much like yours Buttercup, I also wondered why he treated me like that. Part if it is my fault for putting up with It. Please don't make yourself sick like I did. You deserve do much better. Let your ex jump from person to person. I font think they'll find much happiness anyway.
Scirok Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Buttercup I couldn't agree more, my ex told me during the breakup she was unhappy for a year! Really and not once did u have the heart to sit down and fix what we had she just gave up and walked away and got a new guy to hide her emotions. People give up too easily it's sad I don't believe she was sad this long but w/e she can use that all she wants
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