kangadownunder Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 hi i really need to vent.three weeks ago i confronted my husband about our relationship.we havnt slept in the same bed since march this year.i noticed over the months his personality changed.he lost ten kilos and he kept telling me to go out with friends which is odd because for 21 years he would be very possessive he never wanted me to go out with friends or even relatives at that.he would always question me about money where i spend it who i had lunch with at work.so i found it odd when all this changed drammatically.sept 10th that day changed my life.i asked him what was going on and yes he confessed he has fallen in love with somebody else.im devasted,i feel like a train and a bus has ripped through my chest and stomach .we are both confused.i havnt told anyone coz i feel just sick.we have 3 children 20,16 and14 and we still live under the same roof.my god it is so difficult.he doesnt want me to say anything to the children until after the new year.and he still sees he other women.im confused.he has suffered depression in the past and he told me last night that he is confused and i shouldnt find anyone because this affair might fizzle out,help he is driving me crazy.
Author kangadownunder Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 hey guys thanks for the words.to answer you i have told him to leave but he just wont go.im trying to keep my dignity by avoiding him and it is driving him crazy.he keeps asking whats wrong with me?tonight he finished work at 8 pm and he wont come home till 10pm.he does this twice a week.but i dont understand why he keeps asking me to talk to him he says he doesnt want to hurt me and the kids but just to give him time.itold him to p... off.to really um slap me in the face he messages me to tell me that him and the other woman think im amazing in how im handling the situation.also they both think that what they are doing is not cheating because it is not a sexual affair but an affair of the heart.i guess im dealing with idiots.i cant wait till he packs his bags and leaves.
Jen1689 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 He's the one who's cheating and doesn't want you to leave him in case it doesn't work out? He's the one who's ruined your marriage and doesn't want to leave? He's the one who's wrong and is asking what's wrong with you? Why are you allowing this? Why are you allowing him to have the upper hand? Tell him to leave otherwise you're telling your children what a ****ty person their father is. Your marriage is over one way or another. Plain and simple. What good would you be doing your children to keep them in the dark about this issue? They're all adults, and they're not stupid. Expose your husband. Guaranteed they won't want him there, either.
verhrzn Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Change the locks and get a divorce lawyer... at the VERY least, move yourself out. If he won't go, you need to. This is in no way appropriate, and might actually be sliding into the realm of abuse. Get out, take your children and GO.
KathyM Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Change the locks and get a divorce lawyer... at the VERY least, move yourself out. If he won't go, you need to. This is in no way appropriate, and might actually be sliding into the realm of abuse. Get out, take your children and GO. I would second this suggestion. If the man is in love with someone else, it's time that he leave his comfortable life with the wife and kids. You are making this way too easy for him, and allowing yourself to wait around to be the chosen one. Don't demean yourself like that. Change the locks and get the lawyer.
stillafool Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Yes take his life away from him. Why should he have the pleasure of seeing you everyday and still have his piece on the side. Let him go to her house and I guarantee the honeymoon will be over in no time. Why should you put your life on hold while he has a little affair. Would he allow this of you? I think not.
Author kangadownunder Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 hey guys im so glad i found this website i feel good venting out.unfortunately he wont leave.i told him to go. we dont talk much.my daughter sensed something was wrong so last night when her dad was asleep she checked his phone.yep she caught him out with the ow texts.im dealing with her emotions at the moment.he walks around like his lost in space and cries alot like a baby.i told him to leave becuase i cant stand to see our daughter like this.only time will tell.i feel confident about myself now as opposed to 1 month ago.my daughter is ok we talk alot.but she is understanding that he has to go.
Damia Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Yep,have Been where you are now.I sad for you it is a **** place to be. You are caught between a rock and a very hard place You need to decide what is right for you.Do you still love him?do you think you could heal from this if you fight for him? He needs an ultimatum you or her ! He can not have both!!pack him a bag he must have someone he can spend a few nights with.You have to make this real to him he is living in lala land at present. As another poster asked what would he be doing/saying if it were you doing this to him?bet he would not be waiting around for you to figure things out? Look after yourself first ,you are a valuable ,important ,special person who needs to be treated better than this. Good luck
Space Ritual Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 hey guys im so glad i found this website i feel good venting out.unfortunately he wont leave.i told him to go. we dont talk much.my daughter sensed something was wrong so last night when her dad was asleep she checked his phone.yep she caught him out with the ow texts.im dealing with her emotions at the moment.he walks around like his lost in space and cries alot like a baby.i told him to leave becuase i cant stand to see our daughter like this.only time will tell.i feel confident about myself now as opposed to 1 month ago.my daughter is ok we talk alot.but she is understanding that he has to go. Best thing to do now is to show him some consequences for his actions.....Go see a Lawyer and at least explore your options. What he is doing right now is call Fence Sitting. And the only way that there is a shot in hell of him coming around is by knocking him off that fence. If this had been reversed and it was you who was cheating, do you think he would have been so cordial. Of course, you can do nothing if you wish, but doing nothing is also a choice. In lieu of that, you can begin the process of the 180 on him. The 180 is designed to help you prepare to move on with or without him...look into it
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