Fleabitten Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Should you allow yourself to miss someone or try to avoid it at all cost? We hurt each other very much, and I know I can never have anything to do with him again, but today I still really miss him. I don't like that emotion because it makes me forget the very bad things he did to me and focus only on the good. I remember lovingly cuddling in bed on a Saturday morning but conveniently forget that this man was abusive and called me every name under the sun (fat, ugly, cunt, whore - you name it, he's said it all). I try to write down my emotions but I am not sure that writing about missing him is helping my grief and healing process. Or is it? What do you think? What do you do when you miss your ex?
mike588 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Should you allow yourself to miss someone or try to avoid it at all cost? We hurt each other very much, and I know I can never have anything to do with him again, but today I still really miss him. I don't like that emotion because it makes me forget the very bad things he did to me and focus only on the good. I remember lovingly cuddling in bed on a Saturday morning but conveniently forget that this man was abusive and called me every name under the sun (fat, ugly, cunt, whore - you name it, he's said it all). I try to write down my emotions but I am not sure that writing about missing him is helping my grief and healing process. Or is it? What do you think? What do you do when you miss your ex? Wow that's some pretty mean and harsh words. I'd be glad to be away from someone who talked to me like that! As far as when I miss my ex. I just try to focus on the bad times,, stay busy,call /visit friends and write a letter to him/her expressing my feelings good and bad but don't send it,Don't.
Zabs Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I remember he is in denial and count my blessings that I am not. Does that make sense? Zabs xx
RenoColt Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 You were so kind as to respond to my post, so you know I'm in the same boat, FB. First, I'm sorry you're hurting. I know how it feels. Like others have said, I'm keeping myself busy – taking care of myself. I am also reminding myself that my emotions are not me, they're just emotions... they'll come and go. I will remain. I also have to allow myself to be comfortable with not having all the answers. Even now, after it's abundantly clear he's a bad match... possibly a bad guy... I catch myself second-guessing: "Maybe if I had done this or that... maybe if I hadn't left... maybe I broke it off too soon... maybe it would have worked out... maybe if I had... etc., ad nauseum." I am working on accepting that I am in a place where I probably never will have all the answers to this. All I need to know is I feel I gave it my best, loved deeply, it has now crashed, and I need to keep moving on. That's enough to know. Be kind to yourself. If you had had open heart surgery, you wouldn't expect to be running a marathon today. What you did have was emotional open heart surgery. It's going to take a long while for healing to come and the pain to recede. All you can do in the meantime is take care of yourself, be accepting of the fact that you're hurting, and be gentle with yourself.
betterdeal Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I like yoga as a way to refresh my mind. Takes me away for 90 minutes and that I adore. It feels good to do exercise too.
lonelynyc Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Should you allow yourself to miss someone or try to avoid it at all cost? We hurt each other very much, and I know I can never have anything to do with him again, but today I still really miss him. I don't like that emotion because it makes me forget the very bad things he did to me and focus only on the good. I remember lovingly cuddling in bed on a Saturday morning but conveniently forget that this man was abusive and called me every name under the sun (fat, ugly, cunt, whore - you name it, he's said it all). I try to write down my emotions but I am not sure that writing about missing him is helping my grief and healing process. Or is it? What do you think? What do you do when you miss your ex? I struggled with this for months after the breakup. Instead of focusing on all the negatives I thought about how much I missed all the joyful, tender moments. Only now, 3 months on, am I starting to accept that whatever good qualities my ex had, she no longer had it in her to share them with me. The one benefit of not maintaining NC with her for the past few months is that I fully understand her current attitude and behavior towards me. I became an object to be used for sex, comfort, ego-boosting who could be discarded like so much trash when I no longer served my purpose. The good isn't coming back, just remember that. You are never going to be valued by your ex again. Forget him for now. Years later when your feelings have disappeared you can look back at the good times fondly. For now, they're just a pipe dream.
Author Fleabitten Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Zabs, Mike, RenoColt, Betterdeal, lonelynyc, thank you for your replies. It is so hard. I try to remind myself that I'm much better off out of the relationship, I do NOT want to idealise him. Luckily I'm very busy as I have two horses, so I go and ride them and often a few others as well, which is great distraction and exercise. I just dread coming home to a night on my own. I don't have the energy to go out and be fun and sociable yet. I hope it will come. Thank you for your support...
TheDovic Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Hey, sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time! What do I do?: - Read every breakup book I can get my hands on - Listen to break up hypnosis cd's (really good when I'm feeling sad) - Post on Loveshack - Speak to my friends and family These all seem to help. My best advice is to read read read. It focusses your mind and you're learning new things about coping and why you're better off now.
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