Hannah123 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Sorry if thus makes no sense! Is about someone I was seeing. Even last week he wanted a relationship with me but changed his mind the next day! We spoke every day, had so much in common & fell in love. Then he got back with his ex (who he said he didn't want to be with). Since then he changes his mind always whether to be friends or have more. This has been for about 5 months now and I'm starting to not be able to cope with him going. He replies to my texts but often just a yes or real short reply. Never starts the texts. I have anti depressants but scared to take them. I think about killing myself every day and for 5 months I've been down. I try going out, I do go to work (because it's that or lose my home) but I have no friends nearby. I can't tell anyone as he's in a relationship...& so am I. But it makes it harder to not be able to talk to anyone about how I feel. I can't see my life improving seeing as I go for walks, talk to family, go to work, go out & for 5 months it hasn't helped. I can't cope anymore with him leaving me.
Viv Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Hi Hannah Have you not taken the anti-depressants yet, why are you scared of taking them? Is there anyone you can think of that you can confide in? I don't know what country you're in, but often there is a phone line you can call to talk to someone anonymously, in the UK it's the samaritans. It's really important that you talk to someone, even if it's your doctor. x
Author Hannah123 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Hello Thanks for your reply. I haven't taken them as I read side affects include suicidal thoughts. I have had these thoughts so often but only this last week I feel like it's possible I might go through with it. My doctor told me that as I was going to work she didn't think it was serious. She suggested to take st johns wort but because of the contraceptive pill she said to take anti-depressants instead. She didn't take me seriously even tho I have marks on my arms from self harm as a teenager & filled in an assesment form which took me to the 2nd most severe. I don't feel like I can talk as it's my fault. I was in a relationship when we started as friends but it went on from there. So I know I'm wrong for even falling for him. If I texted him now, he'd reply but just a short text. I'm in the uk.
Viv Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 It's not your fault that you're feeling like this, the relationship might not have been a good idea, but that you doesn't mean you don't deserve support, because you do! The problem is that you seem to be looking for help from the person that is making you hurt, this is just going to make you feel worse. The number for the samaritans is 08457 90 90 90. I've called them before and it helped a bit. I really think you should make an appointment with another doctor, that response is really shocking. They should offer you some counselling if you explain how bad you are really feeling. It is true that some anti-depressants can make you feel suicidal at first, that's why you should be under the supervision of a good doctor, who can keep an eye on you in the first few weeks. I'm sorry you're going through this, but it really can get better, with counselling, medication, stopping the contact with the people who aren't good enough for you. I think it's really important you speak to at least one friend about this.
mickleb Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Hi Hannah. Sorry to hear things are so bad right now. From what you've said, I'm a bit concerned that your doctor isn't taking how you feel seriously enough. It's true that some side effects of anti-d's can be suicidal tendencies but, for most people, the opposite is true. They are usually very effective. But I understand the concerns you have, so it sounds as though you could use someone at the end of a phone who you can share your worries with if, after taking them, you have any. I suggest you make an emergency appointment with a different doctor and state you would like a second opinion. As it might not be possible to get this until Monday, I think you should call The Samaritans tonight. They can assist with getting the help you need this evening. It sounds as though a counsellor would be a good thing for you. I know the cost can sound scary but what is more important than your health, right now? You may be offered some free counselling via a GP but this can take some time to be organised. Look into what is available in the meantime. Well done for coming here. This place is a bit of a sanctuary when you feel like you've hit rock bottom. From what you've said, though, I think you should have some additional support and I think you should seek it sooner rather than later. Take care. x
Author Hannah123 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Thank you both for your kind words. I know I need to not text him and just leave it but I also can't see myself happy without him as a friend or in my life somehow. The other problem is, everyone I know knows him. So it's impossible to avoid talking about or something to remind me of him. The doctor I saw wasn't my usual one, she tole me to join mindgym online but that didn't help at all. Both times I saw the same doctor as mine is always busy. I have the anti d's in my house so can start them if I wanted. I hoped knowing I had them would make me feel better but it hasn't. By the way the relationship was built from a friendship so I didn't out to do this. We didn't really get physical either. I don't know how I can tell anyone why I feel like this because I'm in a relationship and I'm sure people will lose any sympathy when they hear that. Thanks again, this website & your words have already made me realise I can talk and not be judged somewhere.
antz2411 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 anyone who on their on free will leaves you is not worth dying for.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Hello Thanks for your reply. I haven't taken them as I read side affects include suicidal thoughts. I have had these thoughts so often but only this last week I feel like it's possible I might go through with it. My doctor told me that as I was going to work she didn't think it was serious. She suggested to take st johns wort but because of the contraceptive pill she said to take anti-depressants instead. She didn't take me seriously even tho I have marks on my arms from self harm as a teenager & filled in an assesment form which took me to the 2nd most severe. I don't feel like I can talk as it's my fault. I was in a relationship when we started as friends but it went on from there. So I know I'm wrong for even falling for him. If I texted him now, he'd reply but just a short text. I'm in the uk. Hi. The "suicidal thoughts" disclaimer is for a tiny exception that should never negate the general rule that medication has been prescribed for a necessity and it often works very well. A person needs to first take them under close scrutiny by their psychiatrist but understand that it is always the patient's responsibility to speak up about any negative trends. The doctor can't know fir sure that the medication, its dosage or its combination with something else is exactly what you need to tune your particular chemical inequity. Please don't cut yourself out of the thing that may not only save you but turn your life around for the better entirely. I don't know how you happen to "have" anti-depressants that you "don't take" but I urge seeing your doctor, getting into a regimen of medication and self-reflection and get rid of any meds that are not in the prescribed routine. Considering your thoughts of suicide, this is no small matter and you need to take it very seriously and start getting right with the facts about what may help and what may hurt. Good luck.
mike111 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Sorry if thus makes no sense! Is about someone I was seeing. Even last week he wanted a relationship with me but changed his mind the next day! We spoke every day, had so much in common & fell in love. Then he got back with his ex (who he said he didn't want to be with). Since then he changes his mind always whether to be friends or have more. This has been for about 5 months now and I'm starting to not be able to cope with him going. He replies to my texts but often just a yes or real short reply. Never starts the texts. I have anti depressants but scared to take them. I think about killing myself every day and for 5 months I've been down. I try going out, I do go to work (because it's that or lose my home) but I have no friends nearby. I can't tell anyone as he's in a relationship...& so am I. But it makes it harder to not be able to talk to anyone about how I feel. I can't see my life improving seeing as I go for walks, talk to family, go to work, go out & for 5 months it hasn't helped. I can't cope anymore with him leaving me. Hannah, as i have said a billion times to people and i know I am repeating myself, again, it DOES get better. You just have to give it more time. ANd one day you will wake up and go, "what the heck was I so upset about". And you'll be ok again. Know that to be a fact! Right now your world seems totally upside down. But it won't be later. Things will return to "normal", and he won't mean anything to you any longer. People here also talk about the "NO CONTACT" rule. It works quite well. Something to think about. And be well!
Thieves Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) Thank you both for your kind words. I know I need to not text him and just leave it but I also can't see myself happy without him as a friend or in my life somehow. You can't see yourself happy without him? Are you even happy now? Were you happy during these past 5 months where he keeps changing his mind whether he really wants you in his life or not? I think I know the answer to that, and it's most likely No. Hannah, as someone else said, suicide is a very serious matter and is a last resort action. But please realize that it's only been 5 months. Yes, that seems like a long time, and yes you've been trying to help yourself during that time. But hey, guess what month I'm at? 8. I've been trying to heal for 8 months, Hannah, and you know what? I actually do feel better, a whole lot better than even two months ago. The worst thing you can do is put a time limit on your healing. Everyone is not the same when it comes to heartbreak. Some people take 5 months, some people take 8 months, some take a year, and so on. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, it just means you're different. We all heal at different rates. I agree with mickleb to try and get into counseling, and try a different doctor to see if they say something different than the doctor you've got now. Whatever you do, you have to be patient, and please, please please, don't give up. You're worth so much more than this, Hannah. You just have to give yourself more time to see it. Edited October 8, 2011 by Thieves
CopingGal Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Hello Thanks for your reply. I haven't taken them as I read side affects include suicidal thoughts. I have had these thoughts so often but only this last week I feel like it's possible I might go through with it. My doctor told me that as I was going to work she didn't think it was serious. She suggested to take st johns wort but because of the contraceptive pill she said to take anti-depressants instead. She didn't take me seriously even tho I have marks on my arms from self harm as a teenager & filled in an assesment form which took me to the 2nd most severe. I don't feel like I can talk as it's my fault. I was in a relationship when we started as friends but it went on from there. So I know I'm wrong for even falling for him. If I texted him now, he'd reply but just a short text. I'm in the uk. Okay, don't quote me on this, but I believe suicidal side effects have more to do with children and teenagers and less with adults. Were you seeing a medical doctor? I was nervous about going on antidepressants to, but I've been taking them for years. They really help. Maybe the UK is different, but in the US, doctors don't do therapy unless they are psychiatrists and even most psychiatrists do not do therapy. That is a job for a psychologist, social worker, or counselor. Are you living in a major city? I know in the US schools that train graduate students in psychology and counselor programs often allow the public to be treated by the more advanced students for free or a very low cost. Maybe it is the same with the UK. You have to talk to someone. You can also google things like "suicide hotline" on your computer, or "suicide hotline UK." You can go here: http://www.samaritans.org/ but the call is not toll free. Take care
Els Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Hello Thanks for your reply. I haven't taken them as I read side affects include suicidal thoughts. I have had these thoughts so often but only this last week I feel like it's possible I might go through with it. My doctor told me that as I was going to work she didn't think it was serious. She suggested to take st johns wort but because of the contraceptive pill she said to take anti-depressants instead. She didn't take me seriously even tho I have marks on my arms from self harm as a teenager & filled in an assesment form which took me to the 2nd most severe. I don't feel like I can talk as it's my fault. I was in a relationship when we started as friends but it went on from there. So I know I'm wrong for even falling for him. If I texted him now, he'd reply but just a short text. I'm in the uk. Okay, if you are worried about interactions with your BC, you should ask your doc if you can stop taking them at this point, or if not, when to stop. BC itself can cause depression and honestly, if you have many medications to juggle at a time for important reasons, you should consider stopping them. Why are you on BC anyhow? Are you expecting ONS to make things better?
Imajerk17 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) You need to talk to the doctor who prescribed you the antidepressants in the first place. My understanding is that antidepressants can *bring on* suicidal tendencies. No joke, Hanna. There is a chemical imbalance at play here, beyond the scope of this board IMO. EDIT: Just read the other posts on here. If you are not comfortable with your doctor, you'd be better off finding a new one. Edited October 8, 2011 by Imajerk17
lovesickpuppy Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Hannah, where in the UK are you? I'm in the UK too and also going through a break up, but have a feeling I'm coping a lot better than you, maybe I could help? I hope you're okay. Please don't do anything silly, we're all here for you!!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Okay, don't quote me on this, We have no idea how old Hannah is... the "black box warning" includes all persons "under 25" here in the U.S. While it is still a somewhat small percentage of users under 25 who evolve to have suicidal thoughts and who then act on those thoughts, it still isn't a great risk to take. Far too often the person suffering depression is made by the anti-depressant to find just enough energy to end their lives. If you're already having steady suicidal thoughts then the anti-depressant is additionally risky. And if you're already in a (new) relationship... being honest with THAT partner is probably the best place for you to start. Perhaps the best thing you could be at this point is completely raw in front of your new partner, for better or for worse, in the interest of focusing on your own well-being as the top priority.
Buttercup84 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Hello Thanks for your reply. I haven't taken them as I read side affects include suicidal thoughts. I have had these thoughts so often but only this last week I feel like it's possible I might go through with it. My doctor told me that as I was going to work she didn't think it was serious. She suggested to take st johns wort but because of the contraceptive pill she said to take anti-depressants instead. She didn't take me seriously even tho I have marks on my arms from self harm as a teenager & filled in an assesment form which took me to the 2nd most severe. I don't feel like I can talk as it's my fault. I was in a relationship when we started as friends but it went on from there. So I know I'm wrong for even falling for him. If I texted him now, he'd reply but just a short text. I'm in the uk. Dear Hannah , Please tell your doctor how serious this is for you. Tell her you want to end your life and you need help.It is her job to help you. St johns wort does not do ****. I was on anti depressants and came off them. I even went to the emergency ward at night once because I couldn't handle the pain. I was so bad , had breakdowns , didn't eat and had anxiety attacks all the time. I am not 100% but I am at least 70% better. I was lucky to have a doctor that took me seriously and helped me. Please call helplines when you are feeling suicidal.Come on this forum and talk to someone. I joined a gym and going there everyday helped me so much. I might have not been strong emotionaly , but I made my body stronger. Do not blame yourself Ok ? the most important thing is now to get yourself better.It is all about you right now. Get help please , do not let anyone tell you it is ok for you to have these thoughts.PM me if you ever need to talk. In Australia we have a crisis team that comes 24/7 to your home to talk. Maybe ask your GP if you have that there in the UK.
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