mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I kissed a girl that I dreamed off for the past month today. The one I was fighting for and won over from another guy. But things just weren't natural. I thought she wanted to have sex and went to second base, but she became uncomfortable and believe me, I was even more so. She shared some things how she is confused how so many guys like her and that she hates herself for it. I also felt like we lost some magic in general. She doesn't text me right now, and I don't feel anxious like usual about it. The deep feeling of joy seems to have disappeared. I guess the reality of things came in. Was that because I was simply infatuated over her and not in love? Was that because I felt stressed to take it really fast(first date/get together sex)? Kissing on the bed is always a bad idea(no pun intended). I don't know folks, but I am in a new, never before seen territory for me. I don't know what to think or what to say. Sigh.
Mangomonkey Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 that is terribly depressing. It reminds me of another thread from one of my favorite posters. Once he gets it he dont want it anymore. same with you. And I've experience this as well. Maybe you was infatuated with the chase of getting her. Of taking her away from someone else. You loved someone you didnt even know. And now when that person is finally yours and she shows her true self to you. it wasn't what you thought. The thing with infatuation is that people make an imaginary image of the person they like. They person they like is just a body and they fill that body up with made up ideas of who they want in them without seeing what is actually in them. I don't think you really like her. Judging from that post alone. What makes it more sad is that fact that you made a girl leave her boyfriend for you just so you can have doubts about her. I wouldn't be surprised if you left her. Either way. Its sh###y situation. I have some other ideas also on what could be going on. but i wont bother.
norajane Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Yes, dream girl is an actual person. She has her thoughts and fears and feelings. She's had some life experiences and perspectives. Do you want to get to know her? Is winning her all you dreamed about, or did you want to get to know her, too? Magic comes from within - it's how you perceive her that makes you feel magic. And how you perceive yourself when you're with her.
Author mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Either way. Its sh###y situation. I have some other ideas also on what could be going on. but i wont bother. Meh, hit me. I don't know what to think myself. She didn't quite leave her guy, but she was in the process of leaving him. We've been texting for a week and then this intimacy semi-nightmare happened. She is a beautiful girl, but I thought she was attainable from the start, then ran into the boyfriend issue. Got hurt, but worked through it. I do care about her, though. I just don't feel the same airlifting feeling any right now. But no, I would not leave her- if I did, that would be to be by myself because I clearly cannot enjoy being with someone I treasure or being intimate with them. Who knows. Not me.
Mangomonkey Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Alot of things is eventually gonna start hitting you. Ill summarize one of my own experiences first. The girl i chased didnt have a boyfriend. She wanted to just be single. I jumped through hoops to get her. On the weekly basis i was either feeling down, anxious, and just some kinda way. It wasn't healthy whatsoever. It took a whole year for her to realize what kind of person i was and that is when she was willing to give us a chance. When i finally got my chance. With a girl I've been so infatuated with whom back then i thought i even loved. (to a certain degree) I didnt want her. Because i realized that the speck of affection she gave me didn't compare to the pain she caused me. (or a caused myself). So i rejected her. Another way to look at it is like this. You might like her but when you get her. You won't like what kind of person she is. Its like if a woman sleeps with you on the first date. You was excited about meeting her but you lost all your respect for her. Its also similar to the idea that if they cheat with you that they will cheat on you. Or maybe your just tired. and just wasn't feeling in the moment but will be up to it the next tomorrow. I still don't condone what your doing. Not because of morality. But because of another post that said that if the boyfriend was a big scary kinda guy you would have backed off. But since he doesn't seem like a threat your gonna prey on his territory. In history there is a guy who killed the man who his wife cheated with. Around the town he was well known as the happiest, nicest, man you could ever meet. He was free because his case was temporary insanity. Be careful what you get yourself into. People are crazy now and days.
Cracker Jack Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I think the fantasy of who she was drew you in more than her actual self. Since she appeared on the outside to be someone you couldn't have because she had a boyfriend, mixed with the signals she was giving you, those factors simply made her irresistible to you and you had to have her, no matter what. Now that you have her, you're not too enthused about it. Maybe I'm wrong, tho. It's possible that the physical chemistry simply wasn't there for you guys today. That can improve. She also sounds like a really confused girl. These situations almost never end well--especially if she's confused about things at this point. Before the kissing, when you first met up with her for your date, did you feel excited? Are you okay with her not completely breaking it off with the other guy?
Author mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 that is terribly depressing. It reminds me of another thread from one of my favorite posters. Once he gets it he dont want it anymore. same with you. And I've experience this as well. LOL @bold, I don't know why, but that's funny. And what the **** is wrong us? Magic comes from within - it's how you perceive her that makes you feel magic. And how you perceive yourself when you're with her. I think both she and I perceived being with one another differently. I hope we can come to terms over reality and reconcile our feelings. I like her and wouldn't mind being with her. Just taking it slow, and giving each other space. There is a scary thought that just creeped through my head. If she is with me, I feel just content, but if she gets back with that guy, then I will be pissed again. Maybe this is a competitive thing? F*ck, I may be in there for the race. And yet I like her. That's some unhealthy sh*t going on in my head.
Author mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) She also sounds like a really confused girl. These situations almost never end well--especially if she's confused about things at this point. Before the kissing, when you first met up with her for your date, did you feel excited? Are you okay with her not completely breaking it off with the other guy? Yes, I was excited about our date. But I was stressed about having sex, because that's what I thought was going to go down. I was stressing a lot. Maybe I stressed myself out. Because when I saw her, I was genuinely happy. I didn't enjoy kissing maybe because I was already in another place. Eghh, ****ty business. . But because of another post that said that if the boyfriend was a big scary kinda guy you would have backed off. But since he doesn't seem like a threat your gonna prey on his territory. If he was an 8 foot gorilla, I'd not give a ****. Physical or psychological threats don't bother me as I have no flight reaction to things. I do my best to be rational when it involves law enforcement confrontations, however. Edited October 10, 2011 by mrgoodcat
Mangomonkey Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 If thats the case then carry on. Only reason I was honestly offended by your threads is the fact that i have a person prejudice against bully like behavior. Take from the weak. I'm a robin hood kinda guy. But anyway what i say still stands. I think you should get some sleep and think it over in the morning.
Author mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 I agree. I texted her saying that I would like to take it slow because that's what she pretty much told me. No reply so far. We'll see if she reaches me tomorrow. She seems traumatized as badly if not worse than me. She could have noticed my lack of enthusiasm and I bet it was written all over my mug. Maybe if she starts acting cold I'll warm up again. That is unhealthy on so many levels. Yes, I will get some sleep and see how the week develops.
Nexus One Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 She didn't quite leave her guy, but she was in the process of leaving him. So you basically willfully tried to bang a girl that still has a boyfriend. That's even worse than trying to come between them and split them apart. Your ethical framework is even more f*cked up than I initially thought.
Author mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) @Nexus^^^ Will you get over you and your righteousness of the "other guy". ****, not every guy a girl is with is great for her. She is leaving him. She is a kind person and doesn't want to break the boy's heart-her words. I don't know if she is leaving him now, with all this weirdness that happened, but I don't see her being with him. The fact that she was willing to leave him shows how weak her feelings were. Which goes back to the point that I think this girl is in fact having a hard time where guys are going after her all the time and she ends up in these meaningless relationships. I she ends up being single because of this situation, I think I did something positive. She needs her space. Unlike other f*cktards that tried dating her, I actually have emotional ability to see where she stands. I knew exactly what she told me. I want what is best for her, and in this situation it could be being single and learning how to be really selective with men. I hope I opened her eyes, or maybe she'll just remember me as a bad experience. Only time will tell. Edited October 10, 2011 by mrgoodcat
Author mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) As stated above. She hasn't texted me back and I'm tearing up typing this. Holy ****, this hurts so much. And it's not even noon. I'm working, but going through the motions. I really don't know what is with me. Edited October 10, 2011 by mrgoodcat
Pierre Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 As stated above. She hasn't texted me back and I'm tearing up typing this. Holy ****, this hurts so much. And it's not even noon. I'm working, but going through the motions. I really don't know what is with me. Dude: You are assuming this girl has no conscience. You were wrong she actually has a conscience and probably feels quite bad about her actions. Don't assume she is in the same page as you. She has a BF and was or is emotionally involved with him. She has a confused heart and is conflicted. She still has feelings for the BF and feels guilt for cheating and acting in a dishonorable manner. I am baffled that you are unable to see this. It is always suicidal to go after a girl that is still in the throes of a previous relationship. A normal girl with a conscience is going to be very confused and sad. Perhaps you assumed she has no empathy for others. I bet she feels quite sad and guilty. Can you even imagine how she feels?
Eclypse Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 As stated above. She hasn't texted me back and I'm tearing up typing this. Holy ****, this hurts so much. And it's not even noon. I'm working, but going through the motions. I really don't know what is with me. Well honestly what were you expecting... You're both toxic. What you did was a dog act, but you did the boyf a favour, as he no longer has to burden himself with a cheating girlfriend. You'll get over it big boy, if you're considering suicide over this then I'd say the reason for why she's not into you is quite clear.
Author mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) @Pierre Sir, I did not think of that. Too involved with what I was thinking. But she had her mind set. We talked about it. As for the haters above, are you threatened that a guy like me can steal your GF too? Man up. And for the record, "feeling suicidal," doesn't mean I contemplate killing myself. I always feel suicidal, when my dreams are put on hold because I invest so much emotions, so when things fall through, I am left with a giant hole in me. I get over it and persevere. That's why she likes me. Edited October 10, 2011 by mrgoodcat
Pierre Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Of course he hasn't thought about her feelings, her feelings don't come into the equation, all he cares about is himself. He doesn't care about her or her partner/ex-partner it's all about what he wants and damn everybody else involved. Also how can you even begin to sympathise with the girl in question? She's got a conscience? She's got feelings and she is upset? Just think how her partner will feel if and when he finds out, if he hasn't already? She is just as bad as MrGoodcat and I hope her partner finds out and kicks this slore out of his life for good. She's a no good for nothing scrubber as far as I am concerned. I agree, the girl is of no GOOD QUALITY. However, some cheaters have a conscience and actually feel some guilt. The OP did not consider the fact that this girl could feel guilt and remorse after betraying her BF. Perhaps the OP is unable to feel guilt about this situation. Maybe OP sees nothing wrong with his actions. I sense a bit of ASPD.
Author mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 However, some cheaters have a conscience and actually feel some guilt. The OP did not consider the fact that this girl could feel guilt and remorse after betraying her BF. Perhaps the OP is unable to feel guilt about this situation. Maybe OP sees nothing wrong with his actions. I sense a bit of ASPD. We've had this discussion in the other threads I made when I was just going after her. Your opinion is not predominant, based on people's inputs, and there is no right or wrong. ASPD, to a healthy degree, because if you put meaningless morals in front of you all the time, life will be a misery. I put people I love above me-always.
Author mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Boredom is the ultimate misery. Count on it. I prefer to feel, and it will have its ups and downs. I take good with the bad.
Emilia Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 ASPD, to a healthy degree, because if you put meaningless morals in front of you all the time, life will be a misery. I put people I love above me-always. that's a major contradiction there. Morals are not meaningless, they are indicative of backbone, discipline and consideration for others. You cannot just do what you like and if you put people you love above you, it means you believe in morals. If you don't believe in morals - or consider many of them meaningless - it indicates that you are selfish and do not put people you love above you. Can't have it both ways. ASPD indeed
Emilia Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Boredom is the ultimate misery. Count on it. I prefer to feel, and it will have its ups and downs. I take good with the bad. Maybe you should consider finding ways to occupy your free time that don't involve making other people's life a misery
Pierre Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 ASPD, to a healthy degree, because if you put meaningless morals in front of you all the time, life will be a misery. I put people I love above me-always. It is OK to have some elements of a personality disorder,; all of us do to a certain extent. However, your lack of empathy and posture suggest pathologic elements of ASP.
Author mrgoodcat Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 I pretty much broke it off. She doesn't respond and I can't take the pain and confusion any more. I gave her the last line to talk to me again, if she calls me today, but if not, it's goodbye. I don't expect her to call me back or anything, so pretty much it's over. Well, something somewhere was learned. I just don't care for what it is.
ShannonMI Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I kissed a girl that I dreamed off for the past month today. The one I was fighting for and won over from another guy. But things just weren't natural. I thought she wanted to have sex and went to second base, but she became uncomfortable and believe me, I was even more so. She shared some things how she is confused how so many guys like her and that she hates herself for it. I also felt like we lost some magic in general. She doesn't text me right now, and I don't feel anxious like usual about it. The deep feeling of joy seems to have disappeared. I guess the reality of things came in. Was that because I was simply infatuated over her and not in love? Was that because I felt stressed to take it really fast(first date/get together sex)? Kissing on the bed is always a bad idea(no pun intended). I don't know folks, but I am in a new, never before seen territory for me. I don't know what to think or what to say. Sigh. This is the girl that has the boyfriend? So there was no spark? That's too bad. I guess you wasted your time on this one. And did she break up with her man? It's sounds like you liked the challenge and when you got the girl, you lost interest.
ascendotum Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I pretty much broke it off. She doesn't respond and I can't take the pain and confusion any more. I gave her the last line to talk to me again, if she calls me today, but if not, it's goodbye. I don't expect her to call me back or anything, so pretty much it's over. Well, something somewhere was learned. I just don't care for what it is. I dont get it...'She could have noticed my lack of enthusiasm and I bet it was written all over my mug.' Why, just because she didn't rip your clothes off in wild passion that night, because maybe she is feeling a twinge of guilt over cheating on her BF? Maybe the fact she is prepared to be dishonorable to her partners was nagging you at a subconcious level. I don't see why you can't give it a bit more time, since you have been working on it for a while. You think her BF and past ones are f*cktards (whats this say about her) and that you have emotional ability to see where she stands, but the way this is suddenly crumbling for you, I don't really see it here in this thread...maybe you explained it better in your earlier ones, but just because you now think stealing her from her BF is now going to make her more selective with men, I think is just spinning it. (just saw your last post, and you have written her off..so end of story)
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