The guy that never makes a firm date - suggestions for a good punchy comeback?

[USMCHokie]

What kind of men are you used to dating KathyM ?

 

If you have run into more than one guy that acts that way about setting times/dates for first dates then maybe you should calibrate your people picker..

 

The normal guy dating who is interested in a woman may act aloof but acting not interested and playing games isn't the way guys do it, especially when the woman is already asking to make a date.

 

I attribute this behavior to PUA-like tactics in the hands of clueless men...

[USMCHokie]

I assure you that most women do not seek out men who have their potential dates waiting around all weekend to see if they have plans or not.

 

Of course not. But it's the "effectiveness" of PUA-like behavior that makes these guys incorrectly apply the methods thinking they are being a challenge to women when in reality they are just being inconsiderate.

 

Or the dude could simply be an individual of poor character.

[KathyM]

Regardless if they're clueless or self-absorbed, they have no excuse for treating a woman poorly.

The problem is, some men don't realize that they are treating a woman poorly by doing that. They think as long as they indicate in advance that they want to see you over the weekend, that you should plan on seeing him and be flexible about the day, time and place. Unfortunately, there are clueless men around who don't see the problem with this kind of behavior, so they need to be trained (assuming they have other redeeming qualities that make them worth training).

[2sunny]

IF he ever asks - which seems like he won't - simply respond with "you need to ask ahead, i've already made other plans"

 

stay busy.

[USMCHokie]

The problem is, some men don't realize that they are treating a woman poorly by doing that. They think as long as they indicate in advance that they want to see you over the weekend, that you should plan on seeing him and be flexible about the day, time and place. Unfortunately, there are clueless men around who don't see the problem with this kind of behavior, so they need to be trained (assuming they have other redeeming qualities that make them worth training).

 

This just suggests a fundamental character flaw...you don't train inconsideration and selfishness out of people. It will always come out in other ways.

[KathyM]

What kind of men are you used to dating KathyM ?

 

If you have run into more than one guy that acts that way about setting times/dates for first dates then maybe you should calibrate your people picker..

 

The normal guy dating who is interested in a woman may act aloof but acting not interested and playing games isn't the way guys do it, especially when the woman is already asking to make a date.

I'm a married woman, but I hear every day all the trials and issues my sister has with the guys she is dating or has been contacted by. There have been a few that seem like great guys, but think it's OK to call last minute for a date. Quite a few are like that, actually. In fact, one was a really nice guy in every way, and she was very infatuated with him, and dated him for three months, but he seemed to think that by saying early in the week that he'd like to get together over the weekend, that she would somehow be able to plan on that and be ready to go somewhere with just a few hours' notice. Rather than communicating her expectations or problems with that, she dumped him. It was too bad. He was a really nice guy who was the best man she had ever dated. Seems like communication about expectations would have saved that relationship. It was worth a try. I believe in communicating expectations and not dropping a guy who is otherwise a really nice guy or shows a lot of potential. Some guys just need to be trained, or retrained. The same is true of husbands. I've been married many years, but still need to occasionally "train" the spouse on certain things or on how I expect to be treated. This case may not be a case in game playing, or cheating, or keeping his options open. He may just be clueless, and if he has other redeeming qualities, I'd suggest communicating your expectations, and if he complies, then it's all good. If, after communicating the deadline for making weekend plans, he still is too slow, then that would be a dealbreaker.

[KathyM]

This just suggests a fundamental character flaw...you don't train inconsideration and selfishness out of people. It will always come out in other ways.

I would consider it a character flaw if, after communicating expectations, the situation did not change.

[sayitasitis]

All your comments make sense, whether I give an "angry-sounding" comeback or play it cool or throw it back at this game-playing idiot.

 

KathyM, this guy is in his 40s so I guess there's more than one issue here. While I get your point that there are different peas in a pod and this one could need some training, I don't have the patience to be the one having to teach him for his benefit. If it were my husband and he exibited some flaw during the marriage (which isn't an immediate deal breaker), I would let him know and help him "improve."

 

Anyway, hopefully the guy does come back and ask because I would really like to have the last word here. I don't even know why I hadn't put my foot down earlier. I've just gone along with it, albeit I already wasn't interested. I guess I was too "happy" whenever he couldn't make it to be angry and tell him off.

[sayitasitis]

So I found out that the said guy took down his profile.

 

He suggested meeting up this weekend and now he's taken it down.

 

I'll never get to use those lines on him!