tomm Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 hi i read a lot of posts in here yes because i'm suffering a loss .i was or basically am a dumpee ,got big time false hopes after being dumpped,got the we're ''friends'' speech like soo many others . i got 2 things i'm wondering about now .i'll try to explain them best i can . 1- why is it always said the 'were friends' or the i love you , but not in love with you' speeches always answerd with they are trying to let you down easy ? i mean being dumpped is being dumpped speech or no speech right ,either was it hurts like hell . 2- also i see a lot of answers from others here saying the dumppers behavior or actions make them seem to immature and the ending of the relationship is their loss ? to me clearly the dumpee hurts way more than the dumpper especially if you're getting dumpped for no valid reasons or excuses . my situation i'm home hurting feeling like garbage while me ex of a 4 yr good relationship is out having fun ,is with a new guy acting like nothings wrong ,and like she did nothing wrong by leaving me ,she's said to me time again she's confused k well if your 'confused' and we had 4 good yrs you sit and talk with me ,her being with another and avoiding me like the plague isn't going to make her un confused is it ? sorry this is all new to me i've had relationships before and have been broken up with BUT their was always some type of a reason ,this time their is none and she even says 'i did nothing wrong' it's her and she's confused .WELL if she's 'confused' and finds out what she has now isn't it and i was then i'm sorry but it'll be too late for her with me .our break-up is going on 5 months
wilsonx Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) First off, people are going to give you a couple reasons why this ended the way it did and you can pick your own poison and decide for yourself which one will help you find closure. One of the biggest things that has helped me cope and shoot through this process is the post GIGS in my signature. You are going to read this and be like, holy **** thats my girlfriend to the "T" Then there are the naysayers out there that dont believe in GIGS and they will tell you to find closure within yourself. Its extremely hard if you do not understand. I have termed it emotional immaturity while others have dubbed it egocentrism. All pretty much relate to the same thing. It sucks, we were all in your shoes. This is number 2 for me and it will be my last. I really suggest you read the Grass is greenier thread started by homebrew in my signature and feel free to ask questions. Like you I got the "You were a good boyfriend not a great boyfriend" I still chuckle to this everyday. Once you start separating from her emotionally, you will see the red flags. You definitely should. One of the main things you need to focus on is NC, and this is for you and not your ex. You do not even have to tell her you are doing it but you need to eventually lock it down so that you can move on Edited October 7, 2011 by wilsonx
Feelin Frisky Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Try not to keep reinforcing such negative messages about what happened (like calling yourself "dumped). It didn't work out. Whatever she is doing now is none of your concern. That's another thing to start getting out of your head. It's irrelevant and just gives you reasons to hang on to pain. It's not going to be easy--this always sucks, just try your best not to feed it and start doing some things to define the new you. Good luck.
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