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Second chances are even fewer and farther between than you think

othersideofthepillow

By othersideofthepillow
in Second Chances

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othersideofthepillow Established Member

othersideofthepillow

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To everyone out there hoping that they will get a second chance, please do not hold much to that idea cause as much as you still might care - the other person left you and chances are you will not get them back and they dont want to come back. They do come back SOMETIMES, but that is VERY VERY RARE.

 

If your ex wants to remain friends - dont

If your ex still text/calls you and wants you to be their for them - dont

If your ex tells you the miss you - dont believe it

If your ex makes plans to get together, cancels and then doesn't apologize with sincerity - dont

If your ex says the realize they pushed you away and messed up but doesnt make any actual progress besides words - dont believe them

 

I know a lot of you might be thinking that I am looking at "Second Chances" with only expecting to be let down, I'm not. In fact quite the opposite. In actuality I wanted nothing more than for my ex and I to have a second chance together, and I was hopeful that the things I did would prove that I wanted to start fresh but in the end all it came out to be was empty words.

 

My ex even told me that she didn't think that I was making a effort for us to reunite even though every time I suggested we get together and talk she was either to busy or canceled on me the last minute.

 

I still love my ex deeply and am extremely hurt that she is gone from my life. I still live in the place we lived together and worst of all I have the dog that we got together. I love my dog to death, but it is a constant reminder of her and what used to be.

 

Please, everyone out there that has been dumped/dumper and your ex isn't doing everything in their power to be back together - DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME. I HAVE BEEN THRU SO MUCH PAIN DEALING WITH MY EX ALL FOR NOT. JUST TO BE LEFT WITH EMPTINESS AND SORROW.

 

For those of you who are getting the ex that is doing everything in their power to get you back/get your ex back - I APPLAUD YOU AND PLEASE ENSURE YOU DO NOT PLAY WITH THEIR EMOTIONS ANYMORE AND DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO SHOW THEM IT WILL WORK.

Edited by othersideofthepillow
SimonSerenade Established Member

SimonSerenade

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You got a good point there my friend, I tried desperately to get my ex back when she left me and the one thing that kept me going was the idea she would turn around some day and tell me everything I wanted to hear and we'd one day be together but that idea pretty much got flushed down the toilet, learnt a lot about myself and about certain people in the world, I doubt I'd ever take her back now even if she begged, she treated me poorly, left me in sequences before the big and final exit and I don't want her after other people have had her lol sooner just have a fresh start with somebody more mature and deserving of me.

 

I hold no bad feelings towards her anymore, it's been a long time, I too had a pet with my ex, she left her fat stupid cat with me, he's lovely but fat and stupid is what she was so I know how you feel when you look at your pet and I too live in the same place me and my ex first had together, pretty hard sometimes as the memories just come to life when you least expect it and I geuss it would be hard to forget somebody when there all around you still, I still have feelings for my ex... not really sure if it's love anymore mind but there'll always be something there for her.

 

I sincerely hope a reconciliation happens for a lot of people, I just hope these people think it through good and proper and keep there pride in tact before making rash decisions :)

Thieves Established Member

Thieves

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First of all...

I hold no bad feelings towards her anymore, it's been a long time, I too had a pet with my ex, she left her fat stupid cat with me, he's lovely but fat and stupid is what she was so I know how you feel when you look at your pet and I too live in the same place me and my ex first had together

 

:laugh:

 

If your ex wants to remain friends - dont

If your ex still text/calls you and wants you to be their for them - dont

If your ex tells you the miss you - dont believe it

If your ex makes plans to get together, cancels and then doesn't apologize with sincerity - dont

If your ex says the realize they pushed you away and messed up but doesnt make any actual progress besides words - dont believe them

 

And I agree 100%. I've come so far from where I was months ago, from missing 'him' 24/7 and wondering what I said wrong, what I did wrong, what I could do to fix it... to being glad that it all happened. It's allowed me to grow stronger. And in reality, he's the one that left me. Plus, when I thought I had a second chance, he told me he 'sort of' met someone else where he works.

 

So fast forward a few months, and you have him saying he missed me so much, didn't want me to go 'silent' on him again, etc. Just being quite lovey dovey. Being the person I was then, I fell for it. And guess what I also found out? That he was no longer seeing his girlfriend. Or wasn't at the time, but would later on. How convenient. :rolleyes: Don't know WHY I stuck around after that.

 

Him and his girlfriend weren't sure if they could be together. So every time we talked, it was either hot or cold from him. Whenever he'd become distant, I assumed things were good again with his girlfriend. When they weren't, he'd be affectionate again. Sad, huh? But I still thought he'd want to give us a second chance.

 

But during one last conversation, I finally realized he was saying he missed me, really wanted to talk to me... but wasn't acting like it. All talk, no effort. Inconsistent actions.

 

So enough was enough, went NC 8 months ago. Best thing I ever did. I don't wish him ill, and hope his life goes well. But now I can firmly say I don't care all that much if I hear from him, and I doubt I'd feel like taking him back if he were to come back. I've come too far from that to just go back.

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othersideofthepillow Established Member

othersideofthepillow

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I finally realized he was saying he missed me, really wanted to talk to me... but wasn't acting like it. All talk, no effort. Inconsistent actions.

 

 

I couldnt agree more with this - its really come to light to me how many people out there are so selfish. selfish for walking away rather than working things out, selfish for not giving you time to morn the loss of the relationship properly & selfish for using you as a emotional safety net just until they find someone else so they never have to feel alone as they have made you feel.

 

i know that in the end you should always try and be happy - but that doesnt give people the right to just walk all over peoples hearts.

 

 

I received a text at 1 am from my ex stating that she was starting her life over and is doing it with someone else and that we won't talk anymore. I find the last part of not talking anymore quite something because since the spilt 3 months ago see has said these things before and flip flopped, i have told her not to contact me and she does. I had told her to stop playing games and she still played.

 

When i rolled over and saw the text a few hours ago, it hurt me a lot. but i deleted it and went back to sleep.

 

looking back, i've realized something, i'm still in love with the old version of my ex. the one that was caring, thoughtful, loving & devoted. i am not in love with the new version of my ex and that is what i need to constantly remind myself of. its def hard to forget all the fun, good times that were shared but that person isn't just not my girlfriend anymore - that person is gone ENTIRELY.

 

im starting to feel like everything really does happen for a reason. my family members have also had bad ex's that have treated them poorly but you know what - one is now engaged to the man that is perfectly suited for her, and the other is completely happy with the woman he is sharing his life with and will certainly be tying the knot sometime soon as well.

 

we all wish that we wouldnt have heart break in our lives, be that couple that meets when theyre young and than stays together forever, but in reality those are extremely rare and are the exception rather than the rule.

 

i know that the woman of my dreams is out there and once i find her it will make everything i thought was so great in the past look like peanuts.

Coupedriver Established Member

Coupedriver

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They do come back SOMETIMES, but that is VERY VERY RARE.

 

 

How do you know..? I mean look how few people post of here...think about the MILLIONS and millions of people who don't know of this site or don't have the internet.

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othersideofthepillow Established Member

othersideofthepillow

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They do come back SOMETIMES, but that is VERY VERY RARE.

 

 

How do you know..? I mean look how few people post of here...think about the MILLIONS and millions of people who don't know of this site or don't have the internet.

 

 

what i mean is the ones that come back and it actually works out and they stay together. i know a lot of people that get back together just to break up again.

Hatu Member

Hatu

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I think your statistics are way off. People getting back together with an EX is extremely common. People are much more likely to date someone they've already been with than with someone know.

 

Constantly all over the world ex's are hooking back up. Of course eventually some of them are going to break up. But that's no different than dating someone new. Young people constantly break up and find someone new - rinse and repeat.

 

I know lots of people who have dated before who date again.

 

But what you're trying to prove makes no sense to me because what's the difference in you dating a girl for 2 months and breaking up and you dating your ex for 2 months and breaking up.

 

Nowadays people test the waters with more people than ever in the history of humanity.

 

Dating is a constant cycle of getting rid of the bad one's until you find a good one. To put it simply.

 

I have personally dated an ex and yes we did eventually break up but we were smooth sailing for a very long time before we broke up again.

 

People are much more comfortable with settling down with an ex because relationships are all about feeling secure, being comfortable and knowing that partner.

 

It's much harder to start with someone new because everything is unknown. It's easier to sign up with an ex who you already know and those unknown's are practically answered before you're even dating again officially.

 

On top of that, these days many people are reluctant to start back at Day 1 with a new person. Especially after a serious relationship. I see so many of my friends get out of long-term relationships only to follow their breakup with months/years of new prospects who develop into nothing concrete.

Coupedriver Established Member

Coupedriver

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Thank you Hatu...!! This is kinda the point I was making,but to come here in Second Chances and post something SO negative "othersideofthepillow" seems pretty heartless.Just maybe because your second chance didn't happen doesn't mean it wont happen to/for someone else....I thought this section was meant for help...NOT to DRAG the person looking for help make it all seem hopeless....

EgoJoe Established Member

EgoJoe

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Maturity and knowledge has alot to do with lasting reconciliations.

antz2411 Established Member

antz2411

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Maturity and knowledge has alot to do with lasting reconciliations.

 

yessir! couldn't agree with you more.

Thieves Established Member

Thieves

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Constantly all over the world ex's are hooking back up. Of course eventually some of them are going to break up. But that's no different than dating someone new. Young people constantly break up and find someone new - rinse and repeat.

 

It is different. Most of the time with the ex, it's not going to be all that different. Sure, it might be for a little while, but then... you said yourself, people slide back into what they're most comfortable with. That goes for the good things and the bad things in a relationship.

 

Also, I think 'hooking up' is a bit different than dating. Some people define that as friends with benefits, or a non-committed relationship. Anyone can 'hook back up' with their ex. It takes no effort. But dating them and making a lasting, meaningful commitment with them again? Well, that might not be as good.

 

But what you're trying to prove makes no sense to me because what's the difference in you dating a girl for 2 months and breaking up and you dating your ex for 2 months and breaking up.

 

The difference is that with a new person, you don't actually know them at all yet. You don't know their quirks, their good side, bad side, faults, how you interact. The difference with the ex is you know this person on some level, so you know all this. And while that may seem 'comforting' at first, it also means you know a lot of the faults and habits about them that most likely led to the break up in the first place.

 

The difference is most people assume that these things have changed at all, or just don't work on them. The difference is that the two months spent with the ex could be in vain, since you likely knew what you were going to get anyway. That is the difference.

 

It's much harder to start with someone new because everything is unknown. It's easier to sign up with an ex who you already know and those unknown's are practically answered before you're even dating again officially.

 

So basically, people are being a bit too lazy to actually go out there and start something with someone they don't know who could be better for them.

 

I hear it all the time. A couple gets back together again and breaks up because of the very same problem. "Things were good again for a while, but...". And many of the couples are blind to this, hoping to get a second chance with their ex without truly fixing the problems that broke them up before.

 

On top of that, these days many people are reluctant to start back at Day 1 with a new person.

 

I kind of tie this into laziness. What else is it? God forbid a person would actually have to put themself out there in the world to people they don't know (big gasp here) in order to find someone that they connect with. Yes, it's crazy, but dating can take some time and work just like anything else.

 

I'm not against second chances, people should do what they feel is right for them, but I'm only saying why they most likely will not truly last.

Edited by Thieves
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othersideofthepillow Established Member

othersideofthepillow

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I think what i posted is getting misunderstood.

 

What i posted was meant to be a insight for those who might be experiencing things that are being mixed signals that are being given out by a ex that the dumpee wants to get back with.

 

I know that getting back together is indeed more common, but what i was addressing is the getting back together AND STAYING TOGETHER.

 

I dont know anyone who wants to get back together only to end up failing again.

 

@coupledriver - what i posted was not to be SO negative or a drag, but simply some signs that people might be experiencing with there ex's. there are tons of posts here where people want to know "whats going on" or "mixed signals", things along those guidelines. what i posted was simply something that can be used as information for someone who might be experiencing things that i came across. and yes, just because mine didnt indeed happen doesnt mean that it wont for others. but again it was merely posted for those who are having the same "mixed signal - head scratching situations" that i experienced. and also i have noticed that a lot of things on here start off with people asking things wondering if they are getting a second chance and a lot of posters tell them to move and and just get over there ex. im simply letting people know some of the signs that i got that turned out wasting my time and only hurt more.

 

it was clearly meant to be a help if some people were just as confused as i was - not to bring people down.

 

come on everyone, hearing the bad as well as the good in second chances is just as helpful to the ones wishing/hoping for a second chance.

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