Thieves Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Really! People say it all the time, but if there's one thing I learned about relationships, it's that it is SO important to know who you are. I think I spoke to another LS user about it, but I'll say it again: If you don't know who you are and you don't have an identity of your own, you will try to cling to anyone that does. Including the ex. Why? Because it's a way of finding comfort in someone else so that we don't feel lonelier than we already do. It's a way of avoiding making our own choices, of making the effort to stand on our own two feet. But it's so important to have a sense of self worth and be your own person APART from your ex or your boyfriend/girlfriend. Proof of this is those who feel totally and completely lost after they break-up with their ex, like they "don't know who they are anymore." This is very dangerous. Yes, it's always nice to have someone to share things with but being codependent on an ex to complete you as a person is not a good thing to do for yourself. Know your personality, know what you like and don't like, what you'll deal with and what you won't. And STICK to it! With this comes the confidence to walk away from unhealthy relationships when you see them coming, and chances are that you'll be able to pick out the people who are better for you in the end.
EgoJoe Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I agree with this and want to add that even though I knew myself. I was still blinded to some degree when things were going downhill. We can all get caught up in the model of our SO or former SO and forget how transitory we are as people. Lessons learned the hard way are the most fun. Replace fun with your word of choice, haha.
antz2411 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Really! People say it all the time, but if there's one thing I learned about relationships, it's that it is SO important to know who you are. I think I spoke to another LS user about it, but I'll say it again: If you don't know who you are and you don't have an identity of your own, you will try to cling to anyone that does. Including the ex. Why? Because it's a way of finding comfort in someone else so that we don't feel lonelier than we already do. It's a way of avoiding making our own choices, of making the effort to stand on our own two feet. But it's so important to have a sense of self worth and be your own person APART from your ex or your boyfriend/girlfriend. Proof of this is those who feel totally and completely lost after they break-up with their ex, like they "don't know who they are anymore." This is very dangerous. Yes, it's always nice to have someone to share things with but being codependent on an ex to complete you as a person is not a good thing to do for yourself. Know your personality, know what you like and don't like, what you'll deal with and what you won't. And STICK to it! With this comes the confidence to walk away from unhealthy relationships when you see them coming, and chances are that you'll be able to pick out the people who are better for you in the end. on point! people need to focus on what they can actually control: your thoughts and actions. Sure, I'm among the first to advocate, we as responsible people, take responsibility for our actions. However, I'll also be among the first to tell you that taking personal responsibility for everything that happens in your life has a LIMITED meaning. They call personal responsibility "PERSONAL" responsibility for a reason. YOU are not always responsible for EVERY individuals erratically fluctuating level of passion for you. Believe it or not, SOMETIMES an individual loses interest in you because HE/SHE is the problem.
Dust Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 You have to do something no way around it. As a kid I used to enjoy getting lost and then finding my way again. I’d purposely try to get lost which is a silly and dangerous thing to do. I think now what I need to do is not be afraid to fail. Try the things I want to. The trick is not to trick yourself into running away from what you really wanted.
Buttercup84 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 @ Thieves , is your name from the She&Him song ? I agree. I was still a bit lost when I met my ex.I was insecure and he was insecure. While he was a jerk in many ways , I believe we attract the kind of people that feel similar to us. I mean if you are really insecure and lost you will attract people who are insecure and lost. I had no job , did not know what I wanted from life and had no social life anymore. Now I have a career , I am back at Uni and wll do more things for myself. I saw myself as his girlfriend , I became so stepford I would have been happy just to be a housewife , have kids and look after him.And if you knew me you would think I got abducted and brainwashed. I think that is why he also had no respect for me , as I had no respect for myself and became a damsel in distress.He even pointed out that I used to be confident and independent. Sorry for the rant !
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