She leads me on, then ignores me, I tell her she's shallow, then she responds. WTF?

[johnnyk]

So I went on a first date with this girl. Met her through a dating website. It went great (I thought), great conversation, and she even said at the end 'hope to meet up with you again soon'. I thought 'ok cool...second date is on'. So over the week, I message her through the site to thank her for the nice time, express my interest in seeing her again, I invite her out to a show.

 

Two days pass...no response. Yet, I see her going online every night and there's no way she's not seeing my messages, even if there are other guys messaging her, which seems to be the case as she is labeled as someone who 'replies very selectively' to private messages.

 

Thursday noon, I send her a text message saying I'd like to meet up with her again, ask if she's free Friday or over the weekend. No response the rest of the day or at all.

 

At this point, I'm thinking she's definitely ignoring me and feeling a little pissed off about it.

 

So I write her a message through the site saying that I'm not sure why she said she'd want to meet again with no intention of doing so and saying how disappointing it is to meet someone you think is genuine, honest, and likeable only to find out they're kind of shallow. I didn't directly call her shallow, but I wanted to make it clear I wasn't too happy about being mislead and then being completely ignored.

 

Low and behold this message actually gets her to respond to me and she says she wasn't trying to 'blow me off' and that she's in the middle of a busy week, but said she wanted to talk about the message I wrote her and would talk to me when she's available. That was today so still waiting for her to follow up on her word.

 

I responded and said if she's not interested to just let me know, give me a hint, or whatever, but not to treat someone like don't exist especially after leading me on. The fact that she saw this message and responded by the next afternoon means she read my other two messages. I don't buy her explanation that she's been busy because I see her on this website every night. It doesn't take much effort to simply respond to someone with a few words. Only shallow people can totally ignore someone after leading them on and not feel the least bit bad or feel obligated to correct things. Maybe I'm going too far with that statement, but I can't seem to make sense of her behavior because I was convinced by her profile and after meeting her that she wasn't that kind of girl.

 

We're both adults in our late 20's and this experience felt like some childish, college-aged dating BS that I don't have the patience for. Yes, the thought did occur to me that she may be seeing another guy who she may be more interested in OR she's simply not interested, but if that's the case, why not just say so? It's not going to hurt my feelings. I would say 'ok cool' and move on. You would think it'd be the decent thing to do, but I guess with online dating, it's easy to behave this way when you don't have to face them.

 

Anyway, I'm curious to see what she has to say to me, if she even gets back. I'm not even interested in trying to salvage things at this point even if given the opportunity. She's just too aloof.

 

But, part of me feels like I might gone overboard in handling this. What are your thoughts on this girl?

[Country_Girl]

Well I guess when people don't really know you, they don't feel obligated to you. My guess is you are only an option.

 

I experianced the same thing recently, went on a great date, we connected on all levels, and he made future plans, saying things such as: "Do you snowboard, oh sweet, we will have to go this winter". "Oh you know how to do 'xyxyxy' do you think you can show me sometime". He continued texting me flirty things in the days following our meet/date.

 

So we made date plans a few days later and he canceled on me the day of, 20 minutes before our date with some bull**** excuse that his mom was sick and he had to take care of her. That was 3 days ago, haven't heard from him since and I don't plan on messaging him.

 

In situations like this, you have to take the high road. Yes, the rejection sucks, and the inconsideration to at least let you know what's going on can be painful- but heck, do you really want to be with someone like that anyway? I don't want to date a serial dater in which I am only an option, so consider yourself greatful that you probably dodged a bullet on this one. If she even does messege you back, don't even merit a reply, it's not worth your time.