sedgwick Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) Someone I've crushed on from afar for 14 years (yes, really!) recently separated from his wife. I wanted so badly to tell him that I've always had a thing for him, but I learned my lesson from Joe, my ex who left me four years ago, and I kept my mouth shut. For me, anyway, the wisest choice is to NEVER, EVER tell someone I like them. Seems to work for other people, but for me it just puts the other person in the awkward position of having to let me down easily, and I don't want to do that to anybody. It's not fair to them. I told Joe I liked him, and we see where that got me. Two years after he dumped me, when I developed a little crush on someone else, I made the horrible mistake of telling him too. He let me know immediately that I was not good enough for him, just as Joe had. I was humiliated, and I've been avoiding that guy for two years now. It's difficult, because I've had to sit out parties and events I'd like to attend, but I'd be too embarrassed to face him. So I let this one go. I kept my cool, I didn't say a word. Found out today he's started seeing someone else. I'm proud of myself that I got my one window of opportunity in 14 years of knowing this guy, and I let it go. I didn't embarrass myself, and I didn't bother him. I'm learning. I'm horrifically lonely, lonelier than I ever imagined a human being could be, but at least I'm not humiliating myself anymore, and that feels really good! Edited October 9, 2011 by sedgwick
january2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Since he recently separated from his wife, I think your crush was off limits anyway. But I'd urge you to let your guard down next time if it is appropriate. Even as an adult, letting love in requires us to show some vulnerability. It would be a shame to be lonely for the rest of your life just because you fear a little embarrassment.
Author sedgwick Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 He wasn't off limits to the new woman he's just started seeing, apparently! But hey, at least I didn't bother him. I have too much respect for him to let him know I've been pining for him for years; he's WAY out of my league! I'm not the type that anyone could ever be attracted to; my last relationship taught me that in spades. And letting the other guy know I was attracted was just the slap in the face I needed to remind me that love is for others, but not for me. Right now I just settle for living vicariously through other people's relationships -- I spend a lot of time looking through Facebook photos and pretending I'm attractive enough to go out and do the things other people do. It's lonely, but I'm okay. I've developed a very rich fantasy life in which I get to socialize all I want!
january2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Well, as long as you're okay. Perhaps one day when you are ready, you will take that leap of faith and fantasy can become reality.
Author sedgwick Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 I took that leap with Joe, and I dipped my toe into the idea of taking it again with the next guy. At this point, I'm done getting slapped down. I'd rather just not bother anyone -- it's better to be lonely than to annoy another person.
green_tea Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I took that leap with Joe, and I dipped my toe into the idea of taking it again with the next guy. At this point, I'm done getting slapped down. I'd rather just not bother anyone -- it's better to be lonely than to annoy another person. It seems like you have been attracted to the wrong guys. Do you really want to be with someone who acts like someone showing interest in them is an annoyance? It's not a very nice thing to do to someone is it? Don't give up hope, and as january2011 said, of letting your guard down again. You sound like a nice person, and you deserve a nice guy.
mickleb Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I'm proud of myself... ...that feels really good! Whatever floats your boat! Glad you're happy, Sedg. x
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