3 months In and feel no better

[Scirok]

Just thought I would make a thread this week I've been broken up with my xgf of 3 years for 3 months now and n/c for 2. Although I'm questioning myself as too why I still am losing it. I'm a grown man and I find my self still crying pretty regularly. I'm just confused as to why I still care why does it still seem like it's making my life misserible. It's like I lost who I was and all my friends and co workers see it in my I was the cheerful could make anyone smile guy now I sit alone in silence cause all that's in my head is her and how she could do what she did.

 

I think just in my head I'm finally realizing she not coming back and she must really love or like this kid she left me for and it kills everytime it was one of those we broke up for something little and he sprung on it if she wasn't alrdy cheating on me. But I've talked to Alot of people and got Alot of advice but the one question I can't seem to find an answer too in my head is why do I want her back and what the F*** I would ever take her back it's just like the quoto I read on this site "I don't miss her I miss who she used to be" I just really need help this week I can't get out of this depression I hate to know how happy she is and how she doesn't know the pain 3 months later I still feel. I just wonder sometimes like Alot of you do to is if I think about her everyday does she think about me or regret what she did once and a while? I'm sure that's the question 90% of the people on here would want to

Know. Any advice would help at this point I havnt felt this down since the first week of NC. When am I going to be myself again and when if my heart going to say enough is enough and stop wishing she was back. I never in my years would I think that a girl could bring a full grown firefighter to his knees I can't handle this pain no more I just want it to stop

[perfectlyflawed459]

first of all i want to commend you for staying true to no contact for two months, believe me i know how hard it is. i know this sounds cliche, but it really does take time for things to get better, and i mean a lot of time. in my situation, my ex and i hated each other and didnt speak for several months, then eventually we crossed paths again and hit it off. you never really know what the future brings you know? she probably does think about you, i mean you were a big part of her life for 3 and a half years. right now, positive thinking is your best friend, trust me. use this time to really focus on yourself, learn some new hobbies, excell in school, better yourself as a person, whatever you choose. that way, if you ever happen to cross paths again, she will see how better off you are doing, plus you will boost your confidence again and such. this is the approach i just started taking with my ex at the moment and i have been on n/c for about a week because things ended up not working out for various reasons. it really has helped me keep my chin up, despite the fact that i miss him so much. best of luck to you, i know its hard, but you are strong and it will get better day by day.

[Scirok]

Thanks you for the advice. It's just growing so hard to deal with this day by day I been seeing a new girl but I find it so hard to fall for her and I ask myself everyday is it because I still love my ex and want her back or is it the fact that maybe me and the new girl are not meant to be it's be. See I don't know cause it's been so long since i fell for another girl. It's just i don't want to lose this girl because there's something i could do to Fix it. And my friends think I'm settling for less cause she's not as pretty as my ex which to me I don't care but now thats in my head I hope this makes sence because I'm on the verge of losing my mind I just don't know what to do anymore it's one thing after another I just don't want to lose another girl because of my stupidity please help

[Sweety90]

Well i've been through somehting similar but we were together for 5 yrs and together since i was 14....so he was a huge part of my life...i dont love him any less...but i may have broke his trust...i didnt cheat on him...i just lied abt talkin to this guy cuz i knew he wudnt have approved...and well he found out and then ppl started saying **** abt me and this other guy and things spun out of control..like i was lying lie on top of lies..but then i came clean and things callmed down..he was back to his usuall self and we were great..but recently i started noticing that he was distant so i told him maybe we shud go on a tiny break...thought it wud make him realise how much he does love me...well it made him hate me for wat i did to him a yr ago..and he basically ended it...we were together for 5 yrs..he proposed to me ...we were engaged...and i used to call his parents mom and dad...we had our kids names picked out...till the last day we were madly in love..and we still are...3 mths after we broke up none of us have the courage to meet up because we know those feelings are just going to come rushing back...but the point of my sotry is ....If u love something let it free and if it comes back to you then it was really yours...so if u guys were rlly meant to be then onee day you guys will be together..till then u may go through a whole lot and trust me i understand the depression..not a minutee goes where i dont think abt him..abt the way we talked...we used to fall asleep talking on the phone evryday...sleeping is rlly hard to come by cuz of that...and its been 3mths..and a week..I honestly thought that 3mhts later this wud be a lot easier...but its not..its the same...but my trick is that i think abt a funny moment we had..like once he told me i cant wait to get my air intake..and i heard i cant wait to get married to u..it brings a smile on my face everytime...I understand that in ur case its different becuase she has moved on and that harder to be ok with....but you cant stop living for her..u rlly have to put in a huge effort to try to move on..the best way is become freinds with a girll..u dont have to date her..just be friends with her..it will rlly help u too see that there are other good hearted ppl out there..i know no matter wat at the end of the day ur going to bed alone and hurt..but it'll get easier one day....hope this helps...

[perfectlyflawed459]

first of all, it is not for your friends to decide if you are settling for less or not, so dont let them discourage you if you think she is a great girl. there is so much more to people than physical appearance. second, maybe you arent quite healed and ready to start dating again. you sound like you are still very hurt about your ex, and you need to give yourself as much time needed in order to properly heal from your break up. i would recommend being friends with this new girl and just hanging out and getting to know each other more. dont feel like you have to be in a rush to fall for her, because that will just stress you out and ruin a potentially good thing. take things very slow, it takes time to develop a good relationship.

[Scirok]

I thank you both for your advice and as hard as it was I cut the string with me and her the issue was she really really liked me and it really hurts me to tell her I can't date her etc because I'm not an ******* I'm one of those rare nice guys with a very large heart unfortunitally my ex destroyed most of it especially if you could see everything I did for her I didn't want to hurt her so I figured I would cut ties now before she gets To close and I hurt her more i just miss my ex too much to date now I can't understand why I miss her still but I might never know it hurts to give that much to

Someone and have her leave me for a drug addict/dealer makes me feel like scum I talked to a few different friends and they agreed I need to "do me and do what makes you happy" and for me crying and begging in my own head everynight and cry is the stage I ques I'm stuck in I just like most have that feeling as this is all a nightmare but it's not.