bewildered1975 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 8 months ago, I discovered that my husband of 16 years has been cheating on me. We married young (while still in college) and are parents to 2 amazing boys. In March this year, i caught hubby watching porn and masturbating. Given that he has been telling me that stress has been the reason for our almost non existent sex life for a few years now, a terrific fight ensued. Over months of conversations, it came to light that he has been sleeping around for 13 years. I forgave him. Next came the admission that he had never found me attractive and had been in love with my best friend from 3 months before our marriage! Months later, he told me that he has been in love with a junior officer in his workplace (he is the COO) for 3 year, and has had a rip roaring affair with her. After all this, he claims to have fallen in love with me in the past month and a half, and wants to be with me. A good and decent man for all intents and purposes (barring marriage), he has promised to never transgress again. What do I do????
MissBee Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I think this man has issues. I am sorry but there is no way that one can just forgive 13 years of affairs, him saying he is inlove with your bestfriend, never finding you attractive....just like that. I mean that is A LOT to work through! I mean what was he trying to get out of saying that to you? Also...sorry...if he has been carrying on for 13 years, and your entire marriage has been a lie, why would after ALL THAT TIME and lies would him saying "I won't do it again, I'm inlove with you after a month and 1/2 when I've never been inlove with you ever"....how does that change anything? That is just as unbelievable and crazy! What happened in a month and a 1/2 to erase over a decade of infidelity and him not being inlove/attracted???? I'm pretty sure NOTHING! He is just full of shyyt IMO. If things are going to work out, I think the first place to go is marriage counseling in order to put EVERYTHING on the table and see what's going on and if this is salvageable. Through that process you may be better able to work out whether or not it is worth staying, if you can trust him and feel loved by him OR if it is a lost cause.
bentnotbroken Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I'd run like hell. There is deep stuff going on with this dude and if I didn't have my eye on him 24/7, I wouldn't trust him not to repeat behavior. It does not disappear in a few months.
michelangelo Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 A good and decent man for all intents and purposes (barring marriage), he has promised to never transgress again. What do I do???? If he's been cheating and disrespecting you for your entire marriage, how is he a good and decent man?
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