Tenacity Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) I just wanted to check in with those who remember me. September was hell. Many days I could not get out of bed. I'm better now, but still not anywhere that I need to be. To top it off, MM is contacting me again, all friendly and smiling. Just as "friends". Really, I can't take it. My post really is about another "friend" that I made early in 2011. A man (married) that I work with, who approached me wanting to be friends and talk. I was friendly to him but given all that has gone on with me and ex-MM (many know the story; I won't reiterate it here) I made it clear as glass to him that I want nothing to do with a friendship with a man who is married. We have talked at work as coworkers, nothing personal on my side, but he has confided in me that he is miserable in his marriage and that he has fallen in love with me. I have given him no mixed messages. I want nothing to do with it or him other than being friendly, not even 'friends'. When he starts to mention personal things, mainly problems with his wife to me, I interrupt and say "My advice is to get a divorce if you don't want to be married" and then change the subject. He has sent me may messages of love and wanting to get married, and I ignore it but a few times I have blown up and demanded he stop. It doesn't stop. My problem is that this man is now basically stalking me, sending me messages that he is in love with me, I am his soul mate (Right!!!) and that he would leave his marriage in a minute if I would please just give him a chance (yeah, heard that one before too! Five years of it. And by the way, NOT interested!). I am to the point of considering a restraining order. And even if I were interested in this person, which I am not, how stupid would I be to again put myself in the position of hearing and believing "Yes, I'll leave my marriage for you" for men that don't mean it and even if they did momentarily mean it, who would trust them long term? This whole thing just makes me wonder again in general about married men! Seriously, are they so insecure that they can't get a divorce when they are miserable unless they have someone else's bed to fall into? Even those very few who manage to do so. I am just completely deflated and disbelieving in marriage. I would rather be by myself than be with someone like that. Edited October 8, 2011 by Tenacity
seren Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Tenacity, I would tell him if he does it just one more time that I would contact his wife and then I would avoid him at all costs. He isn't a friend if he cannot respect your boundaries. I had a friends husband hit on me many times, I told my H who quickly put a stop to it. letting his wife know is a surefire way to stop this.
Author Tenacity Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Tenacity, I would tell him if he does it just one more time that I would contact his wife and then I would avoid him at all costs. He isn't a friend if he cannot respect your boundaries. I had a friends husband hit on me many times, I told my H who quickly put a stop to it. letting his wife know is a surefire way to stop this. Thanks. I have been avoiding him at all costs. I am not interested in getting into another triangle with a wife; had enough of that with my own ex-MM and I have no interest in this person and don't want the complications, just want to be left alone. I don't have a spouse as I am divorced, so I am on my own. I just am completely dissilusioned about men. Completely.
seren Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 It is understandable to be wary of another relationship if you have been hurt, but not all men or relationships are rotten. I had 2 marriages before meeting my H, left both and swore I would never get married again. 26 years and an H's affair and we are still together and happy. I found what worked for me was looking at what I wanted from a relationship, if it wasn't working I would end it. It is not so long ago that you were hurt, I always think that everything that happens changes us, makes us grow and as we look and learn from every experience, that we begin to know what it is that will make us happy. Marriage is dammed hard work and not for the faint hearted!! but when it works, it is dammed good, it's just a case of finding a partner that fits. I think you need to give yourself time, sounds like you are still hurt and the guy coming onto you and the MM making contact is bound to make you cynical. The problem lies not with love, marriage, or relationships, but with those particular men. Ask him how his wife would feel if she knew what he was saying, it might make him think twice about saying what he is.
whichwayisup Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Tell him, "you say that to me one more time, write a note, an email, or text I'm going to the cops and get a harrassment suit against you, and a restraining order." Or just threaten to tell his wife. Just curious? Does he know about your exMM?
Gentlegirl Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Firstly, I am wondering if this man knows about your A, and thinks you are easy prey? Just asking. Secondly, do you not have a workplace policy in place regarding stalking and sexual harrassment? If you do USE it! Go to your company with evidence that this man is upsetting you. Threaten to tell the wife and if he doesn't stop, tell her. I would leave the restraining order until the last resort. Gentlegirl
TurningTables Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Hi T. Its nice to see you posting even though its not the best news. I agree with GG about the new guy knowing about your xMM. If he does, he might see you as she said...easy prey. He might figure since you went down that road with xMM, you might travel it with him. My suggestion would be telling the new guy if he dosent stop, youre going to contact his W. Next, get a restraining order. They dont always work, but hopefully the threat will be enough to scare him away. Make sure you let him know you mean buisness! About xMM, if LC is not working for you, you need to tell him. How can you heal if he is constantly popping up in your life? This is where Ive been for the past two months. It has stopped my progress and sent me back to square one. If he really loves you, he will leave you alone, stay gone and you can move on. Liberate yourself.
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