I don't know anymore :(

[perfectlyflawed459]

So I will try to be brief...My ex and I broke up 9 months ago, and for much about 4 months him and I hated each other and were rude to each other and stuff. Around August, we ran into each other and started hitting it off again. Eventually he ended up kissing me and we both kind of got lost in the moment and proceeded to do other things. I asked him about it the next week and he said what we did felt more than just physical, that he missed me, that he hasn't come across a girl better than me, and that he wanted to see me more. We had agreed it would be hard to be together since I was entering college and he was still in high school, but we wanted to be close again.

 

So I was very happy because I had missed him so much and was finally glad we were gonna get back on track. However, once school began, it got really hard for us to stay in touch. We made it work for two months, we hung out, he took me shopping with him and wouldnt buy something unless I liked it, we hung out at his house and he was really sweet. He would play piano for me, cook food, and we would just laugh and have fun together. Down the line we did become more physical as well. When we would get physical, he would do sweet gestures like make eye contact, say I am beautiful, and kiss my forehead and stuff. Finally, I became very impatient and we started fighting again because deep down it hurt me that I had him there but wasn't dating him and such. So we had a few arguements, but patched things up. Just last week, I had found out he was seeing another girl, so I confronted him about it and he said it was nothing serious. I asked if he was gonna date her and he said maybe. That completely tore me apart...He said the only thing that made her different was the fact that she had a non-committing attitude and that we just got back into our old routine of fighting and patching things up, like we would do the last month of our relationship. I told him I really wanted to make things work because in my heart, I know things can be better between us, but he said he has turned into an #### and that I shouldn't blame myself because the fights were his fault too. I told him I just wanted him to be happy and that if he liked her he should go for her. He said it wasn't for certain that they would anyway. I told him I still loved and cared about him, and he told me to my face that he didn't believe I truly loved him. That is what hurt me the most, I try to show him that he means a lot and that comment was such a huge slap in the face.

 

After crying all last weekend, I mustered up the courage to go to his house to talk to him. I sat him down and told him I drove all the way over there just to tell him how much he meant to me and that what hurt me the most was the fact that he didn't believe me. After I told him that, he hugged me very tightly and leaned his head against my shoulder, saying he was so sorry for saying that. It almost seemed like he was going to cry even. While he hugged me, he kissed my forehead and then we kissed and then he told me he believed I was going to meet someone better than him in college, and I asked if he really still thought that after all this time. He said yes and that he cares so much about me and that I gave him the best year and a half of his life. So now I am here, wondering what I should do. I love him so much and I know he is good person, its just it is so hard for us to see each other and him and I both have a lot of maturing to do I have realized. Although he hasn't said it, I can feel that he still loves me deep down, and I know I still mean a lot to him. It's just that girl he was also seeing is still in high school so it is easier for him to see her than me.

 

So I would like some opinions on this, I know it is long but I would appreciate it. I almost feel like he feels like he has to let me go, just because of college and such. I want to wait for him in a sense and work on bettering myself and hope that in time, we will be brought back together, but idk