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She leads me on, then ignores me, I tell her she's shallow, then she responds. WTF?


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Posted

So I went on a first date with this girl. Met her through a dating website. It went great (I thought), great conversation, and she even said at the end 'hope to meet up with you again soon'. I thought 'ok cool...second date is on'. So over the week, I message her through the site to thank her for the nice time, express my interest in seeing her again, send her a few texts, and invite her out to a show.

 

Two days pass...no response. Yet, I see her going online every night and there's no way she's not seeing my messages, even if there are other guys messaging her, which seems to be the case as she is labeled as someone who 'replies selectively' to private messages.

 

Thursday noon, I send her a text message saying I'd like to meet up with her again, ask if she's free Friday or over the weekend. No response the rest of the day or at all.

 

At this point, I'm thinking she's definitely ignoring me and feeling a little pissed off about it.

 

So I write her a message through the site saying that I'm not sure why she said she'd want to meet again with no intention of doing so and saying how disappointing it is to meet someone you think is genuine, honest, and likeable only to find out they're kind of shallow. I didn't directly call her shallow, but I wanted to make it clear I wasn't too happy about being mislead and then being completely ignored.

 

Low and behold this message actually gets her to respond to me and she says she wasn't trying to 'blow me off' and that she's in the middle of a busy week, but said she wanted to talk about the message I wrote her and would talk to me when she's available. That was today so still waiting for her to follow up on her word.

 

I responded and said if she's not interested to just let me know, give me a hint, or whatever, but not to treat me like they I don't exist especially after leading me on. The fact that she saw this message and responded by the next afternoon means she read my other two messages. I don't buy her explanation that she's been busy because I see her on this website every night. It doesn't take much effort to simply respond to someone with a few words. Only shallow people can totally ignore someone after leading them on and not feel least bit bad or feel obligated to correct things. Maybe I'm going too far with that statement, but I can't seem to make sense of her behavior because I was convinced by her profile and after meeting her that she wasn't that kind of girl.

 

We're both adults in our late 20's and this experience felt like some childish, college-aged dating BS that I don't have the patience for. Yes, the thought did occur to me that she may be seeing another guy who she may be more interested in OR she's simply not interested, but if that's the case, why not just say so? It's not going to hurt my feelings. I would say 'ok cool' and move on. You would think it'd be the decent thing to do, but I guess with online dating, it's easy to behave this way when you don't have to face them.

 

Anyway, I'm curious to see what she has to say to me, if she even gets back. I'm not even interested in trying to salvage things at this point even if given the opportunity. She's just too aloof.

 

But, part of me feels like I might have gone overboard in handling this. What are your thoughts on this girl?

Posted

If she is on the dating website everyday and you feel you are being ignored; you are ignored.

It is hard to stomach, move on and depending on the dating site; remove her from contact/block/hide from search or whatever.

Posted

You stop after the 2nd message, and once you saw her on the site but hadn't answered you yet. You put yourself in no win situation by leaving her a long note explaining how you feel and why. I'm sure it sucks, but for the next time, if there's no response back, that IS the hint. Those who are interested, reply and don't ignore, don't play games.

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Posted
You stop after the 2nd message, and once you saw her on the site but hadn't answered you yet. You put yourself in no win situation by leaving her a long note explaining how you feel and why. I'm sure it sucks, but for the next time, if there's no response back, that IS the hint. Those who are interested, reply and don't ignore, don't play games.

 

Before we set up a meeting, her responses to me where kind of inconsistent. Sometimes she'd respond right away, sometimes it would take 24 hours, which is why I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Kind of doesn't make sense though that suddenly she responds and wants to talk to me after I write her that 'good bye, **** you' message lol.

Posted
Before we set up a meeting, her responses to me where kind of inconsistent. Sometimes she'd respond right away, sometimes it would take 24 hours, which is why I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Kind of doesn't make sense though that suddenly she responds and wants to talk to me after I write her that 'good bye, **** you' message lol.

 

The reason women dont tell you theyre not interested is because they dont want to deal with the backlash. Sometimes they have to deal with guys that dont take kindly to being told they arent interested, so the ladies just lie to them about having a good time, then they ignore them.

 

She responded because she is stupid enough to be worried about you thinking shes a bad person, so she told you just enough to shut you up so she doesnt have to feel guilty for leading you on. But she probably wont follow up on another date anyway. So next time you call her out on it, thats when you will hear from her again. Ill wager on that.

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Posted
The reason women dont tell you theyre not interested is because they dont want to deal with the backlash. Sometimes they have to deal with guys that dont take kindly to being told they arent interested, so the ladies just lie to them about having a good time, then they ignore them.

 

She responded because she is stupid enough to be worried about you thinking shes a bad person, so she told you just enough to shut you up so she doesnt have to feel guilty for leading you on. But she probably wont follow up on another date anyway. So next time you call her out on it, thats when you will hear from her again. Ill wager on that.

 

My ex-gf is proof that not all women are as you describe. She'd be too concerned about hurting someone's feeling to just ignore them. That's probably why we were together for so long. But yeah, it seems A LOT of women I'm meeting through online dating are like you describe. Gotta start looking elsewhere...

Posted (edited)
My ex-gf is proof that not all women are as you describe. She'd be too concerned about hurting someone's feeling to just ignore them. That's probably why we were together for so long. But yeah, it seems A LOT of women I'm meeting through online dating are like you describe. Gotta start looking elsewhere...

 

That isnt just online, actually its worse in person. Women in general that use ignoring as a hint. They give you their number instead of saying no (because theyre not really of strong enough personna to say no) and then they never answer you. Or when you meet up with them on a date, and they decide theyre not interested, you will go through this same scenario again and again. So if you contact them, and they dont reply, just leave it alone.

 

Dont set any expectations when you make dates, assume they wont show up, or call back, and you will never have to be disappointed. Trust me, it makes dating alot easier when you dont worry about whether or not they like you. They also smell the non-neediness on you too, makes them like you more - but you wont care! It gets kinda exponential after that.....

Edited by Eddie Edirol
  • Author
Posted
You totally overreacted here and came across as needy, desperate, petulant and childish. This girl has done nothing wrong, she went on a date with you and who knows why she didn't get back to you sooner? She might have been busy, she might not be interested, she might be seeing other men from the website. You just don't know. If she was interested in you, she probably won't be after this incident. Just chalk it up and move on. When on a dating website, you're going to get a lot of rejections, a lot of one dates that never go anywhere. Instead of focusing on just one woman, you should spinning more than one plate so to speak. You should be arranging to meet lots of different women.

 

When I wrote her that message, I already gave up on any possibility on a second date so that's that. But yeah I did overreact. She's dating another guy and revealed to me last night that because she liked him 'a lot' she didn't know how to 'proceed' with me, even though she claims she had every intention of meeting with me again. That's her explanation for going silent on me. Claiming to be busy is just an excuse everyone gives.

 

I don't think I want to pursue a girl who doesn't know what she wants. Too much potential for a complicated mess.

 

I'm coming out of a 4 year LTR and I think I've become too used the dynamics of that. Haven't dated in years, just a lot of casual dating in my early 20s, but nothing serious. I'll try your approach and try to grow a thick skin for this.

  • Author
Posted

Dont set any expectations when you make dates, assume they wont show up, or call back, and you will never have to be disappointed. Trust me, it makes dating alot easier when you dont worry about whether or not they like you. They also smell the non-neediness on you too, makes them like you more - but you wont care! It gets kinda exponential after that.....

 

Thanks for advice.

Posted

What you should do is text her and ask her to go out with you. If she doesn't respond in an appropriate amount of time. say two to three days, then forget about her. She's not the one. There will be other women and one of them will really appreciate you. Don't change into an ******* because of one girl or because of what your friends say.

Posted

bah, message a new girl.

  • Author
Posted
bah, message a new girl.

 

Way ahead of you.

 

By the way, just joined this forum. It sounds like only guys giving input. Was hoping to get some female perspectives in here lol.

Posted

I don't think I want to pursue a girl who doesn't know what she wants. Too much potential for a complicated mess.

 

Maybe you dont understand, she knows what she wants, and she knows it isnt you. Thats what you have to assume when she doesnt call you back.

 

Females giving you opinions on dating is as useful as a chocolate teapot. Women aren't men, aren't wired like men and therefore cannot give males advise on dating from a male perspective. Asking a woman how you become a man is like asking a blind man to see.

 

Its a gamble on this site. Alot of women on here tell you what you want to hear, very few tell you what you need to hear. So watch out for the ones that say "maybe she is just busy, give her another text and see what happens." Those women are the ones who ignore the texts and wont tell a guy shes not interested.

 

Then there are the women who might say "she ignored you, thats a hint that she isnt into you, so leave her be."

 

I dont know what answer you want the women to tell you, but the advise you already have here is all you need to continue looking for other woman.

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