rie39 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I had a discussion with a guy I am dating recently which has been bugging me lately. He said to me that if I was to tell him I was happy with another guy (I think he assumes I am dating other guys. I'm not) he'd be happy for me. I don't know if I should see this as good or bad. I mean of course it's good he'd be happy for me, but it makes me feel upset to hear that because he's the only guy I want as a partner and I don't think I'd ever tell him "oh, I'm starting to get serious with another guy". And it's weird to hear because I feel us two have such a strong connection, I don't know why he'd even think about me being with another guy. I'm also worried that it means he's not as serious with me as I am feeling for him? Maybe? I don't know,I need insight here! When a guy says this is it a really good thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I can’t really see how it’s a good thing he said that considering how you feel now. You should have talked more about it. Called him out maybe. “I don’t like that you’re saying that. I just want be with you.” That would have put yourself on the line for major rejection though. He might have just said it to make himself seem cool. In a way he is cool you like him so it’s all working out for him so far. Link to post Share on other sites
callingyouuu Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I think he might be saying it as a defense mechanism just in case you're dating other guys, so he sort of mentally prepares for the worst case scenario. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that he's considering the possibility of another guy. I know that when I've felt that way, it's been more because I'm just surprised at how on earth things could be going so well with such an awesome girl. Kind of like it's too good to be true. How you responded to him saying that could be important. The best thing to do (if you're interested) would have been to reassure him that no one else is in the picture. The response that would probably most concern him would be if you kind of did a small laugh, said a vague response, and didn't make eye contact, which he might interpret as there being someone else but you're too scared to bring it up. Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I think he might be saying it as a defense mechanism just in case you're dating other guys, so he sort of mentally prepares for the worst case scenario. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that he's considering the possibility of another guy. I know that when I've felt that way, it's been more because I'm just surprised at how on earth things could be going so well with such an awesome girl. Kind of like it's too good to be true. that's precisely it, imo. every time i have said that to an ex or someone i wanted but didn't want me as much as someone else, it WAS a defense mechanism. Link to post Share on other sites
Arasae Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Not to be contrary, but the only guy who's ever told that to me meant it. He was happy to go out, watch movies, and have sex, but he didn't want a relationship with me. He told me that in order to encourage me to date other guys. Now, granted, he changed his mind about that when I actually did start to date other guys, but.. still. While it COULD be a defense mechanism, it could also be his way of saying, "It's okay for you to move on." Link to post Share on other sites
Elysian Powder Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Maybe he ain't interested in you? Link to post Share on other sites
Ojitos Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I had a discussion with a guy I am dating recently which has been bugging me lately. He said to me that if I was to tell him I was happy with another guy (I think he assumes I am dating other guys. I'm not) he'd be happy for me. I don't know if I should see this as good or bad. I mean of course it's good he'd be happy for me, but it makes me feel upset to hear that because he's the only guy I want as a partner and I don't think I'd ever tell him "oh, I'm starting to get serious with another guy". And it's weird to hear because I feel us two have such a strong connection, I don't know why he'd even think about me being with another guy. I'm also worried that it means he's not as serious with me as I am feeling for him? Maybe? I don't know,I need insight here! When a guy says this is it a really good thing? I don't think it's bad and I said the same thing about one of my ex's. I consider her to be the love of my life-we just were not long term compatible. We are still friends and I told her I would not only be happy to see her in a relationship but if I met a guy that would be more her type than me I would introduce them. This did not happen overnight. It took me a year to really get over her. I learned a lot from her-despite what other ex's said-I was VERY romantic (just needed to have the right woman) and she learned that SHE was worth all the attention and affection I showed her. I came out of that relationship with more than what I came in. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny85 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) I think he was trying to get a reaction out of you. It is a fake indicator of disinterest, something a guy may say to come across as less pushy or needy, which shows higher value. Listen, all people have some jealousy, at least to a certain extent. In fact, some jealously is a good thing! Most of us just choose not to show it at an early stage of dating, for it is viewed as a weakness (a turn off). If he wasn't jealous, and what he said is absolutely true, it would show that he has a lack of commitment to you and your relationship. I believe in the first mentioned theory!!!! Edited October 9, 2011 by Johnny85 Link to post Share on other sites
antidote Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I had a discussion with a guy I am dating recently which has been bugging me lately. He said to me that if I was to tell him I was happy with another guy (I think he assumes I am dating other guys. I'm not) he'd be happy for me. I don't know if I should see this as good or bad. I mean of course it's good he'd be happy for me, but it makes me feel upset to hear that because he's the only guy I want as a partner and I don't think I'd ever tell him "oh, I'm starting to get serious with another guy". And it's weird to hear because I feel us two have such a strong connection, I don't know why he'd even think about me being with another guy. I'm also worried that it means he's not as serious with me as I am feeling for him? Maybe? I don't know,I need insight here! When a guy says this is it a really good thing? i can really understand where your coming from and have been in similar situations in the past. i recall girls saying to this in a confession of their love, like they would love me so much they just wanted to see me happy and at the same time i was thinking remember thinking if your happy with out me you dont really love me because at the time i wanted to say, " i could never be happy with out you".. weird how they want to make you happy and always would be happy to see you happy, but miss what actually makes you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rie39 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 To Callingyouuu, You know that makes sense to me. He has said to me a couple of times "why me?" and "why do you like ME?" as if he is actually surprised at being lucky with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rie39 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 So from all of your responses, it could be that he said this because: 1) he can't believe he is seeing a girl like me and has accepted the possibility i could be seeing other guys who would be interested in me too, and getting lucky with them too. This is possible because he has said to me numerous tomes "why me?" and "why do you like ME?" 2) he doesn't want a relationship/commitment to me and really doesn't mind if I was with another guy. 3) He does like me, but wants to try to cover this by showing fake disinterest so he doesn't offputtingly come across as clingy or too interested. I see all of these as possible :/ Thanks for your input though, especially to callingyouuu and thatone, I never thought of that idea before. I guess I'll never know though. Maybe I will bring this up with him some time and ask why he said it to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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