daphne Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I decided recently that it was about time to start dating again. I haven't put any real effort into it, but I met a guy through some friends. Initially, I politely gave him signals that I wasn't interested because he's in his 20's. I even tried to set him up with a friend his age. But we've been hanging out and he's a lot of fun and I know where this is headed from the painfully obvious flirtation. So here I am, overthinking it and talking myself out of it. I don't want to waste any time on something that's not going anywhere while Mr. Right could be right around the corner. Even if he is a lot of fun to be around. I thought about just being friends, but the chemistry's a bit too high. And the fact that I woke up thinking about him is not indicative of a strong friendship. Why can't I have this problem with someone my age? Why do guys in their 30's rarely hit on me, but every 20 something will.
camper15935 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 What kind of age difference. in yrs and bracket. ie: him you 29 39 25 32 Why not just date and have fun. So long as your up front have fun and get out.
january2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Some younger guys like attractive older women. Could be due to a preference or for a challenge - a tickbox thing. On one level it's flattering but I couldn't go there. I'm not looking for short-term relationships or friends with benefits, nor am I looking for a long-term relationship with someone who is not a peer. Thus I'd pull away and put some distance between us. Take away the temptation, so to speak.
Imajerk17 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Try multidating again? Sorry, best idea I could think of. Does this guy seem to have a good head on his shoulders? Healthy relationships with other people, his career, money? I would say those are more important questions than the year he happened to be born...
Cee Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) I have long thought that you should date a 20-something. You have mentioned on multiple threads that you don't date younger men. I think the universe has a sense of humor and is pointing you toward precisely what you fear. In my experience, younger men are no better/worse than men my age. However, there are a lot more of them who are single. Most of the men I know in their mid-30s and older are partnered or married. You won't know who your next boyfriend is. You don't have that control. I say accept dates graciously from decent men and see what happens. Edited October 9, 2011 by Cee
Author daphne Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 What kind of age difference. in yrs and bracket. ie: him you 29 39 25 32 Why not just date and have fun. So long as your up front have fun and get out. Somewhere in the middle? Yes, it would be nice just to date and have fun. I think somehow I might miss out on the right one by spending time with the right now one. Some younger guys like attractive older women. Could be due to a preference or for a challenge - a tickbox thing. On one level it's flattering but I couldn't go there. I'm not looking for short-term relationships or friends with benefits, nor am I looking for a long-term relationship with someone who is not a peer. Thus I'd pull away and put some distance between us. Take away the temptation, so to speak. I don't know that it's so much that. I don't look my age at all. Where we went last night was mostly young 20's and I was getting hit on quite a bit. What you're saying is basically how I feel. It is tempting. I don't want a fwb. I don't know how people do it. Try multidating again? Sorry, best idea I could think of. Does this guy seem to have a good head on his shoulders? Healthy relationships with other people, his career, money? I would say those are more important questions than the year he happened to be born... Lol. I don't think I'll do multi dating again per se. If I do the online thing again, I'm doing coffee first. I'm not spending all of my time and energy on getting dolled up to be disappointed and waste some guy's money. Yes, he has all of those things. But I'm a realist. Age differences where teh woman is older don't tend to work out.
Author daphne Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 I have long thought that you should date a 20-something. You have mentioned on multiple threads that you don't date younger men. I think the universe has a sense of humor and is pointing you toward precisely what you fear. In my experience, younger men are no better/worse than men my age. However, there are a lot more of them who are single. Most of the men I know in their mid-30s and older are partnered or married. You won't know who your next boyfriend is. You don't have that control. I say accept dates graciously from decent men and see what happens. Au contraire, I do date younger men but only a few years. Ok, I did date one 22 year old. He treated me like a princess and was a model. And made me laugh more than anyone I've dated since. Who could say no to a date with that? I agree about the sick sense of humor thing. I ask God for a man my age, I get puppies. I love puppies, don't get me wrong but you can't build a future with a puppy. I agree with a lot of what you said. I think most of the guys my age are already paired off and so there's just a huge number of younger single guys. I think there's one thing a younger guy has over an older guy (besides the obvious). They breathe life and are a lot more fun with little baggage.
thatone Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Some younger guys like attractive older women. Could be due to a preference or for a challenge - a tickbox thing. On one level it's flattering but I couldn't go there. I'm not looking for short-term relationships or friends with benefits, nor am I looking for a long-term relationship with someone who is not a peer. Thus I'd pull away and put some distance between us. Take away the temptation, so to speak. younger guys like older women for the same reason younger women like older men. maturity. if you are mature/intelligent beyond your years in your mid 20s the pool is highly limited, there's a lot of stupid kids out there. with older women struggling to find relationships it's a natural thing to expand your age range. i've been the first person to tell a 24 year old girl 'no' in her lifetime. don't really care to play that game again.
mike111 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I don't want to waste any time on something that's not going anywhere while Mr. Right could be right around the corner. http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_RAKGNdU3CSQ/SDuORett3TI/AAAAAAAAASw/ODzp59DeDvo/s400/Waiting-for-Mr-Right_298x187.jpg
snug.bunny Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 If you're in your thirties, and he is in his early twenties...probably not. But if he's in his late twenties, I think it would be alright.
Author daphne Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Find a grown-up to date, daphne!!! Will if I wannoo. There aren't that many that are keepers my age. The last one I found, was a good older one and alas he had a wife and kids. It's slim pickins out there. Sigh.
Author daphne Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_RAKGNdU3CSQ/SDuORett3TI/AAAAAAAAASw/ODzp59DeDvo/s400/Waiting-for-Mr-Right_298x187.jpg That made me giggle. Someone else on here has that in their avatar.
Cee Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 My 24-year old BF is a keeper. I had a bike accident on Friday night and he rescued me at the site of the fall and has been taking care of me all weekend. Even though I have wounds on my face, he looks at me with love and tells me I'm lovely. I am keenly aware that my 41 years of age doesn't equate with maturity and common sense. I should not have been riding in the dark like that. This doesn't relate to the thread, but I'm feeling vulnerable right now and wanted to share.
thatone Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Will if I wannoo. There aren't that many that are keepers my age. The last one I found, was a good older one and alas he had a wife and kids. It's slim pickins out there. Sigh. yeah, i know. if i could turn my money into billions i'd buy everyone 30-50 on here who can't find normal people where they live apartments and plane tickets so they could date each other.
Author daphne Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 My 24-year old BF is a keeper. I had a bike accident on Friday night and he rescued me at the site of the fall and has been taking care of me all weekend. Even though I have wounds on my face, he looks at me with love and tells me I'm lovely. I am keenly aware that my 41 years of age doesn't equate with maturity and common sense. I should not have been riding in the dark like that. This doesn't relate to the thread, but I'm feeling vulnerable right now and wanted to share. I didn't realize the age gap was that big between you two. I'm glad he's taking care of you. Hope you feel better soon. yeah, i know. if i could turn my money into billions i'd buy everyone 30-50 on here who can't find normal people where they live apartments and plane tickets so they could date each other. I'm not sure there are enough normal people on here to do that with... Please don't send me a criminal or a virgin, or a guy who refuses to pay for a date. For the love of God!
Cee Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Yeah, the age difference is ridiculous. But he insists that age is just a number. And I'm beginning to believe him. Since we've been dating, I feel like I have grown younger. All of a sudden, I'm trying to learn new things and am revisiting my idealistic dreams.
Tayla Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Ultimately maturity and chemistry will play key. Not a cougar myself yet I got much admiration for folks who can date outside the comfort zone that has been laid upon us... Only you know what is right for your life style...all anyone here can do is wish you well in your choices and support you along the way
thatone Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I'm not sure there are enough normal people on here to do that with... Please don't send me a criminal or a virgin, or a guy who refuses to pay for a date. For the love of God! good point. and who would get stuck with one goal? that would be the end of my grand idea.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I decided recently that it was about time to start dating again. I haven't put any real effort into it, but I met a guy through some friends. Initially, I politely gave him signals that I wasn't interested because he's in his 20's. I even tried to set him up with a friend his age. But we've been hanging out and he's a lot of fun and I know where this is headed from the painfully obvious flirtation. So here I am, overthinking it and talking myself out of it. I don't want to waste any time on something that's not going anywhere while Mr. Right could be right around the corner. Even if he is a lot of fun to be around. I thought about just being friends, but the chemistry's a bit too high. And the fact that I woke up thinking about him is not indicative of a strong friendship. Why can't I have this problem with someone my age? Why do guys in their 30's rarely hit on me, but every 20 something will. Maybe because any social game plan you have does not include meeting as many people as you possibly can, until such a point as when mutual attraction inspires you to pair-off with somebody. So... date the guy, socialize with the guy, MEET people that he knows, learn some of the things that he likes, and the WORST possible case is that you will have broadened your horizons and increased your contacts. There is no script for all of this so that means that you should probably circulate more widely than the mathematical equation in your head suggests would/will be needed to find promising candidates for dating. (and you know all of this already)
Author daphne Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Yeah, the age difference is ridiculous. But he insists that age is just a number. And I'm beginning to believe him. Since we've been dating, I feel like I have grown younger. All of a sudden, I'm trying to learn new things and am revisiting my idealistic dreams. Not ridiculous. But totally out of my comfort level. You seem really happy with him. Life is short. It's better that than with some ass who's your age. Personally, I've never really grown up. I think this is why the youngins can relate to me. Anyone that I can have fun with and stop thinking of the serious side to life is A OK in my book. Ultimately maturity and chemistry will play key. Not a cougar myself yet I got much admiration for folks who can date outside the comfort zone that has been laid upon us... Only you know what is right for your life style...all anyone here can do is wish you well in your choices and support you along the way I wish I knew what that was. I'm starting to think Cee's right. No matter how much I reach for the guy my age or older, the more I keep meeting and being pursued by guys I feel are too young. good point. and who would get stuck with one goal? that would be the end of my grand idea. I'm thinking he needs a female that is as narcissistic and neurotic as himself. There's someone on the board that might fit that description, but I won't be impolite.
Nexus One Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Not ridiculous. But totally out of my comfort level. You seem really happy with him. Life is short. It's better that than with some ass who's your age. Personally, I've never really grown up. I think this is why the youngins can relate to me. Anyone that I can have fun with and stop thinking of the serious side to life is A OK in my book. I wish I knew what that was. I'm starting to think Cee's right. No matter how much I reach for the guy my age or older, the more I keep meeting and being pursued by guys I feel are too young. I'm thinking he needs a female that is as narcissistic and neurotic as himself. There's someone on the board that might fit that description, but I won't be impolite. Have you ever tried a relationship with one of those guys you consider too young?
Author daphne Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Maybe because any social game plan you have does not include meeting as many people as you possibly can, until such a point as when mutual attraction inspires you to pair-off with somebody. So... date the guy, socialize with the guy, MEET people that he knows, learn some of the things that he likes, and the WORST possible case is that you will have broadened your horizons and increased your contacts. There is no script for all of this so that means that you should probably circulate more widely than the mathematical equation in your head suggests would/will be needed to find promising candidates for dating. (and you know all of this already) All I can do is bemoan the fact that I didn't know all of this when I was in my 20's. How did I not know? I didn't realize you have to meet a ton of people to get a good idea of what you need/want. It was the stupid romantic in me that had this perfect intellectual, European type charted out. I almost married that guy, but how many of those am I going to meet in the States? Lord. There should be a class in high school on the practicality of love and pairing off. I see nothing wrong in your suggestions. I just hope we can keep our wits about us and just be friends and see how it goes. I gather that I have somewhat of a reputation for being the hot neighbor (not my words) with his friends and coworkers (I'm mutual friends with a couple of his.) I find this odd, but very flattering at the same time. They have a wide network of male friends. It can only help me, but man will I have to endure a lot more football to meet them all. So, rambling aside. I need to expand my social circles beyond what I've been doing. And maybe loosen up and just get to know the guy. It's not like he's asking me for a fwb. He just wants to fix my appliances and play board games. Oh wait. Is that the way a guy asks for fwb??? The last young guy offered to wash and wax my car and run errands for me. I don't know the code.
Author daphne Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Have you ever tried a relationship with one of those guys you consider too young? No. I dated or flirted with them but never got to the point where I was comfortable moving forward. The 22 year old got mad and stopped talking to me when I wouldn't talk about why I had such an issue with the age difference. I actually chased one away that appeared to be very interested, and he was 6 years younger. I think I blew it there cos he looked like a total keeper.
january2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 It was the stupid romantic in me that had this perfect intellectual, European type charted out. I almost married that guy, but how many of those am I going to meet in the States? Lord. Have you tried the European ex-pat community? There must be a website, meetup group, business club that caters to this crowd. Failing that, move to Europe. We like Americans.
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