xra Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 So here's the brief summary: I met a guy through a dating website a few weeks ago. We hit it off right away, and went on a few casual dates every week - coffee, lunch, he invited me to his band's concert (he plays lead guitar in a pretty popular local band), etc. I find him very attractive and he's a nice guy - but as I learned more about him, I started discovering that he's kind of a deadbeat. He's 22 but still lives with his parents, is sort of going to college but failing out, sort of has a job at a factory but might be getting fired soon due to some 'disagreement with the boss', etc... He also doesn't really have any money - normally going Dutch is not a problem at all for me, but he usually pays less than his share of the cost of drinks or dinner, so yea. He seems to spend his entire days smoking pot and playing video games, and sometimes recording songs with his band (they're a very talented band actually, but are sort of having internal issues and may be falling apart). His idea of having fun involves inviting me to his parents' house and then sitting in his room and watching TV or playing video games. Hell, last time he came over to my place, he brought his Xbox and spent the night smoking pot and playing video games on my couch! I don't really know what to do here. We're not officially dating or anything, since we haven't 'defined the relationship', so to speak. And frankly, I'm not looking for commitment right now, just for someone fun to hang out with. The problem is, he's really not so fun anymore. He's very sweet to me, and I still do find him very attractive... What to do? Should I tell him how I feel? Offer more actual 'going out' activity ideas? Or just move on? Thanks in advance for any and all advice!
udolipixie Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Being boring is really unrelated to most of the stuff you put He's 22 but still lives with his parents, He's an adult yet lives with his parents...that's more of not financially secure. It's not important if you're just looking to casually date him. If you're looking for something with the potential to be serious...yea.... is sort of going to college but failing out, So he's half a** going to school and even his half a** sort of going involves him failing. Not too good a depiction of his work ethic or dedication. sort of has a job at a factory but might be getting fired soon due to some 'disagreement with the boss', etc... So soon to be unemployed and has fire worthy disagreements. He also doesn't really have any money - normally going Dutch is not a problem at all for me, but he usually pays less than his share of the cost of drinks or dinner, so yea. He's a leech depending on if you set up these dates he can't afford or if he select a place to go he knows he can't afford. When it's your time to arrange dates do cheap/free dates aka hangouts so he doesn't have to spend much. When he arranges a date and can't foot his half of the bill...sucks to be him. Now this is what I can see as being boring He seems to spend his entire days smoking pot and playing video games, and sometimes recording songs with his band (they're a very talented band actually, but are sort of having internal issues and may be falling apart). His idea of having fun involves inviting me to his parents' house and then sitting in his room and watching TV or playing video games. Hell, last time he came over to my place, he brought his Xbox and spent the night smoking pot and playing video games on my couch! So shut him down when he does stuff like that. What to do? Should I tell him how I feel? Offer more actual 'going out' activity ideas? Or just move on? Tell him your idea of fun and see if he cares enough to do it.
grkBoy Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I don't think he's "boring" as much as he's not mature and established enough for you. The living at home part alone I'd tell you not to ponder too deeply into. Look at the economy and how many 20somethings end up at home. I'll confess I never got out of my house until 27 and then I ended up back from ages 30-34 because of the dotcom crash and the economic problems that came with it. However, it's one thing if a guy is at home and he's working, going to school, building a career, getting his life going, or even taking care of an elderly relative who needs the help...but in this guy's case he's being a teenager for the rest of his life. I'd probably tell you that you have no future with him. You're kind of hoping he might "grow up" and then later you two settle down, marry, etc...but his pot smoking slacker mentality will clearly show you he's nowhere near ready to go there. He won't be the long term guy you probably want. You can try talking to him about it...but ask yourself if you really want to be his new mommy? Because you're acting like it then.
chphan Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Err he's 22 years old. When I was 22 I was still living with my parents and still trying to find my way in life. To be honest, he's pretty much doing what most 22 year old are doing. Him playing video games and hanging out with his band is pretty normal to me. If he was 30+ and doing all this than I would be concern. And I really dont know why you title it: Boring you to death since nothing you said so far indicate that he's boring you to death. This looks more like you are looking for a more serious relationship with someone that's more grounded in what he wants out of life. In this case you might be better off looking for someone thats a bit older than 22 year old.
mike111 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I don't really know what to do here. xra, I read your whole post. And I know what you SHOULD do. Dump him. Kinda being blunt pretty here. But this guy appears to be a real loser.
maysj18 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 As someone above me mentioned, he is only 22. Living at home, smoking weed, whatever..that's all pretty typical for a lot of people in that age range. If he was mid to late twenties, then yeah..but he's still young and like you said, you just want to have fun. Just talk to him casually, saying you want to do more than just hang around the house. Bring up things that don't cost money like hiking or something. HOWEVER, if deep down you want a relationship or think you're going to get attached, break it off. It's too early in the relationship for you to ask him to change, which never works anyway.
Jynxx Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 He's 22 and acts like a 15 year old. He's ****ing up his education, his job, his band and his life in general. He's cheap and boring. How is this even a question? Dump the chump.
spiritofjosh Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I'm 25, work a full time job and still live at my mom's. No shame here, I simply just don't make enough to live on my own, doesn't help I live on the Jersey Shore, it's super expensive to live in Jersey. So I wouldn't judge so easily on living arrangement. But living situation aside, he doesn't seem to want to grow up. If he's in jeopardy of losing his job he should worry less about smoking weed and start looking for another job. This isn't advice for him but take it that if you're just looking for something casual you're better off looking else wear. I'd sort of not be so critical about a man's home though, time's are tough and everybody's different. Most people in their early to mid 20's are still getting their acts together.
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