sweetypielovely Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 My BF broke up with me Friday morning after a heated phone argument Thursday night. He said he loved me dearly but didnt need or want drama in his life right now because he was stressed from working. We were fighting because i havent been seeing him. He lives an hour away. He finally texts me yesterday and asked me to give him a few days to at least cool off. I told him that was fine and that i loved him and to cool off then. He texted back he was trying to. I continued to text him how i missed him and was sorry about the fight. He texted back to just let him cool off. Thoughts? This is agony....
Kamille Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 He needs to cool off - and you need to stop torturing yourself. Do something good for yourself: go out for a nature walk, call up a friend and talk about anything but this, watch a comedy, do something to stop worrying about this. If he is the man for you, he will demonstrate it. If he isn't, it will become clearer if you have a serene state of mind than if you're all over the place with your emotions. Bottom line is, worrying about this just isn't productive. Surely you're someone charming and lovely all on your own. What good will come out of worrying?
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Thanks. Im just so damn sad because we talk everyday normally and i miss him. Any guys have an opinion about what cooling off really means?
nini Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) Thanks. Im just so damn sad because we talk everyday normally and i miss him. Any guys have an opinion about what cooling off really means? Let him be. Dont initiate texts/calls. Reply if he does in a positive, upbeat manner. Use this cooling off period to focus on you....get yr nails done, do for a walk, hang out with the girls, when he texts etc asking what you been upto, you need to show that you have a life apart from him. Think of it this way, if he hadnt ever been in yr life, what would you do with the time you're wasting being anxious of what he is feeling and what he is thinking. and then go and do that thing... If he cools off, you guys probably still need to discuss re the fight and how to 'fight' in a good way in future. He cant just keep wanting to take time out to cool off everytime u have a fight! Let us know how it goes. But meanwhile, back off. Texting/calling/FBing re how much you miss him is a big no no! You'll only push him further away by being clingy. When he calls, talk to him, but keep conversation brief and dont discuss the fight or the cooling off. Hope this helps. And yeah think of it this way: If you dont call/text, he cant continue resenting you either for the fight, or for not letting him cool off. So by not calling/texting etc, you are actually putting yourself in a better position because slowly he'll stop resenting you but if you continue, his resentment will continue building up and it will be a breakup rather than cool off. Edited October 9, 2011 by nini typo
Kamille Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Any guys have an opinion about what cooling off really means? Okay, I'm not a guy, but I recently told my ex I needed time to cool off (before being able to consider meeting up one last time). What I meant by that was that I needed time to calm down so I could assess the situation in a better, more rational, light. That I wanted to be in control of my emotions before I made that decision. So, if he's the same, you pestering him is likely only hindering him from calming down. Imagine the following scenario. He finally cools off and reaches out to you. Scenario 1) You've spent the few days feeling anxious, feeling like you've messed up, sending him texts, worrying about him Scenario 2) You treated yourself to a pedi, went to see a movie with a friend, are feeling quite calm yourself. Which of the two scenarios will lead to a better conversation once you do meet up? Which will leave you more receptive to what he has to say?
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Im sorry yall. I just didnt see this coming and im completely emotionally invested in this and was going to move in in a month. I dont have very supportive friends right now and they keep making me feel worse by saying maybe he told me he needed to cool off for a few days because he wanted me to stop calling or texting and didnt know what else to say..but hes a blunt guy. He would have simply texted to leave him alone and never text again. Ive been putting my Halloween decor out today and took a hot bath. baby steps...right?
Kamille Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Ive been putting my Halloween decor out today and took a hot bath. baby steps...right? Good job! How does it all look?
EgoJoe Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 It means let him cool off while he prepares a personally appropriate response. Vent here not to him. We are here to help.
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 I love this forum cause it feels good to vent and have someone actually understand how i feel. The yard looks great. Did a cemetery and tombstones.
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Gosh I havent had a heartache like this in many many years. I dont know what Im gonna do if he never contacts me again....
Kamille Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Gosh I havent had a heartache like this in many many years. I dont know what Im gonna do if he never contacts me again.... I've been struggling with heartache too, and found this really helps. It might sound "new age-y", but I've found it simple and effective: If your heart area hurts (feels constrained), cup your hands over and breathe into the heat you feel there. It's been helping me relax. I do the same when I get a nervous stomach.
EgoJoe Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 He will contact you. It's kind of the way things work.
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 thanks girl...oh and with the guy you gave cooling off too....how did that go? This is just weird to me not talking to him and he was a little distant this week but we just talked marriage on Wednesday and now we arent talking. So odd.
Kamille Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I've cooled down and agreed it would be nice to meet up to honor our relationship with one final goodbye. (Situation is quite different from yours, obviously).
nini Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Gosh I havent had a heartache like this in many many years. I dont know what Im gonna do if he never contacts me again.... Be still my heart; thou hast known worse than this - Homer
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 I hope so egg...he can be a hard ass and told me day one he didnt put up with anything because of the hell his ex put him through for 7 years. We never fought once till thursday because he couldnt meet again and i was mad. I never yelled...he did. Right now im actually surprised he has made no contact.
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