StellaA Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I'm finding it hard to really enjoy anything I do at the moment. I'm keeping myself busy but can't help but think my ex would have enjoyed this. I want to phone him and tell him all about it but i can't anymore. We both love our sports and would watch them together....i hate to think he is watching them with someone else.
TheDovic Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 The memories were really killing me too... Stupid wee things like favourite tv shows etc, but this last few days have been much better! Here's why I think I am doing better - I've started listening to hypnosis cd's! I posted yesterday about hypnosis cd's (I've been using Paul McKenna's "I can mend your broken heart" AND Erick Brown's "Mend your broken heart"). Maybe I'm wrong, but I could barely sit still because I was worrying so much about what she was doing, who she was doing it with and I was missing her terribly. But today I've noticed a big change and even though I'm pretty sure she's out on a date with someone else I've been fine (TOTALLY fine actually, which is really strange!) My advice: Give them a try! For the sake of £6 ($10) to lose that awful feeling is a bargain. Wish I'd bought them 3 months ago when we broke up! Ps, I'll keep you informed of my progress with them to see if they continue to work.
Author StellaA Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Thanks thedovic...i actually have the book...just not listened to cd yet..will have to try it. Let me know how u get on
Zabs Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Really! Cd's? hmm...interesting Point for both of you...how do you know they are not feeling the same? Not sure whether to say this but here goes.... my ex is so 'over' me that he posts pictures of people that look like me every week, still calls private number...probably get one tomorrow or the day after...has a page on fb that is related to heritage and plasters songs on it that are reminiscent of 'us' I suppose it depends what your goals are...me I am keeping my options open as Iknow there have been jealous people trying to stir things up to an already fragile mind and make him confused and also, a lot of growth has happened between then and now.... I try to take day by day and not think too much about what he MIGHT be doing..hard I know..but to heal at all we have to do it. Dovic, I know you said she was bad for you...in what way? The kind of bad that is beyond the point of no return? Stella, same question to you... Zabs xx
broken-and-lost Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Sorry hun it sucks big time i drive past places or think of things and wonder what she is doing it's worse as i know she is now seeing someone else and i don't speak with her anymore. It's a tough one no real easy answer apart from what your doing the hypno cd's can help maybe give them a try they are not for everyone but always worth a try
TheDovic Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 CD's aren't doin much today... Want to phone her so much!!!
Rimer Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I don't have a answer as I'm in the same state.. People tell you to do the stuff you loved to do when you were together. Well simple things like favorite tv shows, doing stuff around the house and even shopping I can't do them without getting sad or just not even do them. I don't know why I actually hated shopping altogether but now when I have to shop I feel so sad seeing all the couples in the stores me wandering there all alone. Before I didn't even notice how many couple's shop together now I do and I miss that even tho at the time I wasn't that much a shopper. Going to the movies I can't even image doing that
mike588 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I'm finding it hard to really enjoy anything I do at the moment. I'm keeping myself busy but can't help but think my ex would have enjoyed this. I want to phone him and tell him all about it but i can't anymore. We both love our sports and would watch them together....i hate to think he is watching them with someone else. I know what you mean. I try to stay busy but sometimes I just run out of things to do. Your not alone when it comes to doing/watching things and know he/she is doing it with someone else,,,makes me sick!
TheDovic Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Really! Cd's? hmm...interesting Point for both of you...how do you know they are not feeling the same? Not sure whether to say this but here goes.... my ex is so 'over' me that he posts pictures of people that look like me every week, still calls private number...probably get one tomorrow or the day after...has a page on fb that is related to heritage and plasters songs on it that are reminiscent of 'us' I suppose it depends what your goals are...me I am keeping my options open as Iknow there have been jealous people trying to stir things up to an already fragile mind and make him confused and also, a lot of growth has happened between then and now.... I try to take day by day and not think too much about what he MIGHT be doing..hard I know..but to heal at all we have to do it. Dovic, I know you said she was bad for you...in what way? The kind of bad that is beyond the point of no return? Stella, same question to you... Zabs xx Hey Zabs, My ex is a perfectionist and it makes her miserable! She's a straight A student (seriously never got a B in her life), plus she has a 1st class hons degree. She's so used to being perfect that when she started working it hit her like a ton of bricks when she couldn't excel like she used to. She would get up a few hours early every day, go to work, then come home and work until she went to bed. This was 7 days per week and after a while she wouldn't do anything but work! That meant no going out to bars, cinema, for a walk etc for a whole year. The most we did was watch a movie maybe once a week and she would be working on the laptop even through this! She refused to acknowledge she had a problem and would not seek help. Since we broke up this is what she is still doing (according to her family who are worried about her). Working so much caused her to start being angry and she would have frequent outbursts and complained about everything in our lives. Furthermore her self esteem plummeted to the extent that she made me turn the light off in our bedroom every evening before she would come into the room because she was afraid of me seeing her without makeup. I tried to help her so much but it wore me out and I literally had no emotional energy left! These are the reasons she is bad for me!
Zabs Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Dovic, As harsh as this seems, it sounds like yours is completely salvageable BUT, (and there has to be a but) it really is down to her. I can identify with you so much. I have always been the person that supports. But with my own diagnosis and other health complications...I too am exhausted. When you suggested 'help' did she know you meant a Counsellor? Because from what you say, these issues are deep rooted and I believe that would really help. Your situation makes me feel like I wish I was still practising. I know I could work with your ex. In terms of options, it depends on what you want to achieve just now. I know from earlier posts you said you were hurting, but are you at any point prepared to give her another go? If yes, perhaps Counselling could be a condition that is put in place to support her..but you must be careful how you word it as you have identified her perfectionism as being part of the problem and wrong wordage could get her back up and reinforce her distorted belief system. For me, that would be an absolute first if you were to take a chance. If no, perhaps you could benefit from some yourself. It is a sign of strength to ask for help, not weakness. It demonstrates an insight into what our limitations are and taking action to deal with them effectively.. I'm online for a bit so hit me if ya wanna discuss this some more. Much love, Zabs xx;)
broken-and-lost Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Dovic, As harsh as this seems, it sounds like yours is completely salvageable BUT, (and there has to be a but) it really is down to her. I can identify with you so much. I have always been the person that supports. But with my own diagnosis and other health complications...I too am exhausted. When you suggested 'help' did she know you meant a Counsellor? Because from what you say, these issues are deep rooted and I believe that would really help. Your situation makes me feel like I wish I was still practising. I know I could work with your ex. In terms of options, it depends on what you want to achieve just now. I know from earlier posts you said you were hurting, but are you at any point prepared to give her another go? If yes, perhaps Counselling could be a condition that is put in place to support her..but you must be careful how you word it as you have identified her perfectionism as being part of the problem and wrong wordage could get her back up and reinforce her distorted belief system. For me, that would be an absolute first if you were to take a chance. If no, perhaps you could benefit from some yourself. It is a sign of strength to ask for help, not weakness. It demonstrates an insight into what our limitations are and taking action to deal with them effectively.. I'm online for a bit so hit me if ya wanna discuss this some more. Much love, Zabs xx;) i wish my ex would have come with me to counselling when i asked wasn't her with the problem but might have saved the relationship but she was emotionally drained by this point. If they don't want to it's impossible to salvage
Zabs Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 i wish my ex would have come with me to counselling when i asked wasn't her with the problem but might have saved the relationship but she was emotionally drained by this point. If they don't want to it's impossible to salvage Indeed Zabs xx
TheDovic Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Dovic, As harsh as this seems, it sounds like yours is completely salvageable BUT, (and there has to be a but) it really is down to her. I can identify with you so much. I have always been the person that supports. But with my own diagnosis and other health complications...I too am exhausted. When you suggested 'help' did she know you meant a Counsellor? Because from what you say, these issues are deep rooted and I believe that would really help. Your situation makes me feel like I wish I was still practising. I know I could work with your ex. In terms of options, it depends on what you want to achieve just now. I know from earlier posts you said you were hurting, but are you at any point prepared to give her another go? If yes, perhaps Counselling could be a condition that is put in place to support her..but you must be careful how you word it as you have identified her perfectionism as being part of the problem and wrong wordage could get her back up and reinforce her distorted belief system. For me, that would be an absolute first if you were to take a chance. If no, perhaps you could benefit from some yourself. It is a sign of strength to ask for help, not weakness. It demonstrates an insight into what our limitations are and taking action to deal with them effectively.. I'm online for a bit so hit me if ya wanna discuss this some more. Much love, Zabs xx;) She'd need to say she wants me back first!
Author StellaA Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Zabs....good question. I love my ex more than anything. I drove past him this morning and i felt the same. My heart wants him back but my head is c scared. I had a missed call today. I text him later but have not heard anything back yet. I'mm not sure what he wants and don't want anymore hurt
lonelynyc Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I know it's hard to envision this, but there are other people out there that will share your interests. Even if your ex never finds his way back to you, you will make memories with someone new. You honestly can't worry about what he's doing, because unless you quit your job and invest all of your savings in private investigators and surveillance equipment there's no way you'll know. Frankly, you'll drive yourself insane. You have to learn to forget.
Author StellaA Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Great advice....you can drive yourself crazy. Just miss him but i guess with time this will change
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