Eoweniel Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) I'll try to make this story as short yet as descriptive as possible. I apologize if it's too long. I met my guy via an online game, it took us about a week to admit the feelings towards one another and the "I love you"'s came pretty fast after. It was all genuine, it was all wonderful. Throughout ALL this time we literally spent almost all our time together online since we weren't yet able to meet. For the next 3-4 months, atleast from my perspective it was a wonderful time though, we had a lot of fun but we also had a lot of arguments, petty stuff mostly from my end like why he has to listen to music while talking to me on skype etcetera. I guess when you find someone so perfect for you (yes he was everything I wanted) and spending so much time together, whenever I got irritated I couldn't stop myself so I took it out on him. I was kind of mean to him on occasions but he always returned it, and we apologized and it was fine. We were literally perfectly in sync with one another, both very emotional but quick to settle with our emotions. He was EVERYTHING I ever wanted in a man, and pretty early on there was a lot of talk about marriage and kids, and how he wanted to move to me. And lord was he handsome... I want to add something here, it was NEVER about him using me for sex or money or any of that sort... He specifically wanted to hold off on webcams etc because he felt it would be more personal in real life, and he bought me gifts. He was very caring and giving. So those theories of him using me temporarily are out the window. Around august he booked the tickets to come see me in december (we couldn't find any earlier dates due to the prices) and it just felt like the rest of our lives together had begun, and now it was a mere wait til christmas so to say. But the arguments started increasing... one particular incident occurred in which I questioned something he left a little vague about his past, and eventually it got to him because he was angry that I didn't seem to trust him, when I should have. So he dumped me around early september maybe 10 days in. I begged for forgiveness and I understood that I should just trust him and not be so hard on him and at first he didn't want to hear me out. He didn't want to for a couple of days but then accepted that he could try being my friend since he missed me a lot too, to see if we can re-establish something again. A week later things seemed back to normal and we became a happy couple again. But I noticed he just became more irritable towards me, at times VERY cruel towards me and saying derogatory things, at first claiming that I wasn't being my old "strongly opinionated, fiery woman"-self and that he did it on purpose to spark a reaction. Later on maybe a week or so after, things seemed to settle again. We were having fun and happy and he kept saying I was perfect and talked fondly about marriage again... I mean sure I ask a lot of questions but he had always encouraged me to BE kind of "nosy" and that that was a huge reason to why he fell in love with me because it showed I cared. So one time when a friend called him and he refused to say it was about, I got a little pushy on the subject (mind, this is ONLY because he had of own free will always CHOSEN to always tell me everything so ofcourse something that derives from this will look strange)... and well in the end I found out what it was about (Not important), and I merely tried to explain to him why I did what I did, simply because I felt he was acting out of character. When the hell broke loose... He said that I was too nosy and all of a sudden a trait that he HATED, and said I was a too complicated woman and that things needed to be simple sometimes (mind, nosy and complicated is 2 traits he had initially greatly pushed and claimed were very desireable traits). And I said I understood and that I'd take it into consideration, and apologized to him. I also mentioned that I just did what he asked me to do, to be my old assertive, fiery self and always question things if I have a question. But just out of the blue he decided that he no longer has any feelings for me and that I should pretty much just "go **** myself". He told me he no longer knew who I was (?). At first he seemed willing to atleast not break up and give it a day to settle, during which I was nice and loving to him, tried to be my good-natured self. But the next morning I noticed he had deleted the toons in the game, blocked me on facebook, skype, probably changed his phone number and all that. This happened monday, so I spent monday and tuesday in agonizing heart-ache and just an all around horrible state. Wednesday I tried to send him an e-mail, apologizing yet again and explaining that since we were both very lonely, it'd be good for us to atleast have one another as friends since we're going through a rough patch in our lives atm, and I essentially begged him to just be my friend, to which he responded that I should never message him again, and that he'll never forget me and said bye. I just don't know what the heck to do... I keep crying non-stop every day, switching from very emotional to apathetic, I truly feel this is something nothing short of a BIG mistake and that this isn't how it was supposed to go. We were always perfect for another, spoke of how we were soulmates and he really wanted to move to me after the aforementioned visit in december so we had actually made PLANS involving a lot of money. At the same time... it kind of bothers me that all these supposedly strong feelings can just pass him like that, in the wink of a tiny pointless "argument" that wasn't even an argument. But I DO know he's a guy whose thoughts and feelings are entirely governed by his emotions. Please tell me what you think. Do you think he may never truly have loved me? Do you think I am the one solely responsible for this? I already feel like **** so be easy on me :/ And I already admitted to my mistakes and that I should pick my battles better and ignore the petty crap... Do you think he may have gotten cold feet and just entirely backed out? Do you think he's mentally unstable? Do you think he just needs some more time? What can I do, if anything? I desperately want him back, I can't get him out of my mind. We've spent almost every day together (online, talking and gaming etc, having a blast) for the past almost 5 months and I miss him dearly. I am willing to just try to be a friend for now and give him the time it takes, and not pressure him or even TELL him that I have an agenda of someday being more than friends...But he doesn't want this yet. Should I just wait and be more persistent in time about asking to be friends? or is there a risk that the longer I wait, the more opposed he'll be to the idea of talking to me again? And how long should I wait? Just.. help me get the love of my life back somehow, please. Edited October 7, 2011 by Eoweniel
noel2 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I say run for the hills. He seems verbally abusive at the least, imagine what he may physically do if you question him and it pisses him off. I've done the online dating thing and had a similar thing happen and when it was time to actually meet, he started to pick fights. I found out later that he wasn't even the guy in the pic, in fact, he wanted me to send him naughty pics but didn't want to return the favor. Long story short, he was a scam artist, they draw you in, get you attached and then they pounce. Just be careful, please!
LoveNoob Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Wow, at first i thought it was my ex-girlfriend posting here as i met her the same way, including all the i-love-you's, considering each other soulmates, etc, etc. Sadly she broke up with me insted because of her issues etc For you, well if small arguments and circumstances can cause him to give up so easily and be cruel to you, id say he has issues and is emotionally unstable. Everyone does bad stuff, and you were mean sometimes but then apoligised and made up for it so then i think you shouldnt beat yourself up for it. Of course, it should be something you should work on, no offense. I disagree that you are 100% responsible for this. When i was in a relationship with my ex, i was very paranoid and nosy, its natural to be that since people are so so good at lying and decieving, and online it becomes even easier, and she was secretive about her life sometimes. Getting cold feet is one thing, but this guy was just acting like an ******* from what you mentioned. Owh btw, which online game was it? WoW? i met my ex-GF on that game, on the european Arathor server. (Playing a character named Troubs and Revick, who knows, maybe we ran into each other some time ago haha.)
Author Eoweniel Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Noel: Thankyou for the warnings but I've seen several pics of him, new and old, and it's definitely that guy. And again, it wasn't ever about sex, in fact I was the one who pushed it and he didn't want to do the webcam thing or naughty pics because he wanted to wait til we were in person. LoveNoob: Yes, WoW. I'm actually from Europe but I play on US servers... If I hadn't spent 5 years on US servers and established such an amazing set of characters with many difficult feats and rare pets and mounts, I'd go EU. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? :wink:
LoveNoob Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) LoveNoob: Yes, WoW. I'm actually from Europe but I play on US servers... If I hadn't spent 5 years on US servers and established such an amazing set of characters with many difficult feats and rare pets and mounts, I'd go EU. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? :wink: Aaah, i know a few people who tweaked the realmlist to play on the US server, i was wondering if you had done the same. I dont think it's possible normally right, because Blizzard blocks that? I spent 5 years playing on Arathor-EU, havent played a while, just idling and talking to people...most expensive chat program in history... And i recently turned 28, i dont mind people asking....it does make me feel old though! i only feel like im just 22 or something. If you like you can drop me a PM on loveshack if you'd like to get in contact to share experiences in dating people from WoW and getting dumped by them etc. Your situation echos mine in many ways, it kinda helps to know i'm not the only one...sounds kinda weird maybe.. Edited October 7, 2011 by LoveNoob
Author Eoweniel Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Nah it's not weird, I'd love to do so. Unfortunately I need yet another 16-ish posts to become an established member to allow me to use PMs. -_- Btw, thanks for your advice too.
LoveNoob Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) Nah it's not weird, I'd love to do so. Unfortunately I need yet another 16-ish posts to become an established member to allow me to use PMs. -_- Btw, thanks for your advice too. Sounds like you have more spamming to do...then again that might make you a less "established" and more "banned" member. Ah, the choices in life we have to make. EDIT: Or you can mail my junk mail adres: [email protected] Edited October 7, 2011 by LoveNoob
Eddie Edirol Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Eoweniel, it sounds to me like he gave you alot of lip service. I highly doubt that if he was truly into you (genuinely) that he couldnt come to some sort of compromise if your questions actually bothered him. Youre not going to like this, but I think that since he flew to see you, and didnt want to web chat, he had a gf or wife at home. On this board we see men who find ways to avoid contact with their mistresses. Men that wont talk on the phone, only see their women certain days, anything that is severe limitations in contact. He made you think he was genuine and then found a dicy reason to break it off, he wasnt being real with you, although he was a good actor.
Author Eoweniel Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 No, there was nothing like that. We literally spent ALL DAY, EVERY DAY together online for almost 5 months. And when he had to run an errand he'd always text me. His very few friends all knew about me. And he lives with his mom who on many occasions has said hi to me via voice chat. There was nothing fishy going on there. We woke up at the same time, went to bed at the same time. I know it's insane but time flew so so fast with one another...we had so much fun.
LoveNoob Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I did the same with my last GF, we were glued to the screen because of each other, and her issues/phobias made it difficult for her to reveal herself the first weeks/months. Paranoia of course got pretty high, especially because around that time a female online friend of mine actually turned out to be a guy, doh! But seeing her friends and family and talking with them helped with paranoia until she was able to proof that she was who she claimed to be and i was able to continue the relationship with her. In your case i think it is more likely he got cold feet about meeting and showing the real life version of himself, or he actually found another girl closer to home, or he has mental stability issues. Reading about the webcam hold off makes me think of a nasty possibility though :S My ex-GF had an incident with meeting someone from the internet which almost ended really badly, and it also involved someone holding off webcams. Details id rather not say in public, but i can tell you when you are able to use PM's or e-mail me on my trash mail address in my last post so i can add you to my real MSN for PM or w/e.
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