My Story Ends Here.

October 10, 2011

This is a long post. It just feels good to tell my story in it's entirety and I thank anyone who takes the time to read and reply.

It started January 16th 2010. My girlfriend (21) and I (24) hit it off. We fell hard for each other and never looked back. We shared everything together, had our lives planned out together, amazing sex life, everything going on in the world didn't matter when we were together. She was the love of my life and I was her's as well. She told me she was so lucky to have a guy like me who never gave up on her and was always there and she couldn't live without me.

Well after a year and a half her true colors came out, she was always critical of me, I was never good enough. She was very insecure she would accuse me of cheating, checking out girls, when I would go to the gym she would get pissed at me saying your probably just checking out girls **** you. She talked to me like I was trash. She told me I was too skinny and that it disgusted her. She would always apologize for everything but it never changed and I'm a very forgiving person and would always just act like everything was okay. She would be set off by the smallest things and would almost go in a rage. For example I could say hey to her wrong and it could set her off. I started having to walk on egg shells around her to make sure not to upset her and heard from her family that they've had the do the same for years.

Now I did things wrong too I did tell a few stupid lies such as not telling her I was going out with one of my boys and when she found out she flipped. I was afraid to tell her because everytime I went out with friends she would get upset so I lied to avoid it all. Stupid I know. I also in the last couple months stopped doing the small things for her it was hard too though because her always putting me down became an almost every day thing and it started taking it's toll.

But on the days we were happy we both agreed it was the happiest we could possibly be. Things were going good the last couple weeks. We figured things had turned the corner and we were ready to take the next step. We started furniture shopping for an apartment we were going to move in on Oct. 1st 2011 had the deposit put down but had not yet signed the lease.

Now for the Break. She left me August 28th 2011. We didn't talk for a couple days. She then started texting me saying it was such a relief being away from me and it was nice not being annoyed. So Saturday September 3rd 2011 comes along and she comes over to talk. She tells me we should see other people. I knew what this meant and asked if she was already talking to somebody. Minutes later she told me she was and left my house. I went out with one of my friends and came home and there she was cuddled up in my bed waiting for me. Told me she loved me, she was sorry, and that she wasn't going to talk to him anymore and wanted to be with me forever.

So we were back together for now. Everything was going fine but I noticed that next morning she was texting some guy named tony most of the day. And again Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. She was sending him more texts than me having more to say and my gut feeling told me something wasn't right. I asked her thursday Sept. 8th if Tony was the guy she had been talking to her on our break and she said no he wasn't that he was in a relationship and I had nothing to worry about. Well went on facebook that day and saw he in fact was single. I confronted and she broke telling me it was him. She then told me couldn't do this anymore.

She then texted me the next day saying she didn't want this. On Sept. 9th she officially took us off facebook as being in a relationship. I then found out from her the next day that she had slept with tony the night before the official break up. She even somehow tried to blame me for pushing her to do this. She said she was just drunk, that it was a mistake, and she regretted it and it made her realize how much she loved me. Yet she didn't want to try and fix things. We went out to dinner on the 11th and she said I can't be in a relationship with you now not until I see things will be different. We both cried to each other, said how we wish this never happened and both said we loved each other and wanted things to work.

She stayed in contact with me literally every day. I never initiated it. She would tell me things such as I love you, I miss you, I want happiness with only you, and really hope things work out. Well come to find out that next weekend from her on Sept. 17th she was in fact still sleeping with him while telling me all these lies of loving and missing me. I was devasted and felt so stupid. I have been lied to, cheated on, and now played yet I was still giving her the time of day. She told me she didn't have those feelings for me anymore and she was sorry.

She then kept texting me saying the same ****. Telling me she loves me, she misses me, doesn't have feelings for tony, and wants to cuddle and fall asleep in my arms. I started to believe in her again stupid me. So we hung out that weekend on the 24th, and 25th. Everything was going perfect just like it was when we first started dating. I even noticed that her room was filled with pictures of us, old flowers I had gotten her, cards, jewelry, perfume etc. Even her facebook page is covered in our pictures. Also she called the apartment complex and pushed our move in date to January. 8th. She told me she was realizing how much she loves me more and more everyday. So wed. the 28th rolls along and we hang out I meet up with her we kiss and tell each other we love you. Then she started going cold on me I went in for another kiss hours later and she said I love you stop being clingy. After this everything was still going good took her home and kissed her and we said we loved each other. She then came over on the 30th and wanted to do dinner.

So I was like let's go here she would say no to every suggestion and then said nevermind I'm going home. She left and then texted me saying my room should be filled with boxes for us to move out tomorrow and we should be having a good night together and I just can't handle this right now. So Oct. 2nd rolls along and she tells me she is so heartbroken over the fact that we were not living together. She then for the first time since the break-up didn't initiate any contact so we went NC on Oct.6th and 7th. Then she started texting me again saying how she wanted things to be the way they use to be with us

Let's get to today. THE DEAL BREAKER. This whole situation has taken it's toll on me. I couldn't handle the I love you one minute to I want nothing to do with you the next anymore. I have been so patient with her.I finally was like look I love you and want to be with you. If you honestly don't want to fix things with us please just let me go so I can move on. She then replied with I like Tony, I have fun with him, he doesn't annoy me, he's nothing like you, It's peaceful with him and I like it. She then minutes later said it's not the same with him. I don't want to do all these things with him that I did with you I want it to be you babe. Then she said she wasn't going to officially date him now because she still had hopes for us she just didn't know. She said things were weird around me now. I told her look it's because everything that has happened but I know we can make it through this.

She then said this break-up has made me realize I'm happy without you. I like tony, I like his friends, they like me, we all have a good time their not stupid like your friends. I responded with I really wish you two the best and Im glad you have found somebody that makes you happy. She replied with yeah thanks. Haven't heard anything since.

I love her so much. It hurts but I have no choice to let go now. I never begged, pleaded, promised I would change. I have been patient with her and never gave up on us even after everything that has happened. But I can't do this to myself no longer. It's time I said goodbye. I will always love this girl but this is no longer fair to me. I really do wish her the best but it's obvious she will never come back. Thank you for reading and any advice would be appreciated.

Edited October 10, 2011 by beachwrangler

October 10, 2011

I am so sorry all this had happened that is so rude! The only thing I can tell you is to let go and focus on yourself. If it helps you any, my ex told me at one point that he would never love me again and would never want anything to do with me in the future. Then months later, he texted me saying that he missed me and such. Unfortunately the timing was off between us and we couldn't be together again but that just proves that time really does change things. She may say this now, but you never know what will happen down the road. I am not trying to give you false hope, but for the meantime, just let it go, work on yourself, and if your paths with her ever do cross again, know that you will be ready because you will be a better person and would have let go what has happened in the past. I wish you the best, I know it is hard, but you can do it.

October 10, 2011

Read your story. Wow, she is messed up! I can't believe she toyed you around like that. You sound like a great guy and you do not deserve that kind of treatment. Heal up man. In time I'm sure you will find that this will be a very good thing to you.

October 10, 2011

I skipped a few words but it's pretty clear she has no idea what she wants. Don't give yourself to someone that isn't committed 100% to you. She wants the excitement of Tony and the comfort of you. That isn't fair to you are obviously stressed by the runaround and eventually you would be even more unhappy because you can't make her happy. Please take some time to distance yourself and evaluate what you really want in a relationship. Let her experience life with Tony, doesn't sound like it's based on much. (Totally don't understand what his friends vs your "stupid" friends have to do with anything either.)

October 10, 2011

Wow this is emotional abuse at its finest. This is extreme push pull and you need to run, run for the hills.

I am sorry you had to endure this, I had to too.

You have to initiate NC and lock it down like a champ and never look back. I am dead serious. When you lock down NC and fall off the face of the planet, she will leave breadcrumbs months down the road because she misses you. Dont mistake her missing you for her wanting you back. You do not want these types of women in your life.

I will tell you I am 4 months + out of the most toxic/psychopath ex girlfriend I have ever encountered in my life. And things are on the up and up. I havent been this happy and felt good about myself in a long time. My key to success is locking down NC hardcore, working out EVERYDAY like its required, joining 2 kickball leagues, bettering myself so I can go out and get better jobs, staying positive, meeting new people.

There was no DEALBREAKER in your relationship, what she did was called gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.

DO NOT THINK THIS RELATIONSHIP ENDING WAS YOUR FAULT. DO not. It wasnt. Make sure you are always thinking positive. The more you continue thinking positive and less guilt you have, the quicker you can move forward

If you have any questions feel free to ask.

Edited October 10, 2011 by wilsonx

October 10, 2011

Thank you for all the advice. Coming here always brings up my spirits. As for her calling my friends stupid she knew my friends weren't crazy about her and that was for one reason only that being the way she treated me. Of course my friends aren't gonna like her when she treats me like crap. They said if we saw she started treating you right more consistently then of course we would like her. As for today she texted me this morning asking if I heard back from the job interview for a new job Im going for. I ignored it. This is so hard for me I love her and miss her so much but I know it's what's best especially when she's treated me the way she has.

October 10, 2011

Dude this is so harsh!!!! *big hug* mate, this really sucks but this girl is a horrible horrible person.

I honestly don't think reconciliation is even an option here because she will continue to do things like this, and that tool Tony will find that out too! It's not much concilation at present to hear you've had a lucky escape but I honestly believe one day you'll be relieved to be rid of her.

Now the hard part - Coping!!!

The US military use something called overwhelming force as a main tactic, which basically means throwing more troops and firepower at the enemy than they actually need to ensure a quick and emphatic victory. THIS is what you need to do. Do EVERYTHING that can help

So getting over her?

- Read all the right books i.e. "How to break your addiction to a person" by Howard Halpern and/or "Getting Past your breakup" by Susan Elliot

- Paul McKenna's Hypnosis CD "I can mend your broken heart" (comes free with the book)

- Date other women. You may not be ready, but I've just lost my third long term partner and I got over the other two by finding a new woman. REALLY effective even if you don't want to date

- Keep posting on Loveshack

- Complete NC (This girl doesn't deserve another second of your time, and as you're probably aware she is going to keep trying to pull this **** with you regardless of what she said)

October 11, 2011

She just won't leave me alone and it makes things so much harder. I wake up to a text from her this morning. She sent me a text at 2 am last night saying I miss you bern. Then another text later saying she wanted to get lunch or dinner or maybe just a coffee because she wanted to sit down and talk. I want to respond but I can't help but think it will lead to more hurt and disappointment so I feel its best to stay away.

October 11, 2011

See, I told you she would keep doing it! She is so selfish and I can't see this pattern changing. She just wants everything and doesn't care who she's hurting. I bet Tony wouldn't be too pleased if she knew what she was doing either!!!

So you're right, if you break nc this girl is going to keep destroying you. She is absolutely horrible, and she might love you but she doesn't respect you in any way! Move on buddy before it kills you

October 11, 2011

We're here for you buddy!

I suggest setting a boundary and getting the attitude of a man with healthy boundaries in your head as the only way to live and communicate in a healthy way.

Edited October 11, 2011 by EgoJoe

October 11, 2011

DUDE!!!!! She's screwing some other guy and stringing you along! There are PLENTY of other girls out there that won't treat you with such disrespect!!

You need to cut her out of your life completely! She made her choice! You pretty much told her that it was either you or Tony. She chose Tony. SO! DONE DEAL!!! You need to move on because you deserve soooooooo much better.

Call your phone carrier and get your number changed. Block her from facebook and create a new e-mail address and cancel your old one. You said that you came home one time and found her in your bed...get the locks changed.

October 12, 2011

She really just can't leave me alone. Another text this morning saying "Do you have plans because I wanted to hang out and have an awesome day together and then go to the beach tomorrow for maybe a couple nights. Just my wishful thinking that we can make it work." She really blows my mind and I almost broke out laughing because seriously does she expect me to keep falling for this.

October 12, 2011

I hope that people like me and you one day realize that we are worth more. That there is somebody out there that can show us the kind of love we deserve. I hurt for your heart as I have been in your shoes. But it sounds to me like she is emotionally abusive towards you and that is not a healthy place to be. Every day you need to get up out of bed and be thankful for the fact that you aren't being told you are too skinny or you have crappy friends or that you are no fun to be around.

My mom gave me great advice when I seperated from my husband ten years ago. Get out a piece of paper. Write down your pros and cons in this relationship. And when you feel sad and miss her and think of how much you love her read the CONS because from your post there are NO pros other then you gave your heart to her and she has crushed it.

It worked for me. That and time.

I am sorry you are hurting.

October 13, 2011

So I broke but I'm glad I did. We went to dinner tonight. Everything was going perfect. Then relationship talk came. She said it was peaceful with him and she was happy with him. That he deserved a chance because he's never had a chance with her. She said it was so hard though because she loved me so much. That she wasn't as comfortable around anyone as much as she was with me and that we were on the same page about everything and that we had so much in common. She said with him he's not on the same page with her and doesn't get as excited about the same things as me and her did. She said she loves my family so much and that his family wasn't nothing like mine and didnt compare. She even asked if she chose him would I be willing to take her back if things didnt' work. I said NO haha in a polite tone of course saying I will not take second place. She said her biggest fear was losing me. Yet in the end she chose him. I wished her the best and she said she didn't even know if she wanted the best to happen with him. We then parted ways and said goodbye. It's weird I almost feel better now having closure to all of this.

October 13, 2011

Screw her, you're so much better than all that.

That's all I have to say .

October 13, 2011

This is one of the most bizarre stories I have read. She does not have her priorities in order. Run.

October 13, 2011

Thank you all for the advice. I am staying strong. Literally I'd say about an hour after dinner where she chose Tony. She texted me saying she think she made a mistake. ignored. not even a few minutes later she texted me saying so im guessing your not gonna take me back. ignored. I can't give in because iven been down that road before and know what the outcome will be.

October 15, 2011

So I'm a ****ing idiot. I broke NC. I'm literally typing this while I'm at the beach with her while she's taking a shower. So make things short everything was going fine then she said half the things I say and faces I make she can't stand. This hurt me because I've put up with so much from her and said well obviously you like everything about Tony. Eventually she said she just doesn't have those feelings for me anymore. Doesn't love me and it's over. She then said I think we just need to work on our friendship and take it from there I would never do that to myself. She even started blaming me for everything that has happened. Then you acting miserable isn't helping out your case. So I went through her phone I wanted to figure out how bad I was getting played. She calls him babydoll like she did with me, tells him she misses him, he makes her smile, and they've gone out and did all the things we use to do. He has no clue she has been hanging out with the both of us. She's not only playing me but him as well and I'm ****ing fed up. I didn't get caught looking through her phone. And I will not bring it up. I'm just tired of being treated like dog **** and once I take her home and I am going into strict NC. She actually went through my phone just now so I told her I went through hers. She's like your right I just like the idea of what we had and have held on to it but the thought of you just disgust me now. Then kept telling me to **** off. I am so crushed by her and back to square one. NC starts now.

October 15, 2011

You really dodged a bullet! Now she can verbally abuse this Tony guy instead. I would never ever do such a thing to a bloke.

October 18, 2011

So I have been in NC for only 2 days and here she comes yet again with texts. She is now actually pissed at me. Saying things such as I don't hear from you anymore, its like you don't even care about us or me anymore. I didn't respond and she sends me a text saying whatever. This is what she wanted she made the decision to not have me in her life when she left. I must say I am on the right path. I've gotten a new haircut, a whole new wardrobe, going to the gym faithfully, hanging out with friends, I have a District Manager position lined up for me in January things are going good and can't complain. All the advice on here has helped a lot like always. Thanks guys

October 18, 2011

good......good.....Ummmm. STAY NC THIS TIME!!!!! *slaps palm to forehead, shaking head slightly*

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