Viking Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I am just really confused about how to take the conversation I had with her last night. So, my GF called me on the phone yesterday from Taiwan (I was so confused who it was at first!), and then we moved to skype so she wasn't using up all of her minutes. What we talked about on skype was the usual, what/how are you doing? I told her about what's going on with me, my school and whatnot. She told me about her school, how she's stressed and isn't sleeping very well. I could tell that something had been stressing her out due to her not being her usual self, so I asked if there was something more to her stress. What she said didn't surprise me, but made me nervous and worried. She said that she was stressed out about "us" because of the fact that she didn't feel like she missed me like she should. That I'm not always on her mind and that she doesn't necessarily think about us all the time. She said that she loves me, but is stressed and I don't want her to be stressed as she tends to get rid of relationships when stressed instead of talking it through. I tried to assure her that everything will be OK as there is a definite end in sight, and it isn't like we're spending time apart from each other for an indeterminate time period. I want to make sure that she is not going to feel added pressure from me. When we talked a while back, I asked her if she tells guys she meets that she has a BF. She said yes, but evidently this bothered her as I asked her about it. I don't want to mess this up because of jealousy. She said that when she meets new people, she has that question in the back of her mind and constantly thinks about what I would think. She phrased it like, "What is J going to think about this?" She also said that she is in a selfish period of her life right now and that makes it hard to try to include me in her plans and future. (WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?!?!) I told her that if I can ride that "storm" out, it will be worth it to me because I see myself with her. I am able to do that easier because I am older, have graduated from college and know more what I want out of life, especially with her. She's 23, still in college, studying abroad and stressed out from a lot of homework, class, new place, language and trying to manage a new relationship-situation. So, even though I talked to her on skype last night, I sent her this message this morning when I woke up before classes. I hope this wasn't too much or too over the top. She can get a little overwhelmed when I express myself too much, and skype plus this letter hopefully weren't too much. I am hoping it will be reassuring and help to make her more comfortable and more at ease when thinking about everything that she has on her plate. Good morning! Or in your case, Good Night! I just wanted to say hello and that I love you. You make me happy, even though the distance between us makes things difficult. I want you to know that we can get through the distance with effort and love. I know you love me and you are probably scared that sometimes you don't feel the same amount of love for me that you did when you left or when we were together back here in Bellingham. I kept your texts from the airport and read them from time to time. You're stressed from school, being in a new foreign country, not sleeping and also from trying to be a good girlfriend (you are! :*). I wish there was some way I could help make the stress melt off of your back and massage away your fears, but I can't help with your Chinese if you want to pass your Chinese classes . So, I'll do what I can. I know we just skyped and talked about this for a bit, but here's what I want to say. I trust you, "S". I want you to feel like you can have fun and experience Taiwan. I don't want you to feel like I am a monkey on your back waiting to judge you for your actions. I realize that you are stressed due to multiple factors and that you sometimes get overwhelmed when multiple things stress you out. Please don't start emptying things and people from your life because of stress though. I know you have in the past, but trust me, I'm worth it. I don't like trying to make myself seem like a grocery item in "S's grocery cart of life", but I'm the big juicy steak that is for dinner, not the box of cookies that you don't need. Take me home and BBQ me. We can make the distance seem like nothing if we keep open communication and be honest when something is wrong. I am grateful that you said something last night instead of hiding it away, because I could tell something was bothering and weighing on you. I wish I could tell you to not worry, as that is my job. Your job is to have fun meeting new friends, exploring Taiwan and what it has to offer. I want you to find yourself and be able to find happiness. I just want to be there WITH you when you do. We will make it through this just fine. When you're having doubts, talk to me. When you're celebrating something good, talk to me. When you're sad, I'm here for you, when you're happy, share with me. I am here for you unconditionally and without hesitation. I love you. <3 Beefcakes
creighton0123 Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 You should really clarify with her that as long term relationships progress, one isn't always burning with passion or longing. That level of emotional excitement can't be maintained. Instead, there are calms where you are simply one another's best friends interrupted by instances of passion and romance and sex. She is obviously stressing because she believes she feels what she shouldn't be feeling. It is your job to let her know that what she is going through is perfectly fine and that you will be there to keep her company and be there to support her and listen to her (and how she is feeling) without judgment or concern.
Author Viking Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 (edited) Yeah, I think girls tend to think that there should always be that burning passion or longing or something is wrong. Or at least my GF seems to think that. I would be dead tired if there was that kind of passion or longing. I'd have worried myself to death and been a nervous wreck by now. Between the two of us, she is less strong willed and more likely to be the one to cave in this. She brings up hesitation to get married when I don't even talk about it. She did reply to my letter, however it was not very long... Sorry it took me awile to respond, I've been away from my computer all day and will be tomorrow. I was also trying to think of a response and all I could come up with was " :)" Oops! Anyways, I'm going to be going on a day long bike trip tomorrow, so I'll be gone most the day. have to get up in... 5 hours, so gotta go! love you! Kiss I think it is OK, but she is just feeling the pressure from school, being in another country, long distance and in general overwhelmed. I dislike using facebook to write her letters because if I make them too long, I'm afraid she will view it as being too needy/worried etc. Not sure why I think that though... Edited October 11, 2011 by Viking
Confusedbroken Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 I feel like I had gone through what you are going through, (not what I'm currently going through that's a whole diff issue lol) any way, my bf kept feeling bad because he rarley said all those romantic things to me and he doesnt have a passionate need for me every second. I had to reassure him that just because I tell him how much I love him and miss him like crazy it doesn't mean my life is revolved around him. All you can really do is reasure her that what she feels is normal. Altho I would like to comment on how sweet you are to her! She should feel lucky to have a guy that romantic.
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