RockGuy87 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 So I wrote another thread on here today but the situation has turned for the worse. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t301119/ Thats my story and I eventually talked to her on the phone after being ignored and for her excuse was being that she didnt know what to say. Bad sign. She told me that she loved me and was in love with me but that we werent just going to work out. Ive heard this before and what is killing me now is that idk if that was true or if thats just trying to let me down easy. I also wonder if that means someone else came along. I just want to know! I know it will hurt worse but damn it better then coming up with different situations in my head. My ex before did this to me and there was another dude. Is there any chance at all that there isnt another dude. We have always had problems and stuff but always worked through it. I was on this site last time this happened and it helped a lot. I know i can heal. I know i can make myself better. I lost almost 80 pounds last time by making myself more happy. Just because running cleared my mind and made me happier. But I think going through this before is what is making it worse. I know how hard it is and how long it takes and im dreading that. At least before I had no idea how long it took. I just wanna know the truth and if there is another guy. Like i said above it would sting but it would help me move on. I believe that if there is even talking to another guy during a break or a break up that there is no going back. With my last ex the day I found out about the new guy, which was the guy she left me for, were finally official it hurt but i took a huge leap forward. My body hurts, im shaking, sick, all the things from a year and a half ago. Why come even though you think it wouldnt work ever, you still want it to. We had our issues and our mistakes on both sides. I guess i thought she would grow out of it eventually. I can only think about the times we smiled, laughed and wrestled around the house. I just wish she wasnt seeing all the bad and me seeing all the right but i guess she has to justify this somehow. Is there any chance there isnt a dude. Need some helpful words and motivation. I dont have me losing weight to motivate me since i already lost it. Ive lost passion for everything. Anyone willing to stay and discuss on here?
Chi townD Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 There might be another dude. She basically gave you the watered down " I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech. Which is classic for a cheater or that she's interested in someone else. The fact that she won't come clean with you or give you definative answers tells me she isn't mature enough to be in a relationship. And do you know what? Her loss!!! Time to go NC with her and heal from this relationship and find a girl that doesn't like to play games with people.
Author RockGuy87 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 I think its harder starting NC then keeping it.
Author RockGuy87 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Im having a really hard time right now. I think it boil downs to I found myself a party girl who wanted to change but deep down will never. She will always miss her old life and she will always have her relapses. How do I fix my problems to were i become too attached to things? I do this with more then just people. I have always gone for a hail mary 1st play of the game and i commint my whole self to someone. They never do it back either, it seems like they always say one thing and think another. I have my issues and i had them in the relationship but thats not why this happened. It did because shes not the lowlife she used to be and for some dumb reason she misses it. The attention, the thrill and all with it.
Author RockGuy87 Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 Im needing to vent. Im hurting bad now. She finally ended it on facebook today and it hurts even though ive been waiting on it. I blocked her also. She is going out again tonight to the state fair with some girls and some guys. I hate to think of her with another dude. I cant stop thinking about that. I can picture me and her hooking up and the crazy sexy times we had, except now its not me there its someone else.
Author RockGuy87 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 Well I still havent heard from her. But i got to thinking. The dumb little fight we had that finally caused this, was my fault. I remember her saying something like, "just think if you wouldnt have said that then we wouldnt be here" and also mentioned numerous times about me getting on my knees and begging for her back. Can anyone help make sense of this and help me out? Please someone give something.
RenoColt Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I'm sorry you're going through this. We all would like closure when a relationship ends, but rarely can we get that from the other person. If the relationship wasn't going well when you were together, it's a bit too optimistic to expect they will relate well to you, giving you what you need, during the break up. Often trying to get closure when a relationship ends is just another way to try and get it going again. The only person that can truly give you closure is yourself. That closure may take the form of finding out through mutual friends if there was another guy, or it may take the form of letting go and accepting it does not matter one way or the other – whatever the reasons, the relationship has ended. I think it's rare that we ever understand all the reasons behind a break-up; I also wonder if it's really necessary. All that's really necessary is that you draw your own lessons from it, and free yourself to live your own life, open to loving again.
Author RockGuy87 Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 So its obviously no reason to do anything?
RenoColt Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 No, I would say you have lots to do. You need to take care of yourself, be accepting of the fact you're hurting, understand you may not have all the answers to why this happened. After this kind of emotional open-heart surgery, a person has only so much energy to deal with life. Instead of using that energy to find out if she had another guy, and then feeling miserable about it one way or another (If she did, then what's wrong with me/If she didn't, begin a new quest to find out why the break-up – a vicious circle). Probably you'll find out eventually one way or another – you always end up hearing things later. Put what energy you have right now into things that make you feel better about yourself, not things that tear you down. Be kind to yourself. That's a lot to do.
TheDovic Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 It's possible there's someone else dude, because she's done this to you before! I've started reading a really helpful book by Howard Halpern called "How to break your addiction to a person." Only a few chapters in but it seems to be good and explains how to let go of relationships with people who aren't good for us, but we can't stop thinking about
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