ald410 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I'm a 26yo female virgin who has no dating experience. I've had a few drunken kisses in college but nothing that ever progressed past that. I'm intelligent, with a good job, well-read and well-traveled and pretty though a bit chubby. I've never been sure why I've never been asked out or had a nice guy express interest in me, but my confidence has definitely taken a hit because of it. I live in a big city that's been ranked as one of the most difficult to date in (lots more single women than men) so I've put some blame on that, but I've decided to try and take control instead of waiting for my life to turn into a romantic comedy. However, now that I've made that decision, I don't really have any idea what I'm doing. I've signed up for online dating and just got asked out for drinks and suddenly PANICKED! I've never been on a date, never had a boyfriend, never fooled around. I don't know how to do any of these things! When you're younger, you and your date are sort of figuring it out together but I feel like at my age, there's an expectation that the other person has had certain life experiences that I lack. I don't know how to read the signs. Even if I make a good first impressions and we get a few dates in, should I/how can I tell him about my lack of experience? Will he be scared off or will he be able to tell even if I don't say anything? I'd want to move slowly but how much patience will a guy have if I don't explain? I'm probably jumping the gun as it's just a drinks invitation, but I've always been a planner I don't really know how to open myself up to a romantic prospect or how to be intimate with someone (emotionally even more so than physically which is mostly mechanics). I want to figure it out, but I don't know how to get started without embarrassing myself.
january2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Use the dating period to practise. Start off with getting to know guys, how to talk to them, how to read non-verbal clues. Make friends first then lovers second. If you've ever been out with a girlfriend for drinks/lunch/dinner, it's a similar situation. Talk, find out about each other's lives, etc. Be open and honest. Ask for openness and honesty back. Make sure you meet in a public place and that you have your own ride home. You don't have to mention that you lack experience like it's a big 'ta-da' statement. If they ask, just say that you don't have any ex-boyfriends lurking in the shadows. At this stage, I think that you're overthinking what might/might not happen. Until you get out there and start meeting guys, you don't have a lot of data to work with.
AHardDaysNight Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 If it's any consolation, there are plenty of guys on here in your exact same position. Me included (I'm a 28, almost 29 year old virgin who has never been on a date or kissed a girl, and am completely straight.)
Simply_one Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I'm 33 (male) and also lack any experience. Last time I kissed a girl I was 11. My therapist tells me that lack of experience isn't a barrier to anyone but myself. Think of the positive sides of your situation. You've doubtless seen friends/relatives go through bad relationships or people who so desperately can't cope with being alone that they will date anyone that comes along regardless of common threads. They end up with a lot of emotional baggage you're not carrying. But you still get to benefit from their experiences. Being older than they were, when they started dating, means you're more sure of who you are as a person and what you want out of a relationship and what you can put in. So you have the theory down. You've seen the outcomes of those people you know who've got it right and those who consistently get their relationship choices wrong. All you lack is practical personal experience, and you can get that.
somedude81 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 though a bit chubby. I've never been sure why I've never been asked out or had a nice guy express interest in me, Mystery solved.
AHardDaysNight Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Mystery solved. Not necessarily. There are chubby chasers out there!
notsoleet Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I wouldn't tell him about your inexperience for awhile, in case he tries to take advantage of you. Also, just a word of warning, as a lot of my friends use online dating, watch out for the needy types!
UpDownAllAround Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Hey I'm 32 this week! I have no dating experience either. Never kissed a girl. Never touched a girl's breasts...never never never. A stripper kissed me once in a private lap dance at a strip club about 8 years ago but that doesn't count. I've never had any single girl in a genuine free real world situation like me. So I have no idea what's up with the whole thing. *I'm* way way past any age to get started too I'm sure. This is going to be a rough week.
PinkLazuli Posted November 4, 2011 Posted November 4, 2011 This is so me too!! I've been on a few dates and have never told any guy about my lack of experience. I always seem confident, so they think I've dated tons. I think one should never share any details about their sexual experience or lack of. . probably will make u a lil mysterious (which I think men find sexy). When the time is right, and things are getting more serious, you can hint a lil bit. If the guy really likes you, he'll understand. BUT, do NOT tell them right away that youre inexperienced. . I think that it will scare him away! Good luck!
kenjitamura Posted November 5, 2011 Posted November 5, 2011 I don't have the experience to substantiate my opinion, but I'll post anyway. I've heard some men treat virginity as a trophy. After the fact whenever you think about sex you'll probably recall your first time and remember the person. It gives them immense pleasure to know they are a permanent influence in your psychological process. However, not telling him of your circumstances runs the risk of moving too fast and making your first time unpleasant. You should know him well before confiding in him.
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