Injectedemon Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Not sure how I'm going to do this but I can't lie about it anymore. Worst part is I'm not sure if it's worse then having an affair or the same. Maybe someone can help. So when my husband and I first got married we we're given a couple grand to help us get started. I had 1000 already in my bank from working that I was saving up already. ( shot gun wedding btw) over time our son needed clothes and such baby items and to avoid confrontation with my husband ( he grew up in a divorced house hold where everything is my money, your money ) I took it from the savings. Well that lie has gotten huge. Luckily for me what I didn't touch which was $1200 I put it into an account I cannot not touch , got a job and have been making contributions bi weekly to try and make the difference. I just don't know how to tell my husband I had done this. And why I've kept it from him this long. I guess I'm scared about his reaction which:confused::confused::confused: is why I didn't tell the truth and to be honest I'm ashamed. I have always been great with my money.....help me get the courage to do this. And tell me how in the world am I going to start this conversation.
Owl Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I'd say that this doesn't appear to have anything to do with infidelity, so it's probably posted in the wrong section. You should contact the mod and ask him to move it somewhere more appropriate. Second...he's going to figure it out eventually. Your best bet would have been to discuss with him how to pay those bills up front, rather than do things that he may view as clandestine. How to tell him? Dunno, I don't know him and am not in that marriage. In my marriage, either I'd just tell my wife or she'd just tell me...and we'd work it out.
Author Injectedemon Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Ok well first of all infedelity is not just limited to cheating on your spouse in a sexual manner. There is such thing as financial infidelity. So I'm technicallly in the right spot. Second the reason I'm postin in the first place is because I'm coming clean about it. I realize I should have done this year ago, but unfortunately my time machine is broken. I don't want to lie to anymore I just need advice as how I should even start this conversation. And to see if anyone else has this issue.
Spark1111 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 You have to start somewhere. Can you tell him that you have kept a secret from him and it is hurting you to continue to do so? That you are working hard to repay the money and you would like his guidance and support? And that you are very, very sorry you did this? And every day you are wracking your brain to figure out why you did it and why you kept it a secret from him? And that is really where you have to start, because the keeping of secrets and then the lying about them will KILL the intimacy in a good marriage. Do not avoid conflict any more for any longer. Identify why you are doing so. Afraid of his anger? Sadness? Mistrust? You cannot control his reaction to your news, or make it less harsh to witness. Stop trying to control the outcome. Own up to what you did and try to figure out why you did it.
Owl Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 How do you start the conversation? "Honey, I've got something that we need to discuss." Then you tell him. Men don't want/need/like a long intro into the problem. We communicate differently. Set the stage in one or two sentences letting him know that your son needed clothes, etc... then tell him where you spent the money, and why. Wrap up with why you weren't honest with him about it, and that it's been bothering you and you wanted to get it out in the open.
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