ken_25 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 what's better? or at least what was better for YOU? I moved back to where my ex and I use to live after she dumped me (12 weeks out). we spent nearly a year and a half over here before moving 45 minutes away. I've been hit with lots of triggers since then. this weekend, I decided to go and eat at the restaurant we visited the most often. I wanted to avoid that place since moving back, but for some reason I drove to it, and ate there alone. it didn't bother me, even though I looked at different tables we sat at and imagined us together from the past. but it didn't hurt. then today after I went to the library I felt this feeling down deep, like I need to shed some tears or somethin. after about 10 minutes of sitting in the parking lot I cried a little. remembered a lot of the good times, seeing her happy and running towards me and giving me a hug. little things. then I drove by the movie theater we would always go to, and we watched a ton of movies, so we were there a lot. I could already feel a heart string getting pulled but drove in anyway, damn near choked up just parking. started to feel like I was gonna shed a tear but didn't, my friend texted me and distracted my focus. after being there for about 15 minutes it didn't hurt so much, or at least I didn't feel sad. I actually became calm, and felt clarity. I don't know, I just feel like part of me wants to avoid things so I won't be reminded of us. At the same time I have this thought of if I go here and deal with it, even if it hurts, I cry, I get down, whatever, it will strengthen me in the end. Maybe it's all pointless... maybe I'm trying to hurt myself or maybe something else is going on, I'm not totally sure. But the thought of purposely avoiding places, kind of makes me feel pathetic in a way. Like somehow i should confront and conquer instead of tip toeing around places and the feelings and/or memories they bring. I don't want to be going on a date with a girl in six months and be forced to avoid a certain theater or restaurant because I'm nervous about getting thoughts/feelings flooded within myself about the ex. If I've been there done that, I might not at all be bothered and can just enjoy my date. what do you guys think?
mike588 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Maybe I should try that. I'm still avoiding places we went,,, just not ready for it yet,,, to many memories.
M2155 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 You know, I don't have that problem so much, it's more little things that remind me of him like when his favorite team is mentioned on Sportscenter or something I know he would have thought was funny, it's pretty unavoidable. But it's getting better. The worst for me was passing a car like the one he drove, I'd always get this pang in my heart but it's going away! It's a great feeling. I don't think it will bother you so much when you're with your date;) Like you said, it's about having a mental distraction.
Author ken_25 Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 m2, yeah I get those as well and there isn't much you can do. I'm glad it's getting better for you. I'm still riding the roller coaster but when it's low it isn't as bad and when i'm on the incline I'm feeling pretty damn good. I really would like to be able to fast forward to say... march? that sound good? ok great. Mike, let me know if you did and after you soaked it all in, if you feel it helped.
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