What Now?

[c_boswell]

I came to this forum because my boyfriend and I recently split up. I'm going to try to summarize the whole story as quick as I can. Basically, I am looking for an answer as to what I should do now - pick up the pieces and try to move on or go back to him and see what I can do.

 

I met C because he was my neighbor at my apartment complex. We spoke every now and then and I was very interested. Eventually he gave me his number, just before moving 6 hours away. He came back for a weekend after giving me his number to go out on a few dates with me. Upon spending time together, we realized how similar we were. He asked me to come visit him where he lived - problem was I am unemployed and couldn't spend all that money on gas coming and going, and he had school to go to, so we decided I could come stay as a "vacation" of sorts. I've been staying with him for 3 months now. It's all been going well until these last couple of weeks. From the beginning he has been sweet. I've never felt so comfortable and open with anyone before, and I feel like everything I tell him, he gets how I feel about it. We used to spend every night together watching a movie and every other day going to the pool/bar and enjoying the weather. He never seemed bored and always was laughing and enjoying himself. Now it's getting colder and I'm only 20 years old - I can't get into most of the bars in the area due to that fact. We made a compromise - when I don't feel like going out or aren't allowed in a certain bar, I go home and let him continue to have fun. I have no problem with this; however, because of this, he met a couple who have had a negative impact on his life. C has told me that he did drugs before (specifically cocaine being his choice drug), and he also told me that he would never do it again unless I was with him or did it with him. (I don't do any drugs, so he has refrained from them all these months with me.) This couple, Ch and A, are homeless, unemployed, users. C invited them back to his house to stay the night and do some drugs. I think it was smoking weed that night. I stayed upstairs the whole time having a major anxiety attack because I've never been exposed to that. During that time, C told A that he was physically attracted to her and they discussed many (stupid) things. The next day he didn't wake up until 6 pm. I told him how much it upset me and how much anxiety I had over it. Well, the next weekend he had to take his LSAT test. After the test, I told him I was having some anxiety because I was afraid he was going to ask Ch and A to come back over and do some more drugs. I hoped that voicing my feelings would make a difference. A few HOURS later, he tells me that they are both coming back over and that they are all going to do drugs (cocaine this time). I left. I went to stay with a friend all weekend and when I came back Monday, the place was a wreck. He had literally partied for 36 hours straight and missed his classes and been sleeping for days. I threatened leaving and almost did, but he said he would stop doing drugs and please to stay. A couple of days later, he tells me he's not going to change. He says he is who he is and that if I can't handle that, I should leave. I asked him over and over how he can just give up on us like this and not even care how perfect we are for each other. I told him that I made compromises and want to know why he can't compromise with me on this one issue - he said he's not going to change again and I tell him that's him deciding to end us then. That night he went out to drink, came back throwing up, then did 7 or 8 rows of coke. I was traumatized at seeing him this way and cried all night. I have been crying for days. I can't seem to stop and I miss him more than I feel is right. I seriously love this guy and don't think I'm going to get over it. So I emailed him and asked him to seriously reevaluate this and to think about his life (he is 35 years old and plans to become an attorney) and his daughter (who is 5 years old), because I'm not ready to leave him and just want him to work this out with me. I didn't ask him to stop, just to cut back and let me help him from overdoing it every time. I know people use drugs recreationally and still function the next day - I want to find that balance for him.

 

So now I'm confused on where to go. I'm staying with a friend for now because going home and seeing his old apartment is too much pain, but I want him to call or text me so badly. He said we would just take a break for now - about 2 weeks - and give him some time to get some space and think. I know this probably means he's still going to want to break up, but I have that hope to cling to for now and help me through this. My question is: Should I let him leave? Or can I try to get him back by working something out with him? I know I deserve better, but honestly, he was way better to begin with until he met this couple. Until they showed up with their drugs, I'd never seen him act this way. What do I do?