Yeahsussu Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 My boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me in January this year. Since then we haven´t seen each other but we´ve had contact via texts. We both know we can only be friends even thought it took a long time to get over the fact that I wont be with him again. Two weeks ago he all of a sudden stopped texting me. He hasn´t answered my texts or anything at all. I just find it so rude. I just asked him how he´s doing and we both like the same type of music so I just gave him a few tips on new songs etc and asked if he´s been listening to this and that. Just random chit chat basically. No reply. Sent him a text one week later to ask whereabout he´s travelling (he´s on short holiday). No reply. Anyway, I´m pretty sure he´s seeing someone else now, a girl he had something going on with before we got together. It kinda hurts, but I would say im quite cool with it. I just find it rude that he won´t even talk to me now, without any explanation?! He´s really close with his other ex so I don´t understand why it would be so hard to stay in touch with me? After everything i´ve done for him I would say I deserve better. I´m not trying to get him back, I just wanna stay in touch with him (we live on opposite sides of the world). But maybe I should just let it go? I´m at that point now when I sort of can wish him well (a few months ago I wished he would suffer forever, haha), so I think I´m going in the right direction. I´m still a bit bitter but hopefully it will go away soon. It just bugs me that he acts like a total jerk, I really thought he was more than that. Any ideas of why they all of a sudden stop talking to you?! I mean, what´s his problem?
mike111 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Any ideas of why they all of a sudden stop talking to you?! I mean, what´s his problem? Jail? Locked in nut ward? Death? Or maybe his computer quit working?
jyoun Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Maybe he is trying to get over you and taking the advice here with No Contact?
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Jail? Locked in nut ward? Death? Or maybe his computer quit working? Nahh, I wouldn´t think so He´s got a bit of an arrogant attitude.. unfortunately. I realize that.
mike111 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Nahh, I wouldn´t think so He´s got a bit of an arrogant attitude.. unfortunately. I realize that. Okay.....well how about, on vacation?
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Maybe he is trying to get over you and taking the advice here with No Contact? Maybe. In his texts he has still called me darling and babe etc. I´ve kinda enjoyed it, even though I know it´s "wrong". I can´t help feel that he wants to eat the cake and still have it. Previously he´s had things going on with other girls while together with someone. So basically he´s a bit of a player. And why I still wanna stay in touch with him I don´t really know, but it would hurt loosing him as a friend.
karmaqueen Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 It looks like you've done what you can- just try to leave it now and stop worrying. If his phone or computer has stopped working, he will get in touch with you at some point. If he doesn't, then I guess it's because of his new partner. Try not to fret! Easier said than done, I know.
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Okay.....well how about, on vacation? He is on "holiday" at the moment, visiting his grandma in the big city. That´s what he said. But his other "girlfriend" lives in the same city so he´s probably busy having sex with her...
mike111 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 He is on "holiday" at the moment, visiting his grandma in the big city. That´s what he said. But his other "girlfriend" lives in the same city so he´s probably busy having sex with her... Isn't odd how sometimes our mind leads us to believe the worst? But someone else mentioned the NO CONTACT rule. Maybe it's time to consider that, if you two have no hope in getting back together? Just a thought.
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Isn't odd how sometimes our mind leads us to believe the worst? But someone else mentioned the NO CONTACT rule. Maybe it's time to consider that, if you two have no hope in getting back together? Just a thought. Yes, I understand. But why wouldn´t we be able to stay in contact as friends? We both know we can´t be together because of the distance, and I really want him in my life as a friend, cause he is important to me. But if he keeps on acting like an idiot I think I just need to drop it. I KNOW he´s seeing this other girl, but hey, when him and I were together we hang out quite a lot with his ex, so why would this be any different? Maybe he´s having NC cause he wants to fully get over me. Maybe he´s not replying to my texts because he doesn´t want anything to do with me anymore (but an explanation from him would be nice!!) because of his new date. There´s no point asking him either cause he doesn´t reply to anything I say. He treats me like air.
Thieves Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Hey, Yeahsussu! Hope you're doing well tonight. Hm... Alright, so I've read through your posts, and here are my thoughts. You say he's important to you, so you still want him as a friend. Well, think about what you look for in a good friend. I doubt you'll come up with: Ignores you for two weeks, basically acts like a jerk, and treats you like air. He's important to you, but are you important to him too? You feel you're not. Doesn't sound like a good friendship, does it? Secondly, I know it may hurt to hear it, but it's true. You are no longer his girlfriend. You do not get total first priority with him when it comes to relationships anymore. I know that it may make sense to try and stay friends with an ex if things just didn't work out. Especially if the guy did so with other ex's. But I know from experience that as a woman, sometimes it's easy for us to get bitter/jealous when we don't have all of the ex's attention like we used to when we were dating them. But that's just how it goes. You're not his girlfriend, and he's with someone else, so naturally he's going to be a bit different now. Plus, he's on vacay, so maybe he just doesn't feel like answering anybody right now. But none of that gives him the excuse to act like a jerky friend either. So in my opinion, you should stop trying to contact him for a while. No use trying to figure out why, you're not with him or responsibile for him anymore. Let it be (go Beatles ), and try to move on completely from that little bitterness you still have left.
mike111 Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) Yes, I understand. But why wouldn´t we be able to stay in contact as friends? Because it often just doesn't work that way. The human touch (physical contact, or voice, or visual) is like a drug for us. It releases the happy endorphins that make us feel warm and secure inside. And it gets worse when the man or woman we are attached to releases those happy endorphins for us, even if they are the "enemy", so to speak. We might become like guinea pigs pushing a pedal in a research experiment lab, to get the drugs we need to sooth ourselves. Crude analogy, I know. But maybe look at it. The longer you stay away from "the drug" (in this case a human being) the better off you might be. I am just saying... Also, I KNOW, it's hard to quit "the drug". But it is doable. See how it goes. And be well. mike Edited October 8, 2011 by mike111
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Thieves, thank you for your post. It made me think about how silly i am, really. Trying to stay in touch with someone I thought was the man of my life, even though he still treats me like crap. I guess it´s the "let go" part that I don´t really get, even though it´s been 9 months since our break up. I´m not gonna contact him now for a while, if he wants anything, he can get in touch with me. This is gonna be hard, cause we havent´really done the NC thing at all after our break up. But I will try my best. And I will work on that bitterness that i still have left...
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Hahaha.. after a few weeks of silence he answered my text today! He apologized for not getting back to me earlier... "I´ve been busy", he said. Yeah, busy with the new girl! Funny how he still cannot admit that he´s seeing someone..
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