TooAccepting32 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) Please share some tactics you've observed while trying to discuss with people who are trying to hide motive or agenda! You know, when your partner has done something obviously wrong, and magically the conversation ends up with you talking in circles, feeling like you're crazy for even having the concern, and finally YOU'RE the worst ahole. Here are some examples I've noticed : 1. Exaggerating They exaggerate your reasonable concern so they can claim you're being unreasonable. -"It's been a week since I've seen you" "You want to spend every waking minute together? That's not reasonable" 2. Gaslighting They say that something you know to be true, isn't true. They imply or say you're imagining things -"I didn't just angrily slam all the cupboards, you're imagining things" 3. How dare you/could you They choose to perceive your concern in such a way as to take offense and put you on the defensive. -"How dare you think/accuse me of being unreliable. You should know I'm reliable" (after their behaviour has shown without question that they're unreliable) 4. Yea, well you... They throw something you did at you to change the subject from your concern, and put you on the defensive. "I'd like you to back me up when your friend insults me" "Yea, well, your mother doesn't like me" (It's not that their concern isn't valid, and shouldn't be addressed, it's just that it's being used in this context to control the conversation) What tactics have you noticed? Which ones drive you crazy? Edited October 7, 2011 by TooAccepting32
Dazdnconfuzed Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Dont forget the comparing you to another person. "You did that and I dont like it" - "You are just like my ex you know, always complaining."
sigurpol Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 "I'm just being honest/straight forward/Look, I don't sugar coat things. But you're ______" More often than not, what comes next is usually some sort of ad hominem remark. My saying (if you can call it that) is... if you have to swear/call names/preface your reasoning with, "I'll be honest", you're not really being honest at all. I have yet to talk to anyone who begins a sentence like that and is willing to come to an agreement or to settle on something.
Author TooAccepting32 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Sigurpol, I've heard that one in the form of "I'm just being straightforward."
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