Is she playing with me?

[Rimer]

Ok..

 

Girlfriend of 8 years left my out of the blue sorta. She want's stuff to go back to like when they were before when we were happy. One reason there not like that is because i'm going thrue a bad depression, no self esteem and very pessimistic because of the depression also i've let my self go. Now were started to go out at a very young age 16 i'm now almost 25. She never got to live that period of living alone.. you know that period girls usually get.. well as a guy I had that period too I was wondering what if.. but it went over.. now I've got a feeling she's using my depression (which she didnt know about before we broke up that I have.. but neither did I) as a resource to go do the stuff she wants.. living alone.. its been 5 weeks now.. were still in contact almost every couple days.. internet, txt or phone.. She's told me she needs 2-3 months of time.. before she told me we can see how things are in 6-12 months.. She told me.. I have to get myself together (i know i have to) maybe say even grow up (because the pessimist, no selfesteem) and if those change we MIGHT have a chance...

 

Now she's said she loves me but not sure she has THOSE kinda feelings towards me right now.. she needs time .. she says.. she hasn't started to date anyone knew.. not even go on a date.. she might soon..

 

My question is.. what to believe? I mean were in contact many times during a week but she doesnt want to talk about us and if I even say anything about that she gets pissed off.. so i stay quite before she's ready to talk.. I miss her so much.. i can't think about anything else for the past 5 weeks... i know we had bad times too but we both are so much on the same page on so many things..

 

Does she really mean we got a chance If I pull myself together or not? Why does she keep contact with me.. She knows I want to keep contact.. she's a straight shooter too.. so I feel if she didn't have any hope for us in the future she would have told me.. I don't know what to think.. writing on here helps..

[othersideofthepillow]

I can kind of relate to your situation, i met my ex when i was 24 and she was 19. she was (key word was) extremely mature so i never thought to much of it. when we first got together, everything was great. honeymoon phase was great. she than wanted to move in together after about 3 months of dating. i was hesitant and told her that i wanted to take things slow and that she needed to live on her own cause she would learn a lot about life and that it would benefit our relationship so much more to do it that way.

 

she eventually moved in with me and my roommate and things were great for about 5 months or so (turned 20 in that time) until she got a different job (3rd shift) and started to always be distant. she wanted to move out and still stay together but that she needed to live on her own (something i told her ALL ALONG - but when you love someone you want them to be happy and in the end she said she was mature enough and wanted to live together)(i had already been living on my own since the age of 18 being in the military for 5 years).

 

in the end she dumped me. said she wanted to be single, concentrate on work and live on her own. after the break up she gave tons of mixed singles of wanting to give it a second chance only in the end to tell me that she is starting her life over has starting seeing someone else and we wont ever talk again.

 

now in your case, you two have a VERY long history together - WHICH IS VERY VERY GOOD! but yes, people (not just woman) do need their own space to live and grow and figure things out about themselves. i dont think that her wanting to live on her own is a bad thing at all. the thing you dont want is to not allow her that space and than years down the road you find out she resents you for not ever letting her be on her own (whether or not she would have told you or not).

 

you def need to work on yourself and get yourself in order before you can truly want her to come back and be happy again. the fact that you are in contact is both good and bad. good cause you still have tabs on her/tabs on you but bad because she still has you without making a commitment.

 

trust me, when you find out she has gone on date or if she starts seeing someone else (cause remember you guys are not technically together even though in your mind you are) and tells you about it or that she now likes another guy - its gonna be KILLER.

 

i suggest that the two of you have a serious heart to heart with each other. find out what she actually wants to see as a change in you and vice versa and work on it. you also need to discuss dating other people as well cause like i said if either one of you do date someone else while you are working things out and it wasnt "allowed" than that will create a WHOLE different issue.

 

hope that helps a little....and yes your right it does help to write on here!