sweetypielovely Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) Please just be brutally honest with me here. Opinions? Weve been together for 5 months. We live and hour and a half apart. Hes 29 and me im 41. Its always been great but very limited time time together in person due to work schedules. But see each other at least 4X a month. Hes divorced with 2 kids. Bad divorce with his ex and lots of bad history there. Me divorced with 1 kid and mutual agreement to divorce but he was an alcoholic and yelled a lot. Well lately my BF's been breaking dates because he has had to work late. Hes never lied to me and ive never felt weird about anything before. Because it happened twice in a week i told him that i was pissed about it and that it wasnt right. I felt unimportant. He then went off on me about needing to work to earn Christmas money for his kids since he has 2 and hes been given over time opportunities and that we'd see each other in a few days. He said i wasnt being understanding and that he didnt need the BS or drama like his ex did to him too and he didnt wanna come home to texts from me bitching at him for not being able to meet. But he also didnt text me to tell me he wasnt meeting me till after he got home and after our meet up time we both agreed on. Then i told him to meet me on sunday with the kids if he wanted to work on our relationship and he told me he wasnt my puppet and that he didnt wanna bring the kids up here and have them hear us talking or arguing and that he didnt give a rats ass what i wanted. He kept telling mt to STFU and listen to him. It was like the damn exorcist came out. I saw a very different person emerge that i had never seen. He got so angry he cussed me and told me that he wasnt gonna take any BS and that his ex did that all the time too. I got so mad that when i yelled at him i accidentally called him by my exs name because my ex use to yell at me like that. It was an accident. I apologized and he was livid i could even think he was my ex. He kept hangin up the phone and eventually said it was over because he didnt need that **** in his life and that he didnt appreciate calling me my exs name. I tried to make it right but he wont even take my calls or answer my texts and im heart broken. I was to move in next month. Help??? Also i told him i was gonna come down there and see him and he said he didnt advise it. Edited October 8, 2011 by sweetypielovely
LittleTiger Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 You may not like this but you've asked for honesty and my honest opinion is that you've had a lucky escape. Five months isn't a long relationship by any standards and I suspect you've just seen his true colours. Be grateful you found out now instead of another six months down the line. You say he 'kept' hanging up the phone down, which suggests you kept calling him back - and each time he continued to behave abusively towards you - and you let him. In fact, by calling him back each time, you encouraged him. What you should have done is tell him to stop behaving like a child and refuse to talk to him until he grew up - then 'you' end the conversation - even if you have to do it by text. If I was you, I would call it quits (even if he shows remorse and comes running) - dealing with an abusive partner is hard work and you've probably only seen tip of the iceberg. I have a theory - if someone has a 'bad divorce' there's probably a good reason for it.
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 You are so right. Thank you. Im just so let down because i ordered engraved wedding rings and bought all kinds of things to go live with him and now its over. I havent talked to him and he wont reply to any of my texts or calls. I had so much to say that i called back and he kept hanging up if he didnt like what i said.
LittleTiger Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Please stop calling and texting him. He is being passive aggressive by not replying - and again you are enabling him. He has the power here and he knows it. Take it back! Stop calling and stop texting! He has you wrapped around his little finger. If you have more to say, send him an email - make sure you put everything in it so you don't have to write again and be assertive when you say what you need to say. He may read it, he may not, but it will give you some closure. There's also a possibility that once you back off and he feels he's lost the control, he will get back in touch. If he does, it's obviously your choice whether to open up to him again but, if you do, remember all those horrible things he said to you. Do you want to marry a man who talks to you that way and then ignores you? I'm so sorry about the wedding rings and the loss of your future with him. I understand how hard it is to let go but please do it now before he turns really nasty and you've already got the rings on your fingers.
CocoaBrown Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Please just be brutally honest with me here. Opinions? Weve been together for 5 months. We live and hour and a half apart. Hes 29 and me im 41. Its always been great but very limited time time together in person due to work schedules. But see each other at least 4X a month. Hes divorced with 2 kids. Bad divorce with his ex and lots of bad history there. Me divorced with 1 kid and mutual agreement to divorce but he was an alcoholic and yelled a lot. Well lately my BF's been breaking dates because he has had to work late. Hes never lied to me and ive never felt weird about anything before. Because it happened twice in a week i told him that i was pissed about it and that it wasnt right. I felt unimportant. He then went off on me about needing to work to earn Christmas money for his kids since he has 2 and hes been given over time opportunities and that we'd see each other in a few days. He said i wasnt being understanding and that he didnt need the BS or drama like his ex did to him too and he didnt wanna come home to texts from me bitching at him for not being able to meet. But he also didnt text me to tell me he wasnt meeting me till after he got home and after our meet up time we both agreed on. Then i told him to meet me on sunday with the kids if he wanted to work on our relationship and he told me he wasnt my puppet and that he didnt wanna bring the kids up here and have them hear us talking or arguing and that he didnt give a rats ass what i wanted. He kept telling mt to STFU and listen to him. It was like the damn exorcist came out. I saw a very different person emerge that i had never seen. He got so angry he cussed me and told me that he wasnt gonna take any BS and that his ex did that all the time too. I got so mad that when i yelled at him i accidentally called him by my exs name because my ex use to yell at me like that. It was an accident. I apologized and he was livid i could even think he was my ex. He kept hangin up the phone and eventually said it was over because he didnt need that **** in his life and that he didnt appreciate calling me my exs name. I tried to make it right but he wont even take my calls or answer my texts and im heart broken. I was to move in next month. Help??? Also i told him i was gonna come down there and see him and he said he didnt advise it. Wow....yeah I agree with the poster who mentioned that at least he showed who he was early. I know you are let down because you thought it was going to go further, but just imagine if you had spent more time and even had moved in with him. What a mess! I understand why you called him by your ex's name which to me should be even MORE of a red flag for you. You don't want to get yourself in the same situation where you are being verbally abused. I think you should stay away from him even if he does try to come back to you. This is just my humble opinion.
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 He texted me this morning that he only wanted to stay friends and i didnt hear anything else from him. Im so heartbroken because i never saw any of this coming. Not even a hint of it. I feel like such a fool and feel like i should have seen something coming. Thanks for listening but i cant seem to stop crying and thinking of him and how things were so great.
LittleTiger Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Aw, I'm so sorry. Don't allow yourself to feel like a fool - abusive men have a habit of appearing like 'Mr Wonderful' when you first meet them - he obviously kept this side of him well buried. There's no way you could have known. Hugs (((((sweetypielovely)))))
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Thanks @Little Tiger....Oh by the way he texted me about 2 hours ago to let him cool off and to give him a few days. But you made me see that i dont need a man whose true colors show like that. It be one thing to say he was mad at me questioning him about missing our time together and that he wanted to take a break but to say the things he did like "shut your ****in mouth when im talking to you." Wont cut it.
LittleTiger Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Thanks @Little Tiger....Oh by the way he texted me about 2 hours ago to let him cool off and to give him a few days. But you made me see that i dont need a man whose true colors show like that. It be one thing to say he was mad at me questioning him about missing our time together and that he wanted to take a break but to say the things he did like "shut your ****in mouth when im talking to you." Wont cut it. Oh boy!!! Run for your life girl! If he comes crawling back in a few days, pleeease send him packing. He'll probably come on all smooth and 'nice' again, trying to get you back and, if you give in, you won't see the nasty side of him again for months. I'd lay any odds that side of him will be back though - however long it takes.
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Girl you were right....He tested me earlier today saying he wanted to remain friends only. I texted a few choice things to him back and then he texted back saying to give him a few days to cool off. I told him to cool off. He said he was trying to cool off.
Author sweetypielovely Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 By the way yesterday i mailed the rings back to him to arrive tomorrow to his house. I included a note that said that i bought the rings as a symbol of our love and he could keep them as a reminder of what should have been
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