1Dunno Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I'm 6 months out of the breakup and had been doing ok. I have been intentionally avoiding her at work, and was starting to feel better with myself. On Friday I moved out of my house (which was next door to hers), and she chucked a sad at me for not letting her know; she uses my Internet (pays about a quarter) and I disconnected it with no notice. So she was pissy with me for that, presumably only because it's an inconvenience to her having to get her own net. I caved and sent her an appology email to try and smooth things over. She responds and calls me out on avoiding her and not making eye contact or talking to her at work, but overall accepting the apology. Then I attended a work function last night. I knew she was going to be there but had just intended to avoid her. I know it was a silly move but I don't think it's fair that her attendance should stop me from going. She walks up to me and has a conversation with me, just like a normal person. Just polite. Later on in the night she starts flirting with another co-worker hard. I put on my brave face and leave politely. Then, for some strange reason, I decide that it's a good idea at 3am to send her a text, explaining why I've been avoiding her. Let her basically know that I sill have feelings for her and that she hurt me by flirting with the guy. Went on to say that I don't think it's fair that she expects me to be her friend when she treats me like that, and that I know I'm worth more than that. I could feel Bad about it. I managed to stay strong for 6 months and not explicitly reveal my feelings to her, although she may have known. Sure I blew it, I put my heart on the table. But I know it won't change anything. I know she won't respond, and if she does it will be out of pity. In fact, I hope she doesn't respond, it will reveal her true colours that she has no feelings for me, which I already know. I guess it's just a bit of closure and am looking to start a new chapter of my life.
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 You did the right thing ! When someone hurts a person they need to be told what they did wrong. There you let it go. If they are normal and have a decent conscious they will apologize for the wrong they caused ! So lets see her true colors come out ! Game over ! If she is a snippy, self centered, flirt, than step up to something better. There are better choices out there for you. She was to convenient for you. She lived next door, and worked at the same place as you. It's a big world so find something else. You sound like a gentleman that could appreciate a woman with a lot more than she has. I wish you the best in your new direction in life, unless she becomes a better person !! Queen of Hearts 10
Thieves Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I could feel Bad about it. I managed to stay strong for 6 months and not explicitly reveal my feelings to her, although she may have known. Sure I blew it, I put my heart on the table. But I know it won't change anything. I know she won't respond, and if she does it will be out of pity. In fact, I hope she doesn't respond, it will reveal her true colours that she has no feelings for me, which I already know. I guess it's just a bit of closure and am looking to start a new chapter of my life. 1Dunno, you have no idea, but you just did the best thing you could possibly do in heartbreak, and that is put all your cards on the table. Want to know why? Because now she can't say she doesn't know why you acted the way you did, and how you feel. You basically cleared yourself and her of any confusion, and you are very brave for putting your heart out there to her like that. Trust me! There are many people out there who wish they had the guts to do that, to make themselves so honest and vulnerable, but they're afraid that they'll regret it or that the ex will think they're pathetic. But I promise you, further down the road, you will be so glad you did this. You'll be so glad you put everything on the table, because now you have a better chance of healing. Sort of like a clean break. Many go No Contact before saying their last piece to the ex, so the whole time it's bugging them and they wish they said something... which often makes them break NC. I also know all of this for sure because I did it myself. Before I went completely No Contact, I wrote 'him' an email telling him everything I felt in the past, how he hurt me, and how I felt (when I still liked him). I put my heart and my cards out on the table 100%. I didn't expect him to do anything about it or to even respond. But the fact that he read it was enough. And you know what? I'm happy I did that. It might not feel like it now, and you might feel vulnerable. You might even regret it a little. But with time and NC, you'll see. Even if it doesn't change anything with her, it has with you. You're cleared because it's all out there now, and you can really start to move on.
Author 1Dunno Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Wow, thanks for two incredible responses Queen and Theives! I was nervous about sending the message. But this is the first message since we've broken up that I haven't regretted saying what I said. It's nearly like it was a big game, and that I needed to avoid showing her my emotions at all costs. But I guess the reality is that it was a game that she quit playing the day she broke up with me. Now I've put my cards on the table I'm basically saying that I don't want to play this non-existent game anymore. It's really over and I need to find someone else who appreciates me. It has to be for the best in the long run. At least now she will hopefully step back and give me the space I need. The situation has been incredibly hard having to see her on a regular basis. Again, thankyou both for the responses.
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