ctwatlanta Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Ok, here we go... She is 6 mos pregnant and about 3 mos ago she completely changed. She had been acting more an more distant and then completely blew up at me one day. I'd had enough of being treated like garbage so I gave her plenty of space and told her we should only speak as it pertains to the baby. For several weeks I saw and spoke with her only when I went to the Dr's appts. Mind you, we do not live together as she lives about 40 mins away. However, I offered for her to move in with me...she said no. I then offered to purchase her a home near me so we could raise our little girl together...she said no. Fast forward to early September and she tells me she's been hurting badly without me being there and asks if we can work things out. Over a period of 2 weeks we had a couple of lunches together and then went to a baseball game one day and spent time together that weekend. I felt like whatever she was going through a few weeks earlier was over. She was so sweet, affectionate and thoughtful again...the same person I fell for long ago. I immediately welcomed her back gladly and with open arms. Well here we are a barely month later and the indifferent attitude and distance is back! Over the past 2-3 weeks she has gotten more and more distant. When I call her she says she's in a bad mood (mainly due to work) and doesn't feel like talking or she snaps at me for everything. Every time I mention us getting together to see each other she either has plans, is tired or some other excuse. For instance, we were to spend this entire weekend together and she informed me last night that she didn't think she could do it because she was going to be too tired from traveling for work all day today. Mind you, we've not seen each other in 2 weeks! I asked her why she didn't want to see me and she said she was tired from traveling this week for work and seeing me an entire weekend "was too much pressure" and all she wanted to do was relax. She offered for me to come over for a little while and see her Saturday evening and that was it. Since when is spending time at home together watching a movie and having dinner with each other "too much pressure" and not relaxing??? I just want to see her and our unborn baby girl...is that too much to ask??? I got frustrated and told her to have a nice weekend. She responded back asking if I was coming over Saturday and I said no. She then went blew up at me and sent me the following txt msg: "I figured you would take this personally. Your focus is solely on your life and what you expect from this situation, Maybe if you widened your understanding of what other people want and need, you'd stop believing everything is about you. I'm tired of going back and forth with you. I want you to be around for our child and be a good father. I'm going to stop thinking that maybe you and I can understand each other from this point on. Because clearly, your understanding is self centered and takes no one else into account. I have enough stress in my life without this. Please do what you say you will do for the baby and me. That's all I want from you from here on out." Is it me or is she just completely crazy or what? I feel like she was sweet and nice to me just to get me back and that I'm someone to lean on for convenience while she goes through this pregnancy. I'm sick of being walked on and feeling like I'm nothing but her option. I have no idea how to interact or deal with her.
Author ctwatlanta Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Older & Wiser - Thanks for the response. I did tell her I wanted to marry her...she said no.
bigmomma1974 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 6 months pregnant and tired from work. Hello I dont mean to be a smart azz here bu being pregnant is an emotional change on ones body and hormones. Give her a break, shes tired from work, which is probably the truth. Have you ever been around somone who worked and traveled and was pregnant its more exhausting then not being pregnant. Maybe it isnt about you, maybe it is her hormones and maybe its the truth shes tired. Be patient and give her space that she asked for, She did offer to have you come over on saturday and you said no because it wasnt what you both had planned. Hormones I am telling you is probably the main key here. moody, tired, and pregnant all fits.
Author ctwatlanta Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 I appreciate the response BigMomma, but I realize it is not just about me and I am trying to understand and be patient. However, it's not just about her either. Remember, she is carrying "our" baby. I've not been able to see our baby girl for weeks now. I don't get to feel her kick, be near her, read to her or even tell her I love her. How hard is it to allow me time to just be there? Why is that "too much pressure" as she claims? I'm not asking her to do anything other than allow me to come over, bring dinner, sit on the couch next to her, watch some movies and be near our baby girl. For God's sake all you see and hear are women claiming that the father of their children is absent, inattentive, etc...however, here I am wanting to be there and I'm not allowed because - once again - she's too tired?!?! To make it worse the first month of her pregnancy I was traveling quite a bit for work, and guess what she got angry with me for? You guessed it! I was not there enough for her...wasn't being attentive enough, etc. The reality is men cannot win no matter what we do. We're damned if we do, damned if we don't.
Tayla Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Ctw, you are absolutely deserving to be there during the pregnancy stages, How wonderful that you wish to embrace that portion. So terribly sorry that the lady isnt "getting" that you have desires too to be a part of a life long change for you both. This lady is a fickled lot to say the least. Yes its absolutely logical and feasible that she is tired, not sure ( even as a lady here) why she is behaving as such. My hormones during pregnancy didnt supercede the welcoming love of sharing such a time with a loved one. I am as befuddled as you on her behavior and responses....Have you offered to give her a foot massage, anything to ease her bodily stress? Or take her to a spa....Just trying to throw out some ideas to get yourself back in the picture and show her that she is important as is the child.
Author ctwatlanta Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Ctw, you are absolutely deserving to be there during the pregnancy stages, How wonderful that you wish to embrace that portion. So terribly sorry that the lady isnt "getting" that you have desires too to be a part of a life long change for you both. This lady is a fickled lot to say the least. Yes its absolutely logical and feasible that she is tired, not sure ( even as a lady here) why she is behaving as such. My hormones during pregnancy didnt supercede the welcoming love of sharing such a time with a loved one. I am as befuddled as you on her behavior and responses....Have you offered to give her a foot massage, anything to ease her bodily stress? Or take her to a spa....Just trying to throw out some ideas to get yourself back in the picture and show her that she is important as is the child. Hi Tayla To answer your questions...yes on all accounts. Two weeks ago when I saw her last I sat at the end of the couch rubbing her feet for God knows how long, and then gave her a back massage. But before she woke up I drove down to the market and got her fave bagels and coffee. A month ago I ordered her a facial and prenatal massage and she blew up at me because I made plans for her without asking, and I made the massage for both of us and she wanted it alone. At this point I'm so sick of it I can't see straight.
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