Ex-boyfriend remained my best friend until he found someone else. I'm heartbroken.

[StarsInHerEyes]

I'll try to keep this simple, since it's a complicated situation to begin with. I was in a serious relationship with my ex for 4 years, we shared our lives together, he even lived at my house for a year. All though we fought a lot, we did have some fun times and we were sexually compatible. He was my best friend, I couldn't see myself ever being with another man again. I know that he cared about me and tried his best to make me happy. The reason it didn't work out is because we had different goals and he was ready to move on and get married someday, buy a home, start a family, etc while I still feel like I have a lot of life ahead of me and it's taking me longer to figure out what I want to do. He couldn't accept that, so we broke up eventually. It was mutual and we agreed to still see each other and remain friends with benefits. This went on for almost a year (next month will be one year that we've been broken up), and I enjoyed having sex with him and being with him, it just felt nice to have someone to cuddle with and be there with me. Well, a couple of months ago he signed up on dating sites and I didn't really think anything would come out of it, he had a couple of girls talk to him but nothing serious. He even met someone, but it was only once and she quit talking to him. So you wouldn't believe how should I was to learn that he started to hang out with this new girl every single day. I didn't really think anything would come of it. Then he tells me that they text all the time, and he's always staying at her dorm now. I do think he's being obsessive with her, because when I first talked to him, we didn't even meet until after a month. He's known her for about two weeks. What makes it so much worse is that she wants to be my friend. She posts pictures of them on Facebook and it hurts so much to look at them. I'm not ready to deal with this, so I've cut off all communication with him. I've turned off my phone and I'm not sure how long I'm going to ignore him, but I feel like it is what I have to do to regain my self-respect. I know that the first mistake was still having relations with him after being broken up. And I also realize that I should have dealt with my feelings then, but I've waited so long and now the pain is really intense and I am so heartbroken. I feel as though I've lost my best friend. He's pulled away from me and was not calling much to begin with after meeting her. He promised to always be my friend, since he knows I have nobody else to hang out with. Should I keep ignoring him in hopes that he will somehow try to contact me? I am supposed to meet up with both of them at the Zoo next week, but I can't see myself going. I'm sure she's nice enough, but it hurts so much to see her being happy with the man that I still care about and love. I just feel like I've wasted so much of my life trying to make him happy, I made him the number one person and cut off everybody else. He was very sweet when we first met, gradually over the years he became more and more detached and acts as though he has no feelings at all. I am trying to move on as well, I've been chatting with some guys on dating sites. Honestly, I just want my best friend back. I want him to still come over, I want him to talk to me and be able to joke around and have fun like the old days. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

[norajane]

The reason it didn't work out is because we had different goals and he was ready to move on and get married someday, buy a home, start a family, etc while I still feel like I have a lot of life ahead of me and it's taking me longer to figure out what I want to do.

I just feel like I've wasted so much of my life trying to make him happy, I made him the number one person and cut off everybody else. He was very sweet when we first met, gradually over the years he became more and more detached and acts as though he has no feelings at all.

Look at this as an opportunity to finally go out and live your life. You broke up with him because you wanted to experience more of life, but a year later, you haven't done that because you were still cuddling with him.

 

Let him go. It's time to go out and start living the life you want.

[Zabs]

Sounds more a case of something stuck in your throat honey?

 

At the end of the day, you say earlier in your post the split was because you felt you had more life to live and he was ready for the next level...

 

Friends with benefits...always bad idea. Why? Look at the situation you are in now! You took too long in making a decision. Got comfortable with the F/B situation and it suited him for a time too...now he has moved on with someone that may or may not have a mutual direction to him...

 

Harsh things to say but I guess there is learning to be had from the experience...and learning to be had from anyone else of the site doing the same or considering it. Life is not a rehearsal..so get down!

 

Zabs xx

[stillafool]

It is never a good idea to try to be friends with an Ex and especially a FWB relationship. This girl will probably want to marry him.

[M2155]

You can't have him back as a friend because it will never be the same. Especially being FWBs, that was not a true "friendship." He was your best friend but also your boyfriend- it is almost impossible to be your best friend now with a new girlfriend (which is to be expected if you're broken up). You would not want your next boyfriend being "best friends" with a girl he used to sleep with either would you?

 

You said you have nobody. Maybe you should do what he did and start looking to make new friends and explore life. Yes you should keep ignoring him because you have to change your relationship completely. It's always possible one day he'll get lonely and want to fall back with you for sex or need someone to talk to, but you're not going to be his focus anymore. He's moving on. If you had met someone (since you're broken up) you wouldn't be hanging out with him the same either.

 

Why in the world are you going to the zoo with them? Don't force yourself to be friends with her. That's awkward and you need to distance yourself so he doesn't have her and you. I can't think of any case I'd want to go out with my ex and their date, very third-wheel.

[BLuvv]

Your story is so similar to mine. I broke up with my ex a year ago, September. We stayed friends and it ended up being a fwb situation. Although my ex never met anyone. I went no contact 13 days ago and I would advise you do the same. You have to really separate yourself to move on. And your story is a reminder of why it's so important to really move on, you haven't at all and neither had I and you just get stuck in this unsatisfying limbo where you're bound to get hurt even more.

 

Also I would definitely not go to hang out with the new girl. What good would come of it??! Do you honestly think you could be friends with her in this situation?? I would say don't do it and just stop talking to him or seeing him and start planning things for yourself and move on and meet new people. You'll be happier later on if you move on even though it's hard now.

[shortee143]

I was good friends w my ex prior to dating..that friendship is now destroyed, and I cant even fake it and pretend we are friends. I did for a bit, we hooked up, etc.....then bam, he found someone new..and now we dont even speak! It really hurts, first they dump you, we try and be friends and hold onto to them, then they meet someone new, and we feel foolish and left in the dust.

[Desensitized]

I'll try to keep this simple, since it's a complicated situation to begin with. I was in a serious relationship with my ex for 4 years, we shared our lives together, he even lived at my house for a year. All though we fought a lot, we did have some fun times and we were sexually compatible. He was my best friend, I couldn't see myself ever being with another man again. I know that he cared about me and tried his best to make me happy. The reason it didn't work out is because we had different goals and he was ready to move on and get married someday, buy a home, start a family, etc while I still feel like I have a lot of life ahead of me and it's taking me longer to figure out what I want to do. He couldn't accept that, so we broke up eventually. It was mutual and we agreed to still see each other and remain friends with benefits. This went on for almost a year (next month will be one year that we've been broken up), and I enjoyed having sex with him and being with him, it just felt nice to have someone to cuddle with and be there with me. Well, a couple of months ago he signed up on dating sites and I didn't really think anything would come out of it, he had a couple of girls talk to him but nothing serious. He even met someone, but it was only once and she quit talking to him. So you wouldn't believe how should I was to learn that he started to hang out with this new girl every single day. I didn't really think anything would come of it. Then he tells me that they text all the time, and he's always staying at her dorm now. I do think he's being obsessive with her, because when I first talked to him, we didn't even meet until after a month. He's known her for about two weeks. What makes it so much worse is that she wants to be my friend. She posts pictures of them on Facebook and it hurts so much to look at them. I'm not ready to deal with this, so I've cut off all communication with him. I've turned off my phone and I'm not sure how long I'm going to ignore him, but I feel like it is what I have to do to regain my self-respect. I know that the first mistake was still having relations with him after being broken up. And I also realize that I should have dealt with my feelings then, but I've waited so long and now the pain is really intense and I am so heartbroken. I feel as though I've lost my best friend. He's pulled away from me and was not calling much to begin with after meeting her. He promised to always be my friend, since he knows I have nobody else to hang out with. Should I keep ignoring him in hopes that he will somehow try to contact me? I am supposed to meet up with both of them at the Zoo next week, but I can't see myself going. I'm sure she's nice enough, but it hurts so much to see her being happy with the man that I still care about and love. I just feel like I've wasted so much of my life trying to make him happy, I made him the number one person and cut off everybody else. He was very sweet when we first met, gradually over the years he became more and more detached and acts as though he has no feelings at all. I am trying to move on as well, I've been chatting with some guys on dating sites. Honestly, I just want my best friend back. I want him to still come over, I want him to talk to me and be able to joke around and have fun like the old days. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

 

Well, think about it this way. What if YOU found somebody before your ex did? Do you think you would have started focusing your attention on your new guy rather than chatting up your ex? I think so. Honestly, it's better this way. That way, you start to heal a lot faster and you are one step closer to moving on.

[JRock8732]

I'll try to keep this simple, since it's a complicated situation to begin with. I was in a serious relationship with my ex for 4 years, we shared our lives together, he even lived at my house for a year. All though we fought a lot, we did have some fun times and we were sexually compatible. He was my best friend, I couldn't see myself ever being with another man again. I know that he cared about me and tried his best to make me happy. The reason it didn't work out is because we had different goals and he was ready to move on and get married someday, buy a home, start a family, etc while I still feel like I have a lot of life ahead of me and it's taking me longer to figure out what I want to do. He couldn't accept that, so we broke up eventually. It was mutual and we agreed to still see each other and remain friends with benefits. This went on for almost a year (next month will be one year that we've been broken up), and I enjoyed having sex with him and being with him, it just felt nice to have someone to cuddle with and be there with me. Well, a couple of months ago he signed up on dating sites and I didn't really think anything would come out of it, he had a couple of girls talk to him but nothing serious. He even met someone, but it was only once and she quit talking to him. So you wouldn't believe how should I was to learn that he started to hang out with this new girl every single day. I didn't really think anything would come of it. Then he tells me that they text all the time, and he's always staying at her dorm now. I do think he's being obsessive with her, because when I first talked to him, we didn't even meet until after a month. He's known her for about two weeks. What makes it so much worse is that she wants to be my friend. She posts pictures of them on Facebook and it hurts so much to look at them. I'm not ready to deal with this, so I've cut off all communication with him. I've turned off my phone and I'm not sure how long I'm going to ignore him, but I feel like it is what I have to do to regain my self-respect. I know that the first mistake was still having relations with him after being broken up. And I also realize that I should have dealt with my feelings then, but I've waited so long and now the pain is really intense and I am so heartbroken. I feel as though I've lost my best friend. He's pulled away from me and was not calling much to begin with after meeting her. He promised to always be my friend, since he knows I have nobody else to hang out with. Should I keep ignoring him in hopes that he will somehow try to contact me? I am supposed to meet up with both of them at the Zoo next week, but I can't see myself going. I'm sure she's nice enough, but it hurts so much to see her being happy with the man that I still care about and love. I just feel like I've wasted so much of my life trying to make him happy, I made him the number one person and cut off everybody else. He was very sweet when we first met, gradually over the years he became more and more detached and acts as though he has no feelings at all. I am trying to move on as well, I've been chatting with some guys on dating sites. Honestly, I just want my best friend back. I want him to still come over, I want him to talk to me and be able to joke around and have fun like the old days. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

 

Don't be the 3rd wheel. You won't be happy if you go.

 

The old days aren't coming back, because he has someone new. And even if you got back with him it won't be the same

[Sugarkane]

This us why I don't "do friends" with exes it is far too painful. After a breakup I don't even want to see an ex, l completely avoid them at all costs.