ScienceGal Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 ... when you like a woman? I am a little confused as to what I should think or do. I've been on several dates with this one guy. I wasn't sure if I was into him or not, but I also hate dating, and am still trying to move on from the ex. So, I went into it slowly, with no expectations. I am being 100% myself, no second guessing it either. But, I have never had a guy drag things out like this. He and I have hung out 4 times over the course of 6 weeks. Granted we are both very busy people and live 40 minutes away from each other. I've expected to be told by him that he is either into me or not. But, time just keeps passing. The last time we went 2 hours out of town to an event and we both had a great time. We had our first kiss. He told me that he had a great time and I replied that so did I. But, that was two weeks ago! He'll message throughout the week to check in, but he doesn't call. (He's called a couple times coordinate our second date). He asked to see me this weekend, and I accepted. He also wants me to go to an event with him next month. We are both late 20s and discussed about how our families wonder when we'll settle down. I know that he is not in a rush, as he told me that much. I told him the same thing. We talked about how important it is to find the right person and not just settle. The last thing I will say is that he has never complimented me or said that he likes me. Not that I need to be showered with comments. But, I thought a "you look nice tonight" or "I like you" would be nice. Or, anything remotely flirty! There is just no clarity though. He seems into me, but it's like watching molasses pour. I just don't know. I'm interested to see your thoughts. Why would a guy hang back like this? This is what is running through my mind: -he likes me, just not a lot -he doesn't want a relationship (may or may not be seeing other women) -he is clueless about what he should be doing -he likes having things at a slow pace and this works for him -he doesn't know what he wants -he is wondering why I am not making more of a move! The women can of course offer advice too
Pasttense Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 It's quite possible for some guys who really like you a lot to be absolutely tongue-tied in saying so (but if they only like you moderately to be quite free with complements). But even if this were so in this case, I would still expect he would want to spend a lot of time with you. I think you should make more of a move. If he doesn't respond positively, you know it's probably time to at least multi-date.
Fondue Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 He goes on dates (4) with you, telling you that he enjoys your company. He also kisses you. Then he follows this by inviting you to another event. I'm not sure what else you want. You would know he DOESN'T like if he wasn't asking you out. Actions > Words.
CocoaBrown Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 ... when you like a woman? I am a little confused as to what I should think or do. I've been on several dates with this one guy. I wasn't sure if I was into him or not, but I also hate dating, and am still trying to move on from the ex. So, I went into it slowly, with no expectations. I am being 100% myself, no second guessing it either. But, I have never had a guy drag things out like this. He and I have hung out 4 times over the course of 6 weeks. Granted we are both very busy people and live 40 minutes away from each other. I've expected to be told by him that he is either into me or not. But, time just keeps passing. The last time we went 2 hours out of town to an event and we both had a great time. We had our first kiss. He told me that he had a great time and I replied that so did I. But, that was two weeks ago! He'll message throughout the week to check in, but he doesn't call. (He's called a couple times coordinate our second date). He asked to see me this weekend, and I accepted. He also wants me to go to an event with him next month. We are both late 20s and discussed about how our families wonder when we'll settle down. I know that he is not in a rush, as he told me that much. I told him the same thing. We talked about how important it is to find the right person and not just settle. The last thing I will say is that he has never complimented me or said that he likes me. Not that I need to be showered with comments. But, I thought a "you look nice tonight" or "I like you" would be nice. Or, anything remotely flirty! There is just no clarity though. He seems into me, but it's like watching molasses pour. I just don't know. I'm interested to see your thoughts. Why would a guy hang back like this? This is what is running through my mind: -he likes me, just not a lot -he doesn't want a relationship (may or may not be seeing other women) -he is clueless about what he should be doing -he likes having things at a slow pace and this works for him -he doesn't know what he wants -he is wondering why I am not making more of a move! The women can of course offer advice too LOL I'm sorry but your post cracked me up. Maybe cause I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been dating a guy that I saw 6 times before I had to ask him "Are you going to kiss me?" lol He said that he had wanted to he just wasn't sure it was the right time. We talked some more and he said he knows he's not very aggressive and that he's shy. I also think he may just be a little clueless. I mean that in the most loving way possible lol but it's true. Maybe that is what's going on with your guy. It can be very frustrating though. I'm going to try to show him what to do/what I like and see what happens. I have always wanted to guy to make the first move but it kinda turns me on (hopefully it stays that way lol) to be a little more forward and go after what I want. Once the whole kissing situation was talked about we were holding hands and he seemed to almost feel better.....like he knew for sure it was ok to kiss me....and he did. I'm not trying to rush anything either and I love spending time with him, but I definitely can't wait to be a little more involved!! lol
Author ScienceGal Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 He goes on dates (4) with you, telling you that he enjoys your company. He also kisses you. Then he follows this by inviting you to another event. I'm not sure what else you want. You would know he DOESN'T like if he wasn't asking you out. Actions > Words. Actions ARE greater than words, I totally agree! I had to mention to him that it would be nice to hang out during the day sometime because the only times we've hung out are at night (his idea). The last time we hung out and went out of town was my idea. If he really liked me, wouldn't he make more of an effort to communicate? Call me maybe, ask about my week. chit chat. I don't mean everyday, but once a week would be nice. Keep some momentum going! And he should ask me to go out to dinner or do something more than a late night at a bar. This is just weird. I will have to see how tomorrow goes. Thanks for all the comments!
Author ScienceGal Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 ScienceGal, I could have written your topic post as am in a very similar situation, except I hear nothing by text or email or phone in-between dates:confused:. I also find it very hard to read - is he shy or slow or only vaguely interested. I am just going to see what happens, without doing too much (I have stopped initiating contact). Meanwhile, if I can, I will date other men. Whatever happens, hope it pans out for you. Thanks. If things aren't more clear after our next get together, then I am just going to back away. No more initiating contact!
Dust Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Even if he does like you it won't work out if he has some barrier stopping his actions.
Author ScienceGal Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Even if he does like you it won't work out if he has some barrier stopping his actions. Very good point. I am thinking that a relationship is not high on his priorities list right now. So, I will take it for what it is.. which is casual hanging out/dating. In the meantime, I will do my own thing. If he makes a push eventually, I'll see how I feel then. Not holding my breath though!
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