noel2 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Ok, so I know everyone says sex on the first date is a disaster waiting to happen if you're looking for a real relationship, what I'd like to know is why? If you're both feeling each other? Do you think it takes the possibility of a relationship straight to the FWB zone?
CarrieT Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Ok, so I know everyone says sex on the first date is a disaster waiting to happen if you're looking for a real relationship, what I'd like to know is why? If you're both feeling each other? Do you think it takes the possibility of a relationship straight to the FWB zone? Because you can't possibly know someone well enough in just a few hours of a first date to have feelings other than lust.
azsinglegal Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Every relationship I've ever had that started with sex on the first date ended as heated as it started.
Author noel2 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 I'm more speaking of "feeling each other" like really attracted to one another, not true feelings. Also, what if you've been talking through a on line service or text or phone? You could have feelings if that were the case, no?
LittleTiger Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Simple answer is - we don't value what we find easy to get - and if you don't value someone highly you're not likely to end up in a LTR relationship with them. Also - relationships are about friendship, shared interests, values and beliefs etc - so if you have sex before you know someone, the chances are any relationship you do have with them will be built on lust and sex - if the rest doesn't follow the 'relationship' doesn't last. That said, some people do have LTRs which start with sex on a first date so it can happen - I think it's more a matter of very good luck in such cases though. I just don't get why you would want to be physically intimate with someone you hardly know - but each to their own I guess.
Author noel2 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Yes, that is true, men do like a chase.
Thierro Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Sex and bonding: like good wine, it gets better with time. Don't cork the bottle right away, let it rest for a few months to a year. It will taste great
Author noel2 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Sex and bonding: like good wine, it gets better with time. Don't cork the bottle right away, let it rest for a few months to a year. It will taste great Very nicely said:)
azsinglegal Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I'm more speaking of "feeling each other" like really attracted to one another, not true feelings. Also, what if you've been talking through a on line service or text or phone? You could have feelings if that were the case, no? I don't think you really get to know a person until you spend time with them. I know several folks who are totally different online then offline. Online, they're charming, fun, exciting and can many women...but offline, total losers. Remember, online is somewhat a fantasy land and not reality. You can be whoever and whatever you want behind a keyboard.
Author noel2 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 I don't think you really get to know a person until you spend time with them. I know several folks who are totally different online then offline. Online, they're charming, fun, exciting and can many women...but offline, total losers. Remember, online is somewhat a fantasy land and not reality. You can be whoever and whatever you want behind a keyboard. So true, I even catch myself being more flirtatious than I am in real life, I'm actually kind of shy, but online I'm like a tiger, lol
LittleTiger Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I'm more speaking of "feeling each other" like really attracted to one another, not true feelings. Also, what if you've been talking through a on line service or text or phone? You could have feelings if that were the case, no? Being really attracted to someone is just physical attraction - nothing more. One or two phone calls or skype conversations doesn't create an emotional connection. If you've been communicating for a long time online that's entirely different because, assuming the person has been honest, you know them pretty well so sex is not just about the physical connection.
vsmini Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Every relationship I've ever had that started with sex on the first date ended as heated as it started. I will second that.
Author noel2 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 I will second that. It has been my experience as well, unfortunately. Just wanted opinions, thanks!
grkBoy Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Ok, so I know everyone says sex on the first date is a disaster waiting to happen if you're looking for a real relationship, what I'd like to know is why? If you're both feeling each other? Do you think it takes the possibility of a relationship straight to the FWB zone? Because people are so screwed up in the head that they can't seem to get over this crazy notion that sex on a first date instantly means a RL can never happen. I mean, WTF? Two people like one another enough to hop in the sack on the first date, that instantly means they don't like one another enough to go further? I'm talking if they really wanted that to begin with, like they started dating to ge to know one another and gauge a RL...not the scenario where one simply wanted to bang the other. I love our society that we're told and pushed to "wait" because we're simply afraid of the other person seeing us as "needy", "easy", "screwed up", or even just fearful of getting used. But sometimes people slip and first date sex happens...if both people were looking for a RL, why is this suddenly now the decision to not bother? We have some screwed up ideals.
grkBoy Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Every relationship I've ever had that started with sex on the first date ended as heated as it started. I've seen it too, but astounds me when things ended because one person can't get over the fact that sex happened too soon. Insecure BS. "I dunno man, I really love her and she's wonderful, but she f**ked me on the first date. How do I know she's not out there spreading her legs easily for every guy she meets? What if she gets bored and dumps me? I should end this." Blows my mind how many people throw away something that could be great because of insecurity. Now I'm not saying every instance of first date sex ends with insecurity. I know in other cases it's the red flags that come out later, or one person finds out the other was only in it to get laid. Nonetheless, I don't get why it's such a bad thing when two people who obviously like one another have sex sooner than society has deemed.
Author noel2 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 grkboy, thank you, that's what I think, if two consenting adults wanna boink each others brains out after a nice dinner and movie and they feel a connection, why is that a deal breaker!
homersheineken Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Sex and bonding: like good wine, it gets better with time. Don't cork the bottle right away, let it rest for a few months to a year. It will taste great I don't know. If you let it breathe for too long, it will turn into vinegar
azsinglegal Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I've seen it too, but astounds me when things ended because one person can't get over the fact that sex happened too soon. Insecure BS. "I dunno man, I really love her and she's wonderful, but she f**ked me on the first date. How do I know she's not out there spreading her legs easily for every guy she meets? What if she gets bored and dumps me? I should end this." Blows my mind how many people throw away something that could be great because of insecurity. Now I'm not saying every instance of first date sex ends with insecurity. I know in other cases it's the red flags that come out later, or one person finds out the other was only in it to get laid. Nonetheless, I don't get why it's such a bad thing when two people who obviously like one another have sex sooner than society has deemed. My ex confessed to me after we split he knew we weren't going to make it long term because we had sex on the first night and any woman that will do that he doesn't respect or want for a wife.
Author noel2 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 I don't know. If you let it breathe for too long, it will turn into vinegar That made my day!!!!
grkBoy Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 My ex confessed to me after we split he knew we weren't going to make it long term because we had sex on the first night and any woman that will do that he doesn't respect or want for a wife. What a loser. Seriously. He's part of the problem IMHO. Another one who thinks things are supposed to happen "a certain way" and when that "certain way" is violated they can't handle it.
veggirl Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 IMO, if you have sex on the first date, the relationship has a HUGE chance of becoming mostly ONLY about sex. As in dates become something to kill time before you have sex. You always know there is sex waiting at the end of the night, so you are biding your time until you get to bang. Also, dates tend to simply become "hanging out and watching movies" with groping etc once you've had sex.
Andy_K Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I've had sex on a first date before. I'd do it again. I see nothing wrong with it, it works out fine. Sure, on a first date it's going to be about lust more than deep feelings. But I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where there wasn't much mutual lust. Main reason it doesn't work is so many guys are judgemental and insecure. Find the ones that aren't, and you'll hear stories of first date sex leading to relationships.
Kitsune77 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 The 2 longest term relationships I ever had( 7 years & 12 year)'were both from sex on the first date.
bac Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Ok, so I know everyone says sex on the first date is a disaster waiting to happen if you're looking for a real relationship, what I'd like to know is why? If you're both feeling each other? Do you think it takes the possibility of a relationship straight to the FWB zone? If you were a man, would you want to have a serious R with a girl who has sex with every attractive guy on the first date? If you are open to have sex with every attractive guy who wants to have sex, you are going to have sex 5 times per week with different guys. No mature guy would want the girl for a serious R unless he is a swinger. An immature guy ( age less than 23) would not care much because it is OK for both of you to be naive, unreasonable, and to learn lessons.
bac Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 grkboy, thank you, that's what I think, if two consenting adults wanna boink each others brains out after a nice dinner and movie and they feel a connection, why is that a deal breaker! Because one of the consenting adults is a male. Therefore he wants to have sex with a female and then to vanish into thin air because he does not want a R with a ...... or possible with anyone. But, the second of the consenting adults is a female. Therefore, she might want to have sex with a guy who wants to continue a sexual R with her. In summary, a man gets what he wants after you let him f...k you. A girl gets what she hates which is rejection after sex, low self-esteem, sense of being used, depression and negative attitide towards men.
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