hershiibar Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Loveshack, I'm new to this, but I need your help, desperately. In 2010, I discreetly began dating the "Big Boss" of my assignment, whom I've known for over 19 years. During business hours....it was all business, non-working hours, WE HAD A BALL, and was always together. It was an amazing time, it was special. We both kinda fell in love with one another, and discussed taking things to the next level. Well............ One night while we were out @ a party, I ran into a gentleman named Doug I had met, and went on (2) dates with, within 3 days, approx 1 1/2 year prior. We spoke, but he couldn't even remember my name since it had been so long since we last spoke. (That confirmed how insignificant things were between us.) He complimented me on my appearance, I said, "thanks" and kept it moving. At the end of the party, my xBF said he wanted to go to an after party with the fellas, but discussed whom house we were staying at. I went home, he called to make sure I arrived home safely. When he told me he was hanging with his "boy" named, Doug, my mouth fell open, and I stated that the world was too small. He asked how I knew him, and i then explained me and Doug's past involvment. At that time, the phone got silent, and my exBF stated he'd call me back, but never did. After a restless night, and no further communication from my xBF, i recieved an email from him stating that we could no longer see each other because i had been intimate with his "boy" Doug, a year &1/2 prior to us, and when he was living with his exGF at the time. I was devastated, and had to look at this man everyday at work, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Approx 2 weeks after our breakup, i discovered that he was already exclusively dating an older woman. When i saw the pic of his new GF on his desk, I asked for a transfer, he denied it. So I suffered everyday for 18 months straight. As of this day, 1 yr and 6 months later, (he's been reassigned) he still confesses his love for me, although he's still with his GF. And, I'm still devestated...and unable to open my heart up for anyone else. I've fallen into a deep state of depression, lack of sleep, procrastination, inability to concentrate, lack of interest outside of house, tardiness and a decline in work productivity. I was, and still am a mess, although I have good days, and bad. I have an appt with a therapist next week, cause I know that this is not healthy, and so unusual for me. So, plz offer your opinion as to why I'm unable to get over this break up 18 months later?
january2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 You weren't able to move on because you saw him every day and he still professes feelings for you. Until those two things change via time and most importantly distance, your healing will be delayed. I agree that professional help should be your route now.
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