Marianis Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 so NC since like 4 months haha just that call from me when i got drunk like 2 or 3 weeks ago .. but i keep thinking about him.. keep thinking he might come back.. anyway i have a really good friend here .. he is in my class and he has been helping me with all this .. we actually kissed once in a party like 2 years ago .. thats why my ex broke up with me .. he couldnt forget/forgive i kissed someone else in a LDR.... well now that guy wants to be with me .. and for a month ive been trying to feel things for him .. to forget about my ex and move on .. but i cant .. last monday i told him i wanna be just friends because i cant feel anything right now! .. he said he understood.. but yesterday night i got in my bedroom after school and i found a new bag for the gym (he knew i wanted one) with a chain and a little heart from swarovski inside the bag.. and a letter that said.. that i was a really special person for him and that he just wanted me to be happy... i dotn know why i just had the need to cry .. i didnt think i deserve something like that and i dont know what to do .. why cant i see the good things that have been happening in my life?! .. i mean i have a good job.. im about to graduate to become and enginner. ... i have a great family and great friends.. and i just cant be happy! ... why do i cry every night praying for him to come back?! .. why can i just move on like he did!! why cant i see this guy as something else .. he is a great a guy and cares about me.. calls me.. and helps me in every way he can.. when will i be ok?! ... my mom told me i can not wait forever for someone that might be just a fantasy.. but i think that i was special for him and he will eventually come back! :S and now what do i do with my friend?! .. should i give him the chain back?!?!
TheDovic Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 You can't feel anything because you're grieving! Don't rush anything, it's ok to be feeling **** at the minute. If you were to date this guy now it would only be a rebound. Accept his gift though, giving it back will prob make him feel worse. If you're attracted to him but don't think you can date him yet then tell him the truth. If you never see yourself being attracted to him then tell him that instead! My main point is, don't put too much pressure on yourself. You're hurting at the minute, but one day it'll all be just a bad memory
Author Marianis Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 thanks theDoviC! .. you always help me.. but now im thinking really seriosly on going to canada to see him in december! .. i mean he had his closer i need mine... i need him to tell me that nothing will ever happen again with us! .. if i dont do that i think i will always have this little hope ... and wont be able to move on a 100% i cheked his fb and i saw he changed his profile pic (the only thing i can see) to just a pic of a monster ... and mm i cheked the fb of his gf.. or ex gf who knows she doesnt have any pic of him ... would that be good for me!? .. i know im crazy! but i can not help it!! .. :S what do you think?! ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
TheDovic Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 It's a tough one Marianis. How long has he been with this new girl? / How soon after breaking up with you did he start seeing her?
Author Marianis Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) now i feel stupid and mad at myself.. why the hell am i letting someone that doesnt even exist in my world anymore have an effect on me?! .. damm it! .. ya maybe that person was the most important thing in my life once and like i was in his life.. but now its over!! .. he doesnt even contact me at all.. and i wanna think he gives a ****!? .. hahaha I went to Canada for a month in JANUARY he broke up with me in FEBRUARY! .. and was giving me hope while dating someone else.. he didn’t even tell me he was dating someone in MARCH… until a friend of him told me!! . hahahaha.. im such an idiot! .. and then he came to mexico in MAY! .. told me he wanted to be with me … and 3 days after changes his mind!! Hahaha.. after he got what he wanted.. to increase his ego and know I was super heart broken! .. hahaha.. kept contact until the end of JUNE .. and knew for a friend he was dating someone in the beginning of JULY hahahaha (i guess the same blond girl he dated in march.. and that he always wanted to date in highschool).. and i keep waiting?! .. what the hell!!! .. why am I so stupid!?!?!??!?!?!?!? ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW! .. finally im having my aha moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Edited October 9, 2011 by Marianis
TheDovic Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 You're nowhere even close to being stupid Marianis. We ALL get sucked in like this! If my ex called today and told me she wanted back and then changed her mind a few days later I'd be freaking out too. He's really messed you about and it's not fair! I'm so glad you're having an aha moment btw, must feel empowering. Don't be too hard on yourself if you go back to missing him again though as it's totally normal! I take it your NOT gonna go to Canada then?
Author Marianis Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 You're nowhere even close to being stupid Marianis. We ALL get sucked in like this! If my ex called today and told me she wanted back and then changed her mind a few days later I'd be freaking out too. He's really messed you about and it's not fair! I'm so glad you're having an aha moment btw, must feel empowering. Don't be too hard on yourself if you go back to missing him again though as it's totally normal! I take it your NOT gonna go to Canada then? well it feels good but at the same time its really hard... i wanna stop thinking he has a power on me... not anymore i say to myself... i do want to move on ... i will see how it goes in this months.. ill do my hardest not to think about him and i will stop looking at his facebook and i deleted him again from my msn haha and all ... if it doesnt work and i still feel stuck waiting.. then ill go ... but i guess i have made some pogress.. and how are you?! thanks for everything by the way! it means a lot ...if you need someone to talk .. here is my msn: [email protected] thnks
Desensitized Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 anyway i have a really good friend here .. he is in my class and he has been helping me with all this .. we actually kissed once in a party like 2 years ago .. thats why my ex broke up with me .. he couldnt forget/forgive i kissed someone else in a LDR.... haha. seriously? any guy with a brain won't get back with someone who cheated on them. he's not going to come back, sorry to break it to you. why cant i see the good things that have been happening in my life?! because you feel guilty. and i just cant be happy! you can't be happy because you're not happy with yourself and how you act. Just take a look at the way you act, the way you act is not how a mentally healthy person would act. You want to feel something for your friend that isn't there for the sake of having a relationship. why can i just move on like he did!! because he didn't cheat; therefore, doesn't have anything to feel guilty about. why cant i see this guy as something else .. he is a great a guy and cares about me.. calls me.. and helps me in every way he can.. because you don't like him, you like what he does for you. and now what do i do with my friend?! .. should i give him the chain back?!?! if you have no intention on being with him, yes.
Author Marianis Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Wow! .. that’s thought!! .. … .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. you know I am not perfect and yes I did feel guilty .. but at the same time he said he forgave me and I did my best to make him see I wasn’t going to do that again.. he made me think for a year that he wanted me still .. what is that?! About being happy with myself I’m changing how I see things.. and I’ve been trying to be better and feel better.. hahaha and I AM a mentally healthy person …. It’s just that this year has been like hell for me and Im paying for what I did… and it’s really hard… but he did things to and it wasn’t just me..
Desensitized Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 As cliche as this sounds, no one is perfect. I'm sure you weren't the only one that did bad things in the relationship, but it does seem like you were the first one to push the first domino, by cheating; therefore, causing a domino effect. Maybe he did want you, but he just couldn't forgive you - can you blame him? Sorry, I have no empathy for cheaters, but I'm sure you're not a bad person, whatever "bad" is.
redblack66 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Whatever you do, do not date anybody before you are over this guy. Otherwise, you are in a rebound, and will hurt somebody that does not deserve.
Author Marianis Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 As cliche as this sounds, no one is perfect. I'm sure you weren't the only one that did bad things in the relationship, but it does seem like you were the first one to push the first domino, by cheating; therefore, causing a domino effect. Maybe he did want you, but he just couldn't forgive you - can you blame him? Sorry, I have no empathy for cheaters, but I'm sure you're not a bad person, whatever "bad" is. Ya i think im not a bad person and i regret i did what i did.. at least i know i wont do it again it hurt us both .. i just wish he could have forgave me because i think we had something real eventho we were in a LDR... i talked to my friend yesterday ... i dont want to hurt him either .. he said he knew what i was going trough and that he just wanted to be my friend cause he cares about me.. anyway... like i said .. ill try to move on .. and dont repeat my mistakes. thnks..
TheDovic Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 well it feels good but at the same time its really hard... i wanna stop thinking he has a power on me... not anymore i say to myself... i do want to move on ... i will see how it goes in this months.. ill do my hardest not to think about him and i will stop looking at his facebook and i deleted him again from my msn haha and all ... if it doesnt work and i still feel stuck waiting.. then ill go ... but i guess i have made some pogress.. and how are you?! thanks for everything by the way! it means a lot ...if you need someone to talk .. here is my msn: [email protected] thnks I'll add you on msn now! I'm doing a lot better thanks. It's really tough for both of us at the minute Marianis, but we'll get through this and find someone special. Imagine they could be sitting somewhere tonight waiting for us!!!
eleanorhurting Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 i know what its like to get over the guilt of cheating. my mom and close friends tell me someday i will be a better stronger person and i will have a second chance at being happy and making it right. im still waiting but i know it will happen.
M2155 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) Did you know you say "hahaha" a lot? You need to block him on FB so you can't see his profile pic and don't go unblocking him later either! You need to stop "praying for him to come back" and pray for God to heal your heart and prepare you for what he has in store. Not to get preachy here, but if you really believe, then prayer has power and you have to belive in God's plan. That maybe you aren't meant to be with this person right now and he has someone better in mind for your future (and maybe not so far!). Like the others said, definitely don't lead your guy friend on. It doesn't sound like you are, it sounds like he's trying to win you over which we know he can't do right now. Tell him again you need to just stay friends right now because you don't want to end up hurting him. I'm kinda going through this right now although I'm further in healing than you, I still know if Mr. Ex for some unforeseen reason made a reappearance, it would mess with my head a little. Tell him you would be happy to keep the chain but if it was given with different intentions, you don't want to take advantage of him. Take your time to heal. Edited October 9, 2011 by M2155
EgoJoe Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 so NC since like 4 months haha just that call from me when i got drunk like 2 or 3 weeks ago .. but i keep thinking about him.. keep thinking he might come back.. anyway i have a really good friend here .. he is in my class and he has been helping me with all this .. we actually kissed once in a party like 2 years ago .. thats why my ex broke up with me .. he couldnt forget/forgive i kissed someone else in a LDR.... well now that guy wants to be with me .. and for a month ive been trying to feel things for him .. to forget about my ex and move on .. but i cant .. last monday i told him i wanna be just friends because i cant feel anything right now! .. he said he understood.. but yesterday night i got in my bedroom after school and i found a new bag for the gym (he knew i wanted one) with a chain and a little heart from swarovski inside the bag.. and a letter that said.. that i was a really special person for him and that he just wanted me to be happy... i dotn know why i just had the need to cry .. i didnt think i deserve something like that and i dont know what to do .. why cant i see the good things that have been happening in my life?! .. i mean i have a good job.. im about to graduate to become and enginner. ... i have a great family and great friends.. and i just cant be happy! ... why do i cry every night praying for him to come back?! .. why can i just move on like he did!! why cant i see this guy as something else .. he is a great a guy and cares about me.. calls me.. and helps me in every way he can.. when will i be ok?! ... my mom told me i can not wait forever for someone that might be just a fantasy.. but i think that i was special for him and he will eventually come back! :S and now what do i do with my friend?! .. should i give him the chain back?!?! Mail his stuff back. You can and you will move on.
Author Marianis Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Firstable .. thanks for everyone’s advise .. ill try not to say hahaha that much anymore! im not an English speaker .. I guess in Spanish we write it more I think.. you write more like LOL.. or something like that no?! So ya its hard to get over the guilt of cheating and its worse when he came here and made me pay for it .. buuu… I really do hope I can find someone great in the future… and that I can feel as much or more than I felt with my ex.. he is an awesome guy to and I do want him to be happy that’s why I also keep NC I think… And about the other guy … I think I will just be a friend to him… I asked him yesterday about the reason of the present and he told me there was no reason.. that he just wanted to do something nice for me because even if I thought I didn’t deserve it .. he said I did… that he was happy to see me smile… and that I shouldn’t think I have to be compromise in anyway. I like him as a friend and I like hanging out with him but as something else.. I can´t either trust or believe in love that much right now.. buuuu TheDovic : please tell that person that is sitting somewhere waiting for us to stand up soon and start looking for us instead of waiting … hahaha! () We can do it guys!! Someday we will look at this time as something that made us grow to be better and it wont be such a bad thing .. I guess .. PS: Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get
Author Marianis Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 hey i just realized my msn is wrong!! hahaha!!!! (i wrote it wrong!) so it is: [email protected] sorry!
Author Marianis Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 actually i remember like 4 years ago my first real bf ever broke up with me after 3 years of being together.. a week after i saw him with someone else at the mall.... the thing is that.. before i was like totally heart broken and he was my first ex! hahaha .. we never talked again until like a year ago... and now we hang out and laugh about that! .. its funny cause i did bad things and he did bad things but now we just laugh about it .. we have a good friend relation ship and we go out time to time .. its awesome how we can remember the good things we live together and laugh about the bad things! hope someday that happen to me to with my new ex.. :S
eleanorhurting Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 hola marianis yo hablo espanol tambien! I do the same with my high school exes (im 24 now). I look forward to the day i will laugh at me and my current ex too.
TheDovic Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Ha, if I see the person you're meant to be with I'll give him your msn address . I'll add you now lol
TheDovic Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Hey Marianis. I sent you a request on msn. It's my real name and then hotmail.co.uk, just in case you didn't know who it was requesting you. Please call me Dovic on this site still as I wouldn't want people knowing my real name in case someone knows me lol
Author Marianis Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 Dovic! .. guess what!! .. someone hacked my msn accound .. not cool guys!!! hahahaha... but it wasnt the real one .. so please delete that email from your msn! ahhhhhhhhhh ill be sending you a new email soon! sorry
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