californiasurf Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 My ex said that he'd still be friends with me but he refuses to even look at me. He doesn't even acknowledge my existence.... I just want him to talk to me. And I'm not talking to him first.... any ideas why he's acting like he never knew me at all?
january2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 It suggests that he was not sincere when he said that he'd still be friends with you. I think you now know where you really stand.
Author californiasurf Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 what was your situation,who dumped who etc? He dumped me because he said he didn't feel the same and i accepted it and everything but still i don't get why he's ignoring me. I think he might be scared that I'm gonna try to get back together with him or something but I'm not... i just wanna be friends with him because he is a genuinely good person and he's helped me through a lot
Surfer Girl Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 It is to recent to be friends... Being friends with an ex... sometimes takes years... it is only when you reach indiffence it may happen...
TheDovic Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I'm doing this with my ex at present. She wants to speak to me but I'm treating her with complete indifference and it's really pissing her off. She always initiates contact with me but hasn't in a week now, and I think it's down to how I've been treating her. Now, down to the reasons I'm doing it and why your ex is possibly... it's because I'm hurting, and even though I know my ex isn't good for me the more I see her the more I want to be with her, but know there's too many obstacles. So I'm protecting myself, and maybe your ex is too!
Author californiasurf Posted October 7, 2011 Author Posted October 7, 2011 I'm doing this with my ex at present. She wants to speak to me but I'm treating her with complete indifference and it's really pissing her off. She always initiates contact with me but hasn't in a week now, and I think it's down to how I've been treating her. Now, down to the reasons I'm doing it and why your ex is possibly... it's because I'm hurting, and even though I know my ex isn't good for me the more I see her the more I want to be with her, but know there's too many obstacles. So I'm protecting myself, and maybe your ex is too! but i know it's not because he's hurting because he broke up with me and has moved on and already has a new gf, so i know he doesnt want me and i'm fine with that now, i just want him as a friend but i can't talk to him because i know he won't answer
Zabs Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Now, down to the reasons I'm doing it and why your ex is possibly... it's because I'm hurting, and even though I know my ex isn't good for me the more I see her the more I want to be with her, but know there's too many obstacles. So I'm protecting myself, and maybe your ex is too! Its interesting about the 'why' people do things. In my case I think P is doing the same as you Dovic...but he still can't let go either way. Zabs xx
goldengirl11 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I'm going through a very difficult time too with someone who wasn't strictly my boyfriend. He's disappeared the last month and am getting quite obsessed bout it!!
immitable Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 for how long have you been broken up? - I think there may be numerous reasons, - he's mad at you or the situation (healing sort of), - he's worried you may chase him around since it is obvious you didn't want the breakup, - he wants his time alone with his gf, - his new gf doesn't like him talking to you - he doesn't want to hurt you more--althogh for this one you need a really emotionally stabile and mature person with determination .... and many many more
Sugarkane Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Sometimes dumpers say this but don't actually mean it. Sometimes they just say it to let you down gently.
M2155 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 I think a lot of exes say they want to be freinds, and they truly do want to. But the reality is, it usually doesn't work until a lot of time has passed. The time must pass in order for you both to "forget" (not literally) the old relationship and start a new one. Even if you are friends, you probably can't expect a lot of interaction because as you said, he has a girlfriend and I'm sure he has other friends so you would not get even close to the type of attention you did before. I think you should stop worrying and definitely don't do anything to push friendship. He may have no idea right now how to be friends with someone he used to care about and knows he possibly hurt. Just because he realized it needed to end, doesn't mean it didn't hurt to do it or that he doesn't have feelings that still need time to fade. He just probably doesn't want to be "active" friends right now but it could be a possibility in the future.
Sugarkane Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 In my mind it's better not to be friends with them. It is too painful and they font care.
TheDovic Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 but i know it's not because he's hurting because he broke up with me and has moved on and already has a new gf, so i know he doesnt want me and i'm fine with that now, i just want him as a friend but i can't talk to him because i know he won't answer I gave this reason to a different poster yesterday and I think they are all valid reasons. I'm not being mean either as I am currently experiencing the same: In my experience if an ex stops speaking to you (even if you were good friends) it's for one of the following three reasons: 1) He has a new gf (which you know about) and she's asked him not to speak to you. 2) He feels you have been coming on too strong i.e. treating him like a bf as opposed to a friend, so he feels the best way for you both to heal is if he goes nc. 3) He doesn't need you anymore so is being selfish Now, this isn't all bad, because not having contact might make him miss you. Alternatively it will at least give you the chance to heal, as ex's can be like a drug, and every time you use you're back to square one!
goldengirl11 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Damn, just wrote a fairly long post and then my phone rang - now it's lost!!
goldengirl11 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Following from my above post I'm torn whether to tell him how I've been feeling... all sorts of things are going through my mind, e.g he's moved in with her hence no computer? Still away? Something I said? He still hasn't picked up an e-card from me sent nearly 2 weeks ago, not to mention the previous NC for a few weeks. Think I last heard from him Sept 7th - in reply to me then, and him initiating contact week previously. I have to move on from this (despite missing him)... he's destroying me
M2155 Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 You clearly still have feelings so your are not ready to be friends. He isn't responding, take this time to distance yourself emotionally because you will never be capable of honest friendship until you have had some time.
Zabs Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Just a thought...If YOU said "we can still be friends" (given that the person was really upset about the break up, would YOU mean it? I have said in the past to ex's we can still be friends...and it's ended up being a lie because I just can't wait to get away from the uncomfortableness of it all. So I lied. I learnt of how hurtful this can be when they find out so now Imake no bones and just say "you take care" ANYONE who knows me KNOWS what THAT means. In your case, friendship has to be a thing in the distant future. You are longing this out in terms of hurting yourself trying to understand beyond that right now. Let the dust settle and see if friendship is something that you can both realistically achieve. Zabs xx
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