6 year relationship break-up EXTREMELY DEPRESSED

[lostsoul123]

first of all i dint even know how many people are having the same problems as i do, is amazing and that reaction on breakups are so similar so i will introduce myself Im from puerto rico so that explain my bad english i had this relationship for 6 years we used to break up all the time and go back together ALWAYS ,we have reach a point to insult each other badly on the last break ups between the 4 and 5 years it did stop though cuz it was to inmature to take out anger in that way i have caught her liying as she had caught too ......just to point that we had mayor issues and a lot has happen on the relationship....but everything takes a diferent course one time in particular when i break up with her out of jealousy and i said to her all this acumulated anger basically your a slut bla bla bla i dont ever wanna be with you ect ect... i dint talk to her not even texted her for a few weeks then i realise what i did and i was wrong i came back trying to contact her SHE CHANGED HER PHONE and i was like whattt!??! i even try harder in to contact her in fb boom she bloked me !! i was desesperated i did all i can to go back with her and by the time she showed up she told me she cant take it anymore that i was thinking that it was a game and she had enough uffffffffffffff more harder i tried i even make 4 fb fake accounts to reach her all of them were blocked 1 mesage sent to her later. i was crazy but i finally stop, i meet this other girl who was really fun to be with and start dating and doing stuff you know, but still months later my mind was thinking ..how my ex must be doing..if she had someone else ect ect ect. but never contact her ...one day i check my email i a had a couple of messages from my ex, just telling me that she hopes im good and bla bla bla i was really happy and mad at the same time thanks to her rejection i knew i had to ignore the message but i just could't so i write everything is allrigth bla bla bla hope ur good too. from that moment i was cheking my email 20 times a day to see if she responded!! and she did we start talking again i dont remember exactly how we end up seeing each other cuz it was long time ago but i think it was me who brougth up ''hey what do you say if we see each other long time no see'' anyways to make it short a few times when we see each other she flirt with me and a i kiss her one day and boom we are having sex and few days a week but i never stop seeing the other girl too so the time i dint spent with my ex i did with the other girl they dont even know i was seeing both :/ it was like a perfect time for me i dint harrased my ex or even jealous when she hang out with her friends just cuz the other girl was there , i keep up and i did make up my mind i said ok i will be with the other girl my ex is back in my life but i could't never forgive how humiliated i was when i begged her. but one day got this call from my ex insulting me ''you motherf....... you are with this girl and me the whole time it explain why you have changed why you are more lay back bla bla bla ...i did the ronnie from js line ''deny deny deny'' but they contacted each other and but i make they look like liars the other girl belive me undoudly but my ex dint ever want to see me again, i said not again and i panicked so i tell my ex part of the true about she was my friend and all that. i leaveeee the other girl and made my mind with GOING BACK WITH MY EX we were never officially bf but she came to my house bla bla, all the sudden the old me is back all the jealousy is back all the bad memories all the lies from my ex beging taking almost all my mind........................................continue on next post

[lostsoul123]

so she accepted me and we start talking again just like old times one day she decides to hang out and if i hang out it is ok for me so i let her go with her friends, we almost always see each other at the end of the nigth but this time i decided not to , and i told her i cant see u im already home and ask when she was coming home, she hang up not even saying anything i call back with anger she dint pick up , i kept calling and still but i notice she was hitting ignore, i rush to my car and begin my way to her home something was up for sure, i keep calling her on my way and she pick up accidentaly and a hear this silence like driving and then it got cut-out. i even got more mad i wait for her at the from of her house hiding and i car showed up hesitating, i see her! and she i go to the car to see whos driving and it was a man as i rush to the door i look at him and he says ''can u take care of her shes drunk ''and i say ''ok'' he drives off and i look and her i said you'' see why i dont trust you ''and she says ''blahh'' i was like ''reallyyy!!'' i insulted her! crying at the same time hurt. she bougth up the other girl i had in conversation i was even more shocked and i go running to my car i go home. next day i called her (YEAH ME) cursing at her and she explain her female friend let her off at this place and she call him to take her home. i dint belive it for a second but my love for her accepted her back from that moment i know she knew i could't be without her , next days we were like usual but even more jealous me, controlling every move about her and cheking up her cellphone, eventually i find some guy texted her ''what you gonna do today'' she text back ''nothing what about you'' he said dont know i let you know'' she text back ''ok'' i was furioussss!!!!! she was at my home and i said ''is over'' she begins begging me ans saying she would do anything to have me back i she offers deleting her facebook and changing her number ....she was histerically crying ...i did what i regret today and will forever do, i accepted her back!!!!!!!!! she never erase her fb she only deativate it and her number remains the same and her excuse was joB RESUME application having her number, for a few weeks she told me if i dont erase my fb she will reopen hers. i said ok i agree , she notice my fb never was deleted and reopen hers and one more time got angry and told her ''i dint was the one with female texting on my phone why should erase mine??'' i never erase mine and she was keeping her saying i did keep in why agree . i let that go, and continue on.......this is where i dont understand what the heck go wrong ..i was on a vacation hotel with me my fam. and i invited her one nigth we go drinking had a blast i cant be more happy in my life with her i have learned to control my self to be contant cheking her cell and beaing jealous, we were drunk and i was entirely in love with her i could't ask for a perfect moment so we went to our room i was drunk as hello and notice she left her cell...i did what i never supposed to do i check it.........there was i tell of some male friend saying ''my birthday is in (this place) (this day) bla bla i hope see you guys there "" it was like a group text guess what?? i got mad with no reason cuz i knew he was a friend but my controlling ego took over and i started yelling and telling her who the **** is that person she told me and i said''no guy text my girfriend you are ****ed'' she begins crying it escalatedd i start thinking all other times she done wrong , the way the had denied the truth before and i smash her cellphone.................continue next post

[lostsoul123]

the next day we dint spoke all the way home i reach home with her and tell her you know what happen its time to drop you off in your house and is over ..i left her again ,mad and thinking she would never change but at the back of my head i was confused and thinkin ''i think it got out of control'' , she told me the phone i break is not hers it was a blackberry from her friend and now i must buy a new cell to her friend , she was mad about it and we stoped talking from that day but a few days i called her and apologize we started talking but something was off, like she was changed i got desesperated and harrased her 24/7, she got mad and one day i just arrive from work and she said to me im going out ...and i laugh and said'' you are joking rigth'' she said ''no ''' i threaten her is you do that is over bla bla bla bla and she still goes i was mad i tell her things (bad stuff) for the next few days. and then i say what the heck is just one nigth out and talk to about going back together and guess what she rejected me, big time telling me she was felling like she dont belive anything from me ,i cried and begged her she say she cant be with me crying, and told me it is happening again just like last time i got out of control telling her i wont ever be bad to her again.MORE REJECTION she starts talking to me indiferently like friends (just friends) but i got to point were i was the only one calling her she dont called me like she used to do before,i eat my heart and said ok if this is what she wants it will be this. i recently start reading this book and how get back ur ex, and amazingly it works but you must hold against calling her and texting and wanting to know about her, i did it exactly as the book and she contact me and soon realize loving makes me weak and i tried not to love her and showing her how good amd happy im without her i start making lies on fb about me going out i even make fake female profiles and make my profile public (i dint have her as friend) then again trying not to love her. she said she want to get me something to eat for my birthday , we went out and i acted happy and cheefull i even told her the break up was the best thing ever happen to me. i follow the book rules about this meting , shes was crazy to know more about me asking me what i did on this particular weekend bla bla she was the one engaging relationship past stuff not me,as i end eating she told me she dont even want to go to her university class and so she order drinks , we chat over drinks. we arrived home and she enter my house to use the bathroom and i with purpose wait her outside like telling her ''no baby get out off my house and go" as she makes her way into her car she told me her class is in like 2 hours and said it was a hot day i invited her to my room which have a/c she accepted and smile i turn the tv on and she starts looking throug my stuff ,digital camara, it was obvious she was trying to find a reason for me being happy and cheerfull i just enjoy whatching her like that , then..............i couldt help myself and look her straigth in the eye and said..."'today ur mine'' we had this amazing sex ! and i was how amazed how sicology works but the problem is i still loved her i was making my way strong and following this book to get her back after we finish i say yes i did it and i was proud of me she goes to her class and i could be more confident that she will call me and text me..........i was wrong she started to be around occasionally and still hangs out whenever she wants and to be more sincere every damn weekend and even oher days shes out!! my heart just crumble and start to break slowlly thinking that the only way i can get her attention and have her is by playing what im not........im sensible i love her and i need her in my live and the only way to be with her is really by not showing that???? today im in this situation i exploted days after telling her how can she have sex with me and still be like nothing happen you know like (just friends).................im dying trying to get motivated to continue on but is just break my heart that my ex gf is a cold person who want to carry on her life doing the stuff she does have like this how can she preffer hanging out than having me after all we have life together...........i hope i dint anoy you guys with this story and i know is long as hell but i just needed to be really specific....cuz as for me i dont get it. my asume she is talking back with someone she had when she rejected me the first time or i dont even know what more to think the posibilities are endless for me. (((