Do I really have to move on or is there a chance it'll work out???

[Sweety90]

So Here's my story... Was going out with my ex for 5 yrs(since i was 14). Last yr i started ttalking to this other guy, i knew he was trouble cuz he liked me but i didnt like him and i really only looked to him as a friend. Well i didnttell my bf abt it. but he eventually found out. Now my mistake was that instead of admitting to it i lied and then i just kept saying lie on top of lie..and at one point it was just ridiculous..eventually i came clean but it was too late by then because i had majorly broken his trust...It was also too late because while i was busy lying ppl were telling him how i met up with this guy and we kissed and what not. First of all i never met up with him and second i would never cheat on my bf not because its the wrong thing to do but because i rlly loved him. Anyways someone forwarded an email to him that apparently i wrote to this other guy and i was basically telling this other guy that i loved him...So after that we patched things up..this happened exaactly a yr ago..and till this june everything was fine...In june i started noticing that he ws a little distant. I knew he didnt have another girl in his life becuz he's the rare rlly nice hearted guys u find. So i told him that maybe we shud take a break, it wud help him clear his mind and if anything im always here for him. What i didnt know was that he wasnt distant because of me. In february he lost his grnadfather which rlly affected him. Then he found out that he failled more than 3 classes which means he was no longer elligable to be a full time student in college. So i guess everything around him was just crashing down. And i had no clue becuz for some reason he wudnt tell me this. So we went on the break and thats were things just got worse. I thought it wud make him realise how much this relationship is worth. But it did the oppposite..It made him rlly upset abt everything i did to him. And well he broke up with me. We ended on rlly good terms. Like the day we broke up we sat and talked. Cried together.This was 3 months ago. And i've been holding my head above water for so long hoping that one day he'll want to return. but 2 days ago i spoke to him and he basically said he was done with all this and we can never be more than friends...

 

This tore my heart apart because i've been holding on to the hope that we will be back together. even though he has said that i dont know why i still feel like we have a chance. Like i used to ccall his paretns mom and dad...we cant just end everything like that right???

 

What do i do...give him mmore time to cool off and reconcider everything or jjust stay by his side as his freind and move on with my life...i mean i thought abt moving from this city to get away from him but i cant run away from my problems...going to have to face them .... But i jsut dont know if i shud hold on and wait for him....He loves me and i know that because he told me and plus he doesnt want to meet up with me becuz he scared to let all those ffeelings come back.

[TheDovic]

I personally think he feels as though you abandoned him when he needed you most, so is really angry about that. There were trust issues in the relationship before that and this has only added to them. How can he possibly rely on someone who talks to other guys (and lies about it) AND calls a break when the going gets tough?

 

I know your intentions were good but in reality it doesn't look that way. However I do think he's just hurting at the minute, so what you need to do is SHOW him you care and can be trusted as opposed to telling him.

 

I think you two will be fine, it's just gonna take a while and a bit of work. Good luck

[Sweety90]

I really want to make this work but i dunno how to show him i care...i mean i talk to him and ask how he's doing...i havent done anything wrong, like im not the type to hook up with another guy but i just dont know how to tell him that i care that he can rely on me. Obviously no matter what happens i will always be there for him...but the only way he'll see that is if sum bad happens and he needs to depend on someone but god forbid something like that happens...I dont know if what i said makes any sense..

 

Basically i need to find a way to tell him how much he means to me and show him how much i care without making him feel like im trying to "win" him back. Cuz thats not what he wants. He doesnt want a relationship so im going to wait till he is ready...Does that show enough?

 

Any ideas on how i cud show him i care without coming off as very needy??

[wilsonx]

I am going to be honest with you. The likely hood of him trusting you beyond a friendship thing is going to be very slim to not at all.

 

One of the things you describe him being is a nice guy. Us nice guys want honesty because that's what we give but if you lie about something as petty as this, just a friend, not only are you lying to him, but you are lying to yourself too. That's why I dont completely buy your story. It just doesn't sound right.

 

Nice guys have a very difficult time processing lies to those we care about. If we know something is a lie but we try to avoid it so that the relationship can continue. He pretty much told you that the relationship is over. There is no recourse. He doesn't buy your story and nor do I.

 

You are trying to hard. If you weren't guilty of something, you would let go and move on but you are trying to "Make UP" for it. Do you know what happens to a nice guy in an Emotionally draining relationship where we suspect lying and cheating? We get depressed and we lose our drive in life. We do stupid **** like fail classes, stop going after goals, etc

 

If you want me to nit pick everything to point out your red flags and how I do not believe you at all and show others here I will. All you need to do is own up and be honest to yourself of what you really did and then dont make that mistake again and move on

Edited October 9, 2011 by wilsonx

[Sweety90]

But i am guilty of something...im guilty for lying to him...the reason why i did lie to him was because this other guy has liked me in forever and before i started going out with my bf we were rlly good friends..and one day he emailed me asking how everyhting was and he was going through sum tough times so i emailed him back telling him wat i thought of wtv and we became good freinds...now when my bf and i started going out he basically forbade me to talk to this guy...so when he asked me all this i was like wtf....and i honestly did not meet up with this guy so kissing him is out of the question... Before all this me and my bf went through a lot...i was pregnant with his kid...so the thought of cheated on someone you have been through with all of that is not possible... And yes why am i holding on??? because i love him and i want to spend my life with him..but if i cant then his friend is all i'll be...your right tho i am guilty...im guilty for hurting the man i loved...im guilty for lying to him...but im not guilty for cheating on him because i didnt...But its fine...you have ur oponions and i still ddo thank u for ur honestly on my chances of being with him

 

 

But hey if its meant to be then maybe one day couple of yrs down the road it will be and if not then friends atleast...