gd1039 Posted May 16, 2004 Posted May 16, 2004 Hey everyone. I am new to this site. I actually stumbled across it looking for info on being someones "rebound". This leads me to my question... So I met this girl who got out of a 2 year relationship about a month ago. I've only gone out once with her but things went well and we seem to have a lot in common. She seemed calm and collected when she mentioned about having just gotten out of the relationship, she said the breakup was on good terms. Of course, she could be lying but thats another story. That was all that was really mentioned about it. She doesn't strike me as the kind of girl that jumps from guy to guy, and she said she has a relationship with someone when she actually cares about them. Otherwise, I assumed it would just be casual dating sans exclusiveness. Despite this, in the back of my head is the idea that I could be or am her rebound. It would work out well since I can keep things casual for now and that she won't just jump into a relationship and this can give time to figure out if I am a rebound. So finally, what kind of things/types of behavior should I pay attention to so I can tell if I am just a rebound, or if she is genuinly interested? "Only time will tell" is not a good answer either, because I have better things to do than constantly be wondering about this if we started dating more. I would prefer to know what to look for, and make a decision based on that, even if I end up being wrong it is better than constantly wondering.
bluechocolate Posted May 16, 2004 Posted May 16, 2004 There are no hard and fast rules. No one is gonig to be able to tell you that this or that means she is on the rebound. Personally I don't think that 1 month out of a relationship is enough to immediately start up another one, but then I just qualified that by saying "personally". I'm sure it's different for someone else. She says the break up was amicable so maybe she isn't carrying a lot of baggage around from her old boyfriend. Then again, are they still friends? Are they still in contact with one another? I mean, if the break up went smoothly and they're still in touch with one another who's to say they won't decide to have another go? She doesn't strike me as the kind of girl that jumps from guy to guy, and she said she has a relationship with someone when she actually cares about them. This strikes me as odd. Isn't that what she has just done? 4 weeks out of a 2 year relationship and she's onto another guy. But of course you qualify that by her saying she has a relationship with someone when she actually cares about them. What else is she going to say to you? I don't actually care about you at all? Unlikely. And what's with all the relationship talk after only one date & knowing the girl for one month? Jumping the gun a bit here I'd say. My only suggestion would be to keep it casual for the next month or two. What's the hurry? If you're still dating & she's still interested in only you, then take it from there. It's only been a month & you've only dated once, there are plenty of other reasons why things may not work out other than just her being on the rebound.
shamen Posted May 16, 2004 Posted May 16, 2004 I agree with bluechocolate in general. Especially the part about it being only a month. I can't imagine that that is anywhere near enough time to get over a 2 year relationship! I'm nowhere near ready after the end of a 3 1/2 year relationship after a month and a half. I started dating him after a month and a half break after a 2 year relationship. One of the stupidest things that I've done, I think. I definitely was not thinking clearly. Keep it very casual for a while, as bluechocolate said.
Author gd1039 Posted May 17, 2004 Author Posted May 17, 2004 blue, a few responses to things you said. And in advance...sorry if I was not clear with the things I was saying. Also, thank you for your advice, sometimes it takes someone on the outside looking in to point out the things that I should have thought about myself but was to dumb to realize. Personally I don't think that 1 month out of a relationship is enough to immediately start up another one, but then I just qualified that by saying "personally". I'm sure it's different for someone else. She says the break up was amicable so maybe she isn't carrying a lot of baggage around from her old boyfriend. Then again, are they still friends? Are they still in contact with one another? I mean, if the break up went smoothly and they're still in touch with one another who's to say they won't decide to have another go? As far as being over someone and everything that happened completely, I agree that it is highly unlikely and almost impossible for that to happen in a month. However, I previously dated a girl for a year, had a terrible breakup and was over her in a week or two. I wasn't over what had happened (I don't know if you are ever over it completely or just come to accept it) or mabey it takes a few newer relationships before you get over it, I really don't know), and words still can't describe the hate I have for this girl, but I was over her in a short period of time. I knew I never wanted anything to do with this girl again and I was not looking back. So...I think it is possible to be over the person in a month but any baggage can linger a long long long time. She says the break up was amicable so maybe she isn't carrying a lot of baggage around from her old boyfriend. Then again, are they still friends? Are they still in contact with one another? I mean, if the break up went smoothly and they're still in touch with one another who's to say they won't decide to have another go? I actually was just discussing the break up thing with one of my friends tonight. She said she occasionally talks to this kid. I agree with you that this is a double edge sword. On the one good hand, there is a fair chance that there isnt't too much baggage. On the bad side, its very concievable they will get back together. She doesn't strike me as the kind of girl that jumps from guy to guy, and she said she has a relationship with someone when she actually cares about them. This strikes me as odd. Isn't that what she has just done? 4 weeks out of a 2 year relationship and she's onto another guy. lol, I do kind of contradict myself with this statement, mabey I should have reworded it better. You know the type of girl that can get almost any guy they want, and constantly have dates lined up? This is the complete opposite of what I think this girl is. I mean, after I got out of my last relationship, I met a girl not long after that and things went ok for a few weeks but then it just didn't work out. After that it was months before I went on another date. Not because I couldn't get one, but because I couldn't find many girls that I was interested in that were also interested in me. Even now...the last date I went on was about 3 months ago (sad I know). Mabey that example of myself is a good description as to how I see this girl. I met someone soon after my longish relationship, but then things didn't come up all too often. And my comment about the relationship with someone she actually cares about. Well...that girl I went out with for a year, we just started dating one day. There really wasn't an initial set of dates that led to it. Im 19 right now, and I think that when you are younger (even younger than me right now) you just kinda go out with people and break up, find someone new and date them, then break up and so on. I took her comment that "she only (has an actual boyfriend/is exclusive with them/is in a relationship) when I actually care about the person" as the complete oposite of what I did with my last girlfriend. Sure, she is interested in me right now, but that doesn't mean she actually cares about me, which is why we are not "boyfriend/girlfriend". If things go well and we get to know eachother better she might start to care for me in a more and me the same for her, and then we start dating only each other. And my last few notes...as far as jumping the gun with the relationship talk and only knowing each other a month and one date. The way I worded things/you interpreted them are not exactly what I mean. I have only known her a week and went out with her once in that time, it was a month since her breakup - not us meeting. It is obvioulsy to soon to know if she is relationship material and I agree that talk about that is jumping the gun and just ridiculous. What I meant is that I don't want to go out on more dates with this girl and become more intetested in her just to find out after date 4 I am just a rebound for her. Of course there are millions of other reasons this could not work out, but something that we dont see eye to eye on causing this to not work out is alot better than going on 4 or 5 dates with her, finding that I do like her a lot (enough to start a relationship) and then learning that she wasnt all that interested in me and I was only her rebound. And I also definitly agree that keeping things casual for now is the best thing (infact I said it in my first post here It would work out well since I can keep things casual for now and that she won't just jump into a relationship and this can give time to figure out if I am a rebound. ) This would also give me time to see if I like her more and yadda yadda. I definitly wouldn't consider seeing only her right now, because I barely know her. On the positive side, if I keep in mind that I may be a rebound, this will kind of keep me in check so that I don't let my thoughts run off and think I like this girl more than I do. And as you said there are no hard and fast rules, mabey the only way to figure this out is to keep going with it and let it work itself out
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