perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Well I caught up with my ex's mom today after I saw him with that other girl. I started talking to her and he came up, and I mentioned that I still really cared about him and that he still meant a lot to me and that I am very proud of him. It just slipped out because I was got a little sad seeing him with that other girl, and she told me you are such a great person and she knows how hard it is. She then told me her husband was the exact same way when they were younger because they started dating young like my ex and I, around the same age in fact. She said she harped on him and tried so hard to stay in contact with him, but he just blew her off for other girls. She eventually stopped talking to him and a little over a year later she said he came back to her, then they got married. She told me as much as she loves her son, she knows he is exactly like his father when he was younger and that he is extremely immature and stupid. She then passed down the advice her husband's mom gave her when she was heartbroken over her break up, "let him go, if he comes back it was meant to be." Am I crazy, because I felt so much better, but a little weirded out after hearing this because she went through literally the EXACT same thing my ex and I are going through right now, and now here I am with her and she is giving me the exact same advice. Idk it's just so weird, in a cool way though...
Dark Phoenix Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 "If you love something then let it go. If it comes back then you truly have something special. If not, it was never yours to begin with." I completely agree with what she has to say. I understand your possible confusion with what she is saying given she is the other woman in the picture; however, she is coming from a place of experience and the advice she gives you doesn't seem to misdirect you from your ex. Basically what she is saying is do your best to move on from this situation and let him come back if he wants to. If he doesn't come back, then you are already on your way to moving on. If he does come back, you get to make the decision as to whether you accept him back or not. Be grateful that this new woman in his life is being this sincere to you. I'm sure many of the other LSer's would love to have a person like this in their lives, even if they are the other person in their lover's eyes.
LelouchIsZero Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Be grateful that this new woman in his life is being this sincere to you. I'm sure many of the other LSer's would love to have a person like this in their lives, even if they are the other person in their lover's eyes. Wasn't it her ex's mother that was being sincere ? not the other girl.
Dark Phoenix Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Wasn't it her ex's mother that was being sincere ? not the other girl. Oh... My mistake sorry. Same concept applies though. After my breakup my ex's father didn't seem to mind being a part of my life, but my ex's step mother didn't want me around AT ALL. If I had gotten any advice from either parent I would have been grateful, and so would many others on the forum, but I was cast aside because of the "evil step mother".
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Yea both of his parents love me a lot still. I am on great terms with his whole family, actually his mother introduced me to his grandparents like three weeks ago even though we weren't dating. It made me feel a lot better about things, a little hopeful, but enough to know that letting go is the best option if that makes any sense. It is just so weird how his parents were the exact same way him and I are right now. Like her husband's mom gave her this advice, now she is passing it on to me. Idk it is just so frighteningly weird, yet cool at the same time. Major deja vu for her I bet
antz2411 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 selfless love is the best you can ever give a person but is also the hardest when things fall apart. it's really unfortunate when people can't recognize this.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 You are so right. I love this guy unconditionally, despite all the downfalls we have had in the past. As much as people have told me to stand up to him, I simply can't do it because I care about him that much. I love him enough to let him go and let him have what he wants and not fight with him. Its very hard to not fight it, but I know it is the right thing to do. I do believe that one day, as time passes, he will grow to appreciate the selfless love I have given him and how I have sacrificed what I want just to make him happy.
antz2411 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 You are so right. I love this guy unconditionally, despite all the downfalls we have had in the past. As much as people have told me to stand up to him, I simply can't do it because I care about him that much. I love him enough to let him go and let him have what he wants and not fight with him. Its very hard to not fight it, but I know it is the right thing to do. I do believe that one day, as time passes, he will grow to appreciate the selfless love I have given him and how I have sacrificed what I want just to make him happy. alrite! enough.. you're making me sad haha
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 alrite! enough.. you're making me sad haha I am sorry! haha. It is just how I honestly feel towards him. I wish he would realize this like you have and appreciate it haha. I guess that is where the time has to kick in...I do get worried that he will forget about me and love another girl, but I have to remember if I ever want something better with him, I have to let him go and do his own thing ya know?
wilsonx Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 You are so right. I love this guy unconditionally, despite all the downfalls we have had in the past. As much as people have told me to stand up to him, I simply can't do it because I care about him that much. I love him enough to let him go and let him have what he wants and not fight with him. Its very hard to not fight it, but I know it is the right thing to do. I do believe that one day, as time passes, he will grow to appreciate the selfless love I have given him and how I have sacrificed what I want just to make him happy. Do you see whats wrong with this statement? I want you to point it out as a learning experience from this relationship
EgoJoe Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Wilson! It's ok to have selfless love. Is hers mixed with a little denial and hope? Yeah. But, thats ok for now. She's in NC and her perspective will evolve. There is nothing inherently wrong with that statement. She's letting him go and thats great. She'll need good boundaries to not be a doormat. Her outlook isn't super bleak and jaded so please don't send her there.
antz2411 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I am sorry! haha. It is just how I honestly feel towards him. I wish he would realize this like you have and appreciate it haha. I guess that is where the time has to kick in...I do get worried that he will forget about me and love another girl, but I have to remember if I ever want something better with him, I have to let him go and do his own thing ya know? hey i feel yah! that's what happend with me and my chick, i got dumped so i let her go and eventually in time she came back and our relationship is a better one and more importantly it's a lot different than before. we both learned from our mistakes and actually set healthy boundaries. "I love him enough to let him go and let him have what he wants and not fight with him. Its very hard to not fight it, but I know it is the right thing to do." --- i did the same thing too, i just looked at the whole relationship figured out what things i could have done better and moved on. being bitter or trying to fight someone does nothing but sets you back as a person. anyway i hope things start falling into place for you sooner rather than later. you deserve it! people who know how to love unselfishly always do!
antz2411 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Wilson! It's ok to have selfless love. Is hers mixed with a little denial and hope? Yeah. But, thats ok for now. She's in NC and her perspective will evolve. there is really a fine line with faith/believing and hope. maybe shes not in denial, maybe she really does have faith in the outcome. sounds like to me she does. Hope is wishing for an outcome. Faith is believing in an outcome.
vsmini Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I know I'm going to look like a jerk for bringing this up but.... ...it's not really No Contact when you still talk to the mother and are meeting his grandparents after the break-up. I would stay away from the family - I'm sure they are nice and all but keeping in contact with the family is a bad idea for now.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 I hardly see his family actually, that was the first time in a few weeks that I talked to her. I don't call her up or anything. I have learned a lot from this relationship, on how to fix my flaws and that I really need to love myself before I can execpt anyone else to love me. I am using this time to focus on myself and maturing ya know? As antz2411 said, I do have more faith that this will make things better in the future. As much as I never wanted it to come to this, I know that this time apart is what him and I need. How much time apart I cannot know for sure, but it will all work itself out in time. I am moving on with my life and meeting new people in the mean time, which is what I needed all along in order to properly heal. I just have a strong feeling that our paths will be brought together again in the future. Even his mother sees that. Antz2411 I am glad things worked out for you in the end with her Thank you for sharing your story with me, it just reinforces me that I am doing the right thing and that things really do work themselves out in time. I was bitter for the longest time and did try to reason with him, but that always lead me back to square one. I feel so much better, better than I have ever felt about all this. It just feels good to let go and work on being a better person.
antz2411 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I was bitter for the longest time and did try to reason with him, but that always lead me back to square one. I feel so much better, better than I have ever felt about all this. It just feels good to let go and work on being a better person. it really does feel good to let go. theres also no point holding a grudge over love. it's really good to see people who have that perspective, that love doesn't react well to negativity. a postive x a negative will always equal a negative you know! haha
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 I agree! If you put negative energy into the universe, you get negative engery back. Plus holding a grudge just eats at you and makes you feel worse all the time.
antz2411 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Plus holding a grudge just eats at you and makes you feel worse all the time. it stunts your growth to be a better person! the better person you are the more you enjoy life!
EgoJoe Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 there is really a fine line with faith/believing and hope. maybe shes not in denial, maybe she really does have faith in the outcome. sounds like to me she does. Hope is wishing for an outcome. Faith is believing in an outcome. Sometimes denial is as simple as avoiding the calculation of outliers. Also, I follow Wilson around and pounce on him for negativity. Let her hope. The Ex's Mother seems to want her to and likes her best. I do want to remind the OP that Correlation does not equal Causation!
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 I wouldn't say I am hoping necessarily. I know correlation does not equal causation, but I just have this feeling that him and I are going to cross paths again one day. Idk why, just something tells me that it will happen. When I do not know, but in the mean time, I should let him go and focus on myself. I am trying to be optimistic about it ya know? If being optimistic means I am "in denial", then so be it I guess. I would much rather have an optimistic stand point than have a cynical one because I have learned that negativity just brings about more negativity. This has given me enough faith, hope, or whatever you want to call it, to where I can let go and still be positive if that makes any sense.
antz2411 Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 I wouldn't say I am hoping necessarily. I know correlation does not equal causation, but I just have this feeling that him and I are going to cross paths again one day. Idk why, just something tells me that it will happen. When I do not know, but in the mean time, I should let him go and focus on myself. I am trying to be optimistic about it ya know? If being optimistic means I am "in denial", then so be it I guess. I would much rather have an optimistic stand point than have a cynical one because I have learned that negativity just brings about more negativity. This has given me enough faith, hope, or whatever you want to call it, to where I can let go and still be positive if that makes any sense. keep doing what you're doing... never listen to other people’s negative comments or pessimism because they will steal your dreams.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 Thank you for your support I knew I would get some negative comments, but I do appreciate the feedback nontheless. I will continue with what I am doing, it is helping me become the more postive, confident, less insecure person I want to be at the end of all this anyway
EgoJoe Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Hey hey now! I'm not saying hope is a bad thing. I was trying to allude to the fact that blind hope can set you up for more pain than you need deal with. Trust your gut but calculate the factors. With people and the world there are outliers and to forget about them is to be in denial. Plus, the breakup is fresh. I don't know if you're embracing a defense mechanism to spare you more pain. Let the current facts speak for themselves. He's with another girl and they could get married next month in Vegas for all you know. I'm not trying to rain on your hope parade at all. I really don't want you to delay your healing based off of a gut feeling that could be self deception. I don't know because I don't know you and yet I'm fully aware of these processes. I hope everything works out for the best. Keep your head up.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 12, 2011 Author Posted October 12, 2011 Well we broke up in December, and we were each other's first love and everything. He actually did compare us to his parents at one point in time. Him and I have gone through an emotional roller coater with one another ever since. I am talking hating each other at one point, rebound relationships, then just a few weeks of silence, etc. We have never been in full NC since we have broken up. He had texted me over the summer and we met up. He told me he missed me and wanted to see me more. However, he is still in high school, and I just graduated, so it was very hard for us to make our schedules meet once school started. We did try to schedule things, but it rarely panned out. With that, he ended up meeting another girl, which I guess I figured would happen. He came back once, but I don't think the timing was right ya know? He is still immature, as am I. We both still have a lot of growing up to do. Idk maybe I missed my chance, who knows. I just know right now that letting go is the best thing I can do, we both need a lot of time away from each other because we have had lots of ups and downs since the break up. I want to start fresh with him if anything and as much as it hurts, letting go is the best step forward I can take in doing so.
EgoJoe Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Well we broke up in December, and we were each other's first love and everything. He actually did compare us to his parents at one point in time. Him and I have gone through an emotional roller coater with one another ever since. I am talking hating each other at one point, rebound relationships, then just a few weeks of silence, etc. We have never been in full NC since we have broken up. He had texted me over the summer and we met up. He told me he missed me and wanted to see me more. However, he is still in high school, and I just graduated, so it was very hard for us to make our schedules meet once school started. We did try to schedule things, but it rarely panned out. With that, he ended up meeting another girl, which I guess I figured would happen. He came back once, but I don't think the timing was right ya know? He is still immature, as am I. We both still have a lot of growing up to do. Idk maybe I missed my chance, who knows. I just know right now that letting go is the best thing I can do, we both need a lot of time away from each other because we have had lots of ups and downs since the break up. I want to start fresh with him if anything and as much as it hurts, letting go is the best step forward I can take in doing so. Awesome. Wait until you have several months of perspective!
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