Jonnyy Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 So my ex contacted me after ive been NC for i think exactly one month. She texted me late last night at about midnight. Her:Hey, i think we need to talk... Me:Who is this? Her: You seriously deleted my number? Me: I'd rather not talk to you right now Her: You are being really immature you know that? Me:Think what you want, but i havent done anything thats immoral or anything to hurt anyone else and everything i do has a just reasoning that is in my best interest. its also in my best interest not to talk to you right now. Im not going to stoop down to your level and try and start a fight with my ex Her: I wasnt trying to start a fight...stoop down to my level really? instead of doing stuff that honestly..to distance yourself from me but yet you are still friends with my family and best friends makes a ton of sense..you are trying to make me out as the bad person..all i did was ask to talk to you and you try and act dumb like you dont know me. i never said you did anything immoral you assumed that Me: So let me get this straight. I cant be friends with people just because they are your friends too? Playing dumb? i deleted your number and didnt recognize the number. If your that upset about me having some family members and some of your friends on my friends list then maybe you should talk to them about it. Bad person? I honestly cant think of one way of how im making you out to be the bad person. you texted me strictly to tell me to do things like delte other people off my friends list yet when i removed your roommates it was "immature." I really dont want to talk to someone when their only motive is to control and manipulate me. This conversation is done until you can be a nice person, and i get an apology for how poorly i was treated during the breakup. Her: For startes i dont appreciate you putting words into my mouth. I never told you to delete anyone from fb or tell you that we couldnt have mutual friends. If you dont think people dont realize how fake you are being then you are seriously naive. As for being mean to you, this is the closest i have come to being mean thus far. So the next time you wanna tell me that im manipulating you actually read what i am sending you and dont make up some bs to make yourself feel better. If you honestly think im going to apologize for breaking up with you then you have a lot of growing up to do. I ended the relationship cause you werent the person i wanted to be with, you were demanding of stupid things and i no longer had the feelings i once had for you. You were kind enough to show me what kind of person you are and that is someone i dont want to be with. So i would appreciate it if you would stop being two faced and playing the victim card with me and trying to put it all on me. Im not going to take that from you when i honestly have done nothing wrong. And i am not going to say sorry for breaking up with you. Me: I wanted an apology for how poorly you treated me, why would i ever want an apology for you breaking up with me? Fake? Please explain how im being fake. Or eve two faced for that matter. Harsh for what you said but i couldnt agree more. Demanding of stupid things? I could name many times where you have done that. And if you honestly think this is the meanest youve been to me thus far than you are sadly mistaken. Do you not remember all those times you swore at me blaming me for people giving you weird looks and for constantly yelling at me for "talking **** behind your back"? When in reality ive yet to say a mean thing about you. Victim card...and exactly how am i playing that again? I didnt blame anything on you except for treating me poorly like i said before. Remember last time you wanted to talk? Where you basically blamed me for everything? Anyways this isnt just "bs to make me feel better" its all truth. All you are doing is bashing me right now and i wont take it. Please dont talk to me anymore. Im done talking to you. Her: It goes two ways_______. We both did things that hurt each other. Im sorry. This is not how i wanted things but it goes to show that we cant be friends we dont agree with each others actions. But you know that deep down i had just as hard of a time with the break up as you did. If you want to be hippocritical about things though it does make me upset and i am going to want to say something. I dont like that you say you are trying to distance yourself by only deleting my roommate if you truely meant it you would have deleted my family as well..you know where i am coming from deep down I never responded back. I just wanted her to leave me alone so i just deleted her family. Am i the only one that think i was attacked and that she was being brutal when all i was doing was defending myself. Did i say anything mean to her? What are your guys opinion on this?
Mack05 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Not sure how it is huge news mate? It seems pretty clear she was hoping to be friends but that you are not ready. If you are not ready you are not ready..It takes time to get over heartbreak. Stay NC
Bito Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I know your story and I'm sorry that this happend. Don't let it hamper any progress you have made. She is being very cruel the way she is treating you after what she has already done. If she tries to contact you agian, ignore her;). Use how immature she is acting to help remind you she is not the girl for you. Stay strong my friend.
silly_panda Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 "Who is this?"... That's awesome man... I don't know why they always think that we are immature/childish when we do not respond to them or do not wanna talk to them... Don't really know what she wanted to talk to you about in the first place though... It turned out to be an arguement and blaming... But well, you had done what you wanted to do... How do you feel now man..? 1
M2155 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 All this via text? Well to be honest, I think your convo might have been different had you left off "Im not going to stoop down to your level and try and start a fight with my ex." IMO you both "attacked" each other and never really receptive to what each other had to say because you both went into defensive mode. When she said you were being immature for not talking/deleting you should have just told her you needed to distance yourself after the breakup. I don't think it's wrong to remain friends with anyone whom you chose to do so as you stated. I don't think there is anything you can do now though, she confirmed that breaking up was the right thing to do and can't be friends. Still don't know the objective of the original text though.
Author Jonnyy Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) Trust me guys, The only reason she texted me was to start a fight. She wanted to control me. She was upset that i had a couple of her family members on my friends list and it was bugging her. Why? i really dont know. The only reason i said i dont want to stoop down to your level and start a fight was because the only time she wants to talk to me is to blame me for something or is pissed at me for something. She didnt want to be friends i guarantee you that. I didnt really attack her at all IMO. All i did was take in all the harsh things she said and gave a defense point on them. Do you guys really think i was at fault here? And M2155, she already knew i was trying to distance myself from her. When her roommate asked me why i wouldn add her on FB i told her i was distancing myself as much as possible. Trust me i would love to be friends with her, but it just wont happen until she realizes how poorly she treats me Edited October 7, 2011 by Jonnyy
Author Jonnyy Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 I texted her back this morning. Although i dont agree with anything you said about me, naive, need to grow up, fake, two faced, immature, saying bs to make myself feel better, demanding of stupid things. Youre right, we both did some things wrong in the relationship. Now me doing things to hurt you? thats something i really dont believe ive ever done. I deleted your number because i really am not ready to talk to you because in reality, you did treat me poorly. I think you misinterpreted alot of the things i said. Obviously all feelings we had for each other are gone, and you clearly show that through your words. And honestly what was the reason you contacted me? No response. Do you think that was a good move to do that? To show that i am trying to be civil?
wilsonx Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Nope, you can't reason logically with exs. I'm in that fight now but i haven't broken NC yet and with your post, I definitely won't now, just move on
Mack05 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Jonny leave it go! No good can come of texting her/emailing her/calling her/checking Facebook. Leave her go and start your healing. If she contacts you, just ignore it..
radiodarcy Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I texted her back this morning. Although i dont agree with anything you said about me, naive, need to grow up, fake, two faced, immature, saying bs to make myself feel better, demanding of stupid things. Youre right, we both did some things wrong in the relationship. Now me doing things to hurt you? thats something i really dont believe ive ever done. I deleted your number because i really am not ready to talk to you because in reality, you did treat me poorly. I think you misinterpreted alot of the things i said. Obviously all feelings we had for each other are gone, and you clearly show that through your words. And honestly what was the reason you contacted me? No response. Do you think that was a good move to do that? To show that i am trying to be civil? honestly, no. i don't think that was a good idea. all you're doing is continuing to stir the pot. now she's going to come back and say something and you're going to feel the need to be civil and say something back; and so forth. clearly neither of you is in any condition to speak to one another. just take Wilson and Mack's advice and leave it alone. if she responds, ignore her.
Author Jonnyy Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 she replied. We actually had a civil convo. Anyways i ended it by saying "i think its best if we dont talk anymore. Although i over you, seeing someone you love fall in love right after leaving you is tough enough and i really dont need to deal with that. So its best if we dont talk. I really dont care if reply was the wrong move, having that civil convo, although it broke NC majorly, it was beneficial to my healing process. Im fully moved on now and have no regrets or guilt. I handled everything in a very professional way and now she knows that i dont want to talk to her. I feel alot beter now
immitable Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 All this via text? Well to be honest, I think your convo might have been different had you left off "Im not going to stoop down to your level and try and start a fight with my ex." IMO you both "attacked" each other and never really receptive to what each other had to say because you both went into defensive mode. When she said you were being immature for not talking/deleting you should have just told her you needed to distance yourself after the breakup. I don't think it's wrong to remain friends with anyone whom you chose to do so as you stated. I don't think there is anything you can do now though, she confirmed that breaking up was the right thing to do and can't be friends. Still don't know the objective of the original text though. I agree, you should have read what she had to say and left it at that, to let it sink in-ya know. This way you made it obvious that you are still emotional about it and in her mind that you haven't changed.
EgoJoe Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Wow, first when I read this I was literally saying to myself, "Ohhh mannnn..." After reading this and the following activity. Goodjob Johnny! You stood your ground, stated your piece logically and then in the end were the bigger man about it while not settling for bull****! Ignore her attempts to contact in the future unless they contain alot more substance. You did good and handled yourself well. NC is about sparing yourself pain and false hope so you can heal. Sometimes sticking up for the principle is the best thing we can do as a man. You've done that and she aquiesced a bit so now you can continue moving on with your head held high. Goodjob buddy I am proud of you!
vsmini Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I suggest going to www.baggagereclaim.com and reading a recent article she wrote about getting the last word with your ex. The two of you both need to read it.
PositiveNegative Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Dude Jon, My ex and I went through a similar exchange of harsh emails and then a followup civil phone covo/texting. I too feel better for having done that stuff and making it clear that we cannot be friends in the near future. I'm sure you are going through the motions right now and there are probably more stuff that you wished you had said to her. I am too. We probably won't ever have complete closure in that way but you seem to have been doing so well lately, I hope this isn't in anyway a set back.
Atlantico Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 All in all, Johnny made an excelent job. I for one thought he should have given way (in the firts message) to his ex lead the conversation, so she could explain the reason for breaking the contact, but that is a mistake we all do when there are hurt feelings and lack of closure. Next time she contacts you let het lead all the conversation, no amunition in your side, let her spill it out, then quietly say...ok bye
Author Jonnyy Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Man reading all these good job posts makes me feel even better! Seriously thanks to all of you for the awesome support. I feel i did the right things and i am extremely proud of myself. Ive never felt more confident about moving on and being over her. PositiveNegative, I seriously think we are like the same person or something. Literally everything that happens to me happens to you and vice versa. Atlantico, i love your advice and will definitely take it. And i know alot of you are beating me up about talking to her, but i really feel it was the best thing for me right now. It gave me closure, it let me get some feelings out, and now i am 100% over her and ready to move on. Sometimes you gotta bend the rules.
Zabs Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 A relationship of any nature cannot be resolved over a text!! Admittedly, you may have your reasons for the way you are feeling but things can be misconstrued so easily on text because they can be ambiguous. I am not privy to your story but from what I read so far, if you do decide to talk, do it using your cakehole instead of your thumb...you might have better luck! Zabs xx
Author Jonnyy Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 The thing is, is that she is with someone else now, and has been since day one of the breakup. She is also the one that chose to talk over text, not me. All i said was that i didnt want to talk to her because i know that the only reason she wanted to talk was to yell at me and start a fight. Is that really so wrong? I really dont understand what i did wrong here? I defended myself, is that wrong? Obviously it didnt go over as well as i wanted, and she said some very harsh untruthful things about me, yet im the one at fault here? Are you kidding me LS? Of course i know that things can be misunderstood through text, but did i really have a choice? The breakup is still relatively fresh, about 2 months, so obviously im still gonna be a little hurt and i know that next time contact is made that i will be more healed and will be able to have a civil convo with her as long as she does the same. I also was only standing up for myself. Earlier in the breakup she controlled me. I basically tended to her every will and i was a doormat. I didnt want to be one this time. So please LS, tell me what i did wrong
Atlantico Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 A relationship of any nature cannot be resolved over a text!! Hummm not quite so, texting , emailing , writing a letter are known and tested methods to convey emotional information with maximized objectivity and lesser drama because you can re-think your sentences and use the back-space or delete which you CAN´T do, once the words are out of your mouth. I can easely foresee that if Jonhy would have had a conversaton instead of texting things would easely told that weren´t meant etc etc....we all know what I am talking about
Recommended Posts