ctwatlanta Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Ok, here we go... She is 6 mos pregnant and about 3 mos ago she completely changed. She had been acting more an more distant and then completely blew up at me one day. I'd had enough of being treated like garbage so I gave her plenty of space and told her we should only speak as it pertains to the baby. For several weeks I saw and spoke with her only when I went to the Dr's appts. Mind you, we do not live together as she lives about 40 mins away. However, I offered for her to move in with me...she said no. I then offered to purchase her a home near me so we could raise our little girl together...she said no. Fast forward to early September and she tells me she's been hurting badly without me being there and asks if we can work things out. Over a period of 2 weeks we had a couple of lunches together and then went to a baseball game one day and spent time together that weekend. I felt like whatever she was going through a few weeks earlier was over. She was so sweet, affectionate and thoughtful again...the same person I fell for long ago. I immediately welcomed her back gladly and with open arms. Well here we are a barely month later and the indifferent attitude and distance is back! Over the past 2-3 weeks she has gotten more and more distant. When I call her she says she's in a bad mood (mainly due to work) and doesn't feel like talking or she snaps at me for everything. Every time I mention us getting together to see each other she either has plans, is tired or some other excuse. For instance, we were to spend this entire weekend together and she informed me last night that she didn't think she could do it because she was going to be too tired from traveling for work all day today. Mind you, we've not seen each other in 2 weeks! I asked her why she didn't want to see me and she said she was tired from traveling this week for work and seeing me an entire weekend "was too much pressure" and all she wanted to do was relax. She offered for me to come over for a little while and see her Saturday evening and that was it. Since when is spending time at home together watching a movie and having dinner with each other "too much pressure" and not relaxing??? I just want to see her and our unborn baby girl...is that too much to ask??? I got frustrated and told her to have a nice weekend. She responded back asking if I was coming over Saturday and I said no. She then went blew up at me and sent me the following txt msg: "I figured you would take this personally. Your focus is solely on your life and what you expect from this situation, Maybe if you widened your understanding of what other people want and need, you'd stop believing everything is about you. I'm tired of going back and forth with you. I want you to be around for our child and be a good father. I'm going to stop thinking that maybe you and I can understand each other from this point on. Because clearly, your understanding is self centered and takes no one else into account. I have enough stress in my life without this. Please do what you say you will do for the baby and me. That's all I want from you from here on out." Is it me or is she just completely crazy or what? I feel like she was sweet and nice to me just to get me back and that I'm someone to lean on for convenience while she goes through this pregnancy. I'm sick of being walked on and feeling like I'm nothing but her option. I have no idea how to interact or deal with her.
ShannonMI Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Ok, here we go... She is 6 mos pregnant and about 3 mos ago she completely changed. She had been acting more an more distant and then completely blew up at me one day. I'd had enough of being treated like garbage so I gave her plenty of space and told her we should only speak as it pertains to the baby. For several weeks I saw and spoke with her only when I went to the Dr's appts. Mind you, we do not live together as she lives about 40 mins away. However, I offered for her to move in with me...she said no. I then offered to purchase her a home near me so we could raise our little girl together...she said no. Fast forward to early September and she tells me she's been hurting badly without me being there and asks if we can work things out. Over a period of 2 weeks we had a couple of lunches together and then went to a baseball game one day and spent time together that weekend. I felt like whatever she was going through a few weeks earlier was over. She was so sweet, affectionate and thoughtful again...the same person I fell for long ago. I immediately welcomed her back gladly and with open arms. Well here we are a barely month later and the indifferent attitude and distance is back! Over the past 2-3 weeks she has gotten more and more distant. When I call her she says she's in a bad mood (mainly due to work) and doesn't feel like talking or she snaps at me for everything. Every time I mention us getting together to see each other she either has plans, is tired or some other excuse. For instance, we were to spend this entire weekend together and she informed me last night that she didn't think she could do it because she was going to be too tired from traveling for work all day today. Mind you, we've not seen each other in 2 weeks! I asked her why she didn't want to see me and she said she was tired from traveling this week for work and seeing me an entire weekend "was too much pressure" and all she wanted to do was relax. She offered for me to come over for a little while and see her Saturday evening and that was it. Since when is spending time at home together watching a movie and having dinner with each other "too much pressure" and not relaxing??? I just want to see her and our unborn baby girl...is that too much to ask??? I got frustrated and told her to have a nice weekend. She responded back asking if I was coming over Saturday and I said no. She then went blew up at me and sent me the following txt msg: "I figured you would take this personally. Your focus is solely on your life and what you expect from this situation, Maybe if you widened your understanding of what other people want and need, you'd stop believing everything is about you. I'm tired of going back and forth with you. I want you to be around for our child and be a good father. I'm going to stop thinking that maybe you and I can understand each other from this point on. Because clearly, your understanding is self centered and takes no one else into account. I have enough stress in my life without this. Please do what you say you will do for the baby and me. That's all I want from you from here on out." Is it me or is she just completely crazy or what? I feel like she was sweet and nice to me just to get me back and that I'm someone to lean on for convenience while she goes through this pregnancy. I'm sick of being walked on and feeling like I'm nothing but her option. I have no idea how to interact or deal with her. Don't pregnant women sometimes have major mood swings? I've never been pregnant myself, but I've heard this can be the case. Plus she's stressed at work. I would just give her some space and see what happens.
phineas Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Are you sure the baby is yours? Either you are a complete ass & not telling us or something else is majorly wrong. How long did you know her before she got pregnant?
ShannonMI Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Are you sure the baby is yours? Either you are a complete ass & not telling us or something else is majorly wrong. How long did you know her before she got pregnant? I was going to say this too. Maybe it's not yours.
FitChick Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 You should demand a DNA test before giving her any money for child support. In some states, even if you aren't the bio dad, if you've been in the child's life at all or have given the mother any money, even very little, you automatically become the kid's dad and have to pay and pay and pay for the next 18 years. If you are the bio dad, she might have deliberately trapped you by getting pregnant. Maybe get a vasectomy now to prevent this happening again.
Author ctwatlanta Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 I'm not being an ass. At least I don't believe I am. I'm trying everything humanly possible to make her happy. I'm 41, a professional, educated, never been married and by most accounts pretty successful. It just kills me that I can't be there to see my unborn baby girl as much as I'd like... A man can't tell if a baby is his until it is born and then a DNA test is conducted. So, I've got to wait at least 3 more months. That said we spent virtually every waking moment together so if she cheated (she never gave any indication she was) then she had to do it during lunch one day! Nonetheless, no man can be 100% certain the baby is his until the baby is born...even if you're married, engaged, etc. My brother was married and his wife was 3 mos pregnant when she told him it wasn't his and left him. Only the woman really knows the truth. We have known each other as friends for 2 yrs before we started dating back in March. She got pregnant almost immediately...within a month of us dating.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 She could be going through some mental issues due to hormones going wild in her body, and just acting severely as a result of them. But if youre not married, then you really need to just stop contacting her and start preparing for life without her. I know you want to be in this babys life, but its no born yet, and she needs to see how life is without you calling her to see her. Then once she does come around you need to wait till her hormones level out and then see how she acts. But this isnt a good sign if she acts this way when she is pregnant, because this could make a real problem for the next one.
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Pregnancy can be extremely hard on some women --- mentally, physically and emotionally. After she gives birth, she may indeed revert back into her more familiar self... or she could worsen (postpartum depression etc) and need to seek out professional support and help. It sounds like she doesn't want you to be her primary support structure for some reason... but that she may be afraid that you won't be supportive at all. She may be pushing away what she wants because she's afraid of not having it... but then reaching out for it desperately when her fear is about to be realized (it seems irrational and backwards, but it's something I'm unfortunately disposed of doing.... not while pregnant though). I do think you need to ask for a paternity test when the time arrives. For now? ... if you care about her, let her know... tell her you want to spend more time with her and that you want to be there for her but she has to LET you. Maybe she would benefit from a mother to be type group or some kind of counseling. If she's truly exhausted all of the time and stressed out, that's not good for the baby and she probably needs to slow down and accept some help... Now, if you are only trying be "responsible" and you simply feel "obligated" and are primarily interested in your baby, then let her go. You can still have rights to your baby (again, make sure the baby's yours when possible... but just wait until you can).
Cypress25 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Was she ever like this before she got pregnant? If not, then blame it on the pregnancy. Her hormones are out of control and that causes mood swings. Almost every pregnant woman goes through it. Besides, she's got to be feeling pretty uncomfortable at this point, physically. A swollen belly, an aching back, morning sickness...that would put anyone in a bad mood. Try to be understanding, it's only temporary. Just be glad you're not the one who's pregnant.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 In my experience, if a woman starts treating you like dirt for no apparent reason, and/or being extremely intolerant and ready to blow up over any issue that comes up with you, it's because some other guy came into the picture. They don't NEED you anymore so they think they don't have to be nice to you anymore. I'd say it's either that, or she's crazy. And yeah, don't pay for this kid unless it's proven to be yours.
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